


Realizations

by o0N0o



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Hellstrop, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0N0o/pseuds/o0N0o
Summary: Michael has realized his one problem: Eleanor, and after hundreds of failed reboots he has decided for a drastic measure. One that would ensure he could keep a close eye on her and ease his machinations.Pretending to be Eleanor's soul mate was simply worth the shot. Just how hard could it be?
Relationships: Michael (The Good Place) & Eleanor Shellstrop, Michael (The Good Place)/Eleanor Shellstrop
Comments: 67
Kudos: 138





	1. Welcome! Everything is perfect.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, but this fandom is kind of super dead in my original language, so I decided to write this in English, hoping for some people to still be into it… I am sorry for all the mistakes you’ll probably find along this fan story, please have mercy on me. While I struggle to keep them in character with my limitations. 
> 
> Happening during the reboots in season 2.

#### Attempt #108: 

“I’ve analyzed some recent data. Eleanor always seems to realize that they’re in The Bad Place just at the moment that-“  
  
Attempt 108 was not just the one that failed because of Michael forgetting to lock his office door, causing Eleanor to overhear him while unintentionally confessing they were in The Bad Place, no. It was also the one in which he realized the real problem: Eleanor.  
  
He had tried to scatter them around, and to mix them up in so many different ways… but it always failed because of Eleanor. Eleanor. Eleanor. Eleanor. She was his one problem… but what an essential problem, he needed her for the neighborhood to not fall apart, but at the end, it was exactly that; her determination for the neighborhood to not fall apart that always ended up with her ruining everything.  
  
He realized this in attempt 108.  
  
But it was not until attempt four-four-nine’s failure (in the most ridiculous of the scenarios, to say the least) that he decided for a drastic change.  
\---  


#### Attempt #450:

  
Eleanor Shellstrop was internally panicking at Michael’s explanation of her own life. She had been suspecting for a while of some kind of mistake being made, starting with the fact of her being placed in The Good Place, but she wanted to believe, she really desperately wanted to believe that she was ‘not that bad’. Everything crumbled when she heard Michael state her former job as something called a ‘death-row lawyer’… not to mention ‘her memories’. No, she was not supposed to be there, and so she was panicking at this realization.  
  
She needed to share this with someone, she was unable to fix this by herself, to live with this for eternity by herself, and all she wanted was to shut the hell up Michael and tell him to stop because she was not supposed to be there… but she couldn’t, because that would’ve been an immediate game over for her, with zero chances of retry, and Eleanor Shellstrop only played games she could win. So, she simply nodded and smiled to everything the oh-so-tall man in front of her said, while trying her best to remember the greatest amount of info about her own fake life, because this was gonna be the lie of her life, or her afterlife for such a matter.  
  
And then, she remembered: she didn’t have to go through this all alone. Somewhere in this perfectly designed paradise there was her soul mate (or Real Eleanor’s soul mate, but whatever, she could make it work. Men were so easy to manipulate when you were a solid nine) and she had this ‘hunch’ that everything would be easier when she found him… or her.  
  
Michael had just excused himself, something about having to guide others or whatever; she was not paying that much attention, her mind racing for a solution or better said: a lie-route of some kind.  
  
“Michael.” She called, stopping the man just inches away from the door.  
  
“Yes, Eleanor?”  
  
“I am sorry to ask, but… in the video back at the park, remember?” her hands had started to move around, distracting his attention, or so she hoped. “You mentioned something about hum… soul mates?” Her hands back to her hips, eyes open with excitement, she could win an Oscar.  
  
Michael inhaled deeply and froze. Hands both sides of him clenched in fists for one second before letting go and repeating a couple times. He had gotten so good at pretending human feelings and emotions, so damn good. But his favorites were most definitely the ones happening now: nervousness and innocence. And he made his best effort to suppress the grin menacing to invade his face at the concern in Eleanor’s eyes. She was so easy to fool… at least in these early stages of his plan; she was always so willing to be fooled, so easy to be read and played with.  
  
“I… I was hoping you didn’t ask.” He made a swing motion in his place and looked at his feet in (fake) awkwardness.  
  
“Why? Is there a problem with my –hum- soul mate? Is he still alive or maybe really ugly or a dog?” He suppressed a chuckle, a dog?! Oh dear… if only she knew. “Because I don’t judge I just, you know… want to know.”  
  
“It’s not that.” He raised his hand dismissingly only to place it inside his pocket. “It’s just… well… as I mentioned in the video, the system is supposed to be perfect, but in this case I… I think there was a serious mistake, and I-“ he had started to hyperventilate, in self-induced fear and frustration. Eleanor hurried to his side, without touching, it was always without touching during the first stages.  
  
“Wo-wo-wo man, you okay? I am sure the system is just fine, I mean, look at this place I… I love it!” Of course she didn’t. “Everything is perfect, and I am also sure there is absolutely no mistake in its… design or decisions or whatever.” her smile was so huge and comforting and… tense in the edges. But only he could tell, because after years of looking at her fake smile he had learned to identify all of those micro expressions and details, and this was no exception: oh, she was suffering so much. “So, tell me… who or what is my soul mate? Don’t let me hanging.”  
  
“Eleanor, dear…” he made an effort to incorporate and regain his composure (never truly lost) “Your soul mate is supposed to be… me.”  
  
“Oh… “ fork. He was sure that was the word she was currently biting and chewing. He had never tried this before, of course, and it was insane, but those eyes… she was most definitely trying her best not to show how screwed she actually considered herself to be. If only she knew.  
  
He didn’t have the time he desired to savor her terrorized expression, he had to act quickly.  
  
“It’s-it’s ok, you don’t need to say anything. You see? This is why I didn’t want to mention it before. I have read your file, and I know your interests and preferences and so I am positive there must have been a serious mistake, but I just don’t-“ He just needed a couple more words to portray himself as a lonely and poor soul destined to be alone because he was too physically unattractive (not that he could really tell) to be with a straight hottie such as herself (her words not his, though), and let the guilt sink in her eyes… but she interrupted him.  
  
“No, not at all!” She smiled at him, and it felt weird, because for one micro second it looked like an honest smile. “I mean… sure, this is not what I was expecting.” Definitely not, he was no mailman. “But hey! If the all powerful system that got me here in the first place says we are you know… buddies, then we are.” Interesting choice of words.  
  
He had seen this scene happen an awful lot of times, with literally everyone else in that neighborhood and one golden retriever… but it felt different this time, because now it happened to him. The girl moved back a couple steps, only to take a deep breath as stilling herself for a difficult task and then walked in a rather high-speed pace to his arms.  
  
“Bring it in, man!”  
  
It was then, with the girl almost hanging from his neck, with her toes barely touching the floor, and his face hidden in the small space beyond her left shoulder that he finally could grin with anticipation for his plan. This was going to be an interesting reboot.


	2. One hell of a party.

Michael had insisted on leaving to help the other residents, and though he offered Eleanor, as his soul mate to keep him company, she had made her best effort to politely decline his invitation, because right now she was in desperate need of some solo time. And it was not for masturbation as she had clearly clarified to him, just in case.  
  
She needed this time to think in how the fork she got in so much trouble and why the shirt she couldn’t say fork… or shirt. Damn it.  
  
The last thing he had done before leaving was introducing her to Daphne, this magical Alexa who could help her while he was gone attending his duties… Or something like it.  
  
She was pacing around her terrifying living room full of clowns while trying to get her ideas in order.  
  
“Alright, Eleanor, you can do this, you just… need to keep pretending you are this fantastic human being, who was apparently so damn amazing that her soul mate is literally a motherforking angel! Seriously, man? An angel? What kind of person is that anyways?” she let herself fall heavily on her couch, which was somehow really comfortable but at the same time made her neck hurt after a few minutes because of unknown reasons. “… And how does that even work? Does he even have a…” her train of thoughts got carried away only to crash against a wall of frustration. “Son of a bench! I can’t do this!” both her hands covered her face while muffling her screams.  
  
While on the opposite of the door was Michael himself, enjoying his machinations so far. This was definitely going to slow down the process of the four humans meeting each other, of course, but it was necessary… It was in attempt number three-four-seven that he realized Eleanor and Chidi were capable of bonding in a way that endangered the whole experiment… no, he had to keep them away from each other, for at least enough time for Vicky to make Chidi fall in love with a perfect impersonation of his ideal soul mate. Once that was done everything would be easier, Chidi could help Eleanor, but never too much, he would never dare ‘cross a line’ that would hurt the feelings of his soul mate.  
  
And helping Eleanor would most definitely do so. As he had given Vicky the role of her life as Chidi’s dream girl… with a self esteem so damn low that he couldn’t approach any other woman without his lover starting a jealous scene out of a reality show, one of those that Eleanor loved so much. Reason why they were not even attending the party that night.  
  
\---  
  
Michael had arrived to Tahani´s welcoming party in company of Eleanor, he was acting as the perfect gentleman he was used to impersonate from all the previous iterations, and Eleanor was doing her best not to act as Eleanor. She couldn’t complain about the size of her house, because of Michael being next to her, she couldn’t take a bunch of shrimps and hide them in her bra, because Michael was keeping an eye on her from the distance while giving his speech, and she couldn’t bad mouth Tahani because Michael had made himself clear about his devotion for her. Jeez, it was more like they both should be soul mates, both of them equally British. Eugh.  
  
But there was something she could do… she shouldn’t, but she could, and she was going to, because all of those “can’t” were driving her insane.  
  
One hour and a half later it was Michael’s job to try and get her to her feet while she insisted she could get more shrimps inside her mouth while drinking a margarita at the same time.  
  
“Eleanor, dear. This is not a contest; you don’t need to get all of those shrimps into your mouth. And perhaps you should stop drinking. The fact you are already dead doesn’t necessarily mean that chocking would be painless.” His left hand holding her by the waist, with his right struggling to take the drink out of her hands.  
  
“Oh, darling.” Tahani was dragging a chair to both of them in an attempt to help, while darting Jianyu, her soul mate, in order to get him to help as well. For what he did; bringing more shrimps, confusing Tahani who considered him (so far) the wisest man in the room (besides Michael).  
  
“I go-o-i.” babbled Eleanor while bringing the cup to her mouth and spitting the shrimps. “Ok, I didn’t get it… but hey, this is good, you can still eat them, right?” she shrugged. And Michael had to suppress his smile for the eleventh time that night; she was just fantastic at ruining her own life and everyone else’s in the process… Tahani was embarrassed enough for herself and Eleanor and ‘Jianyu’ was freaking out because he had no idea what was happening (as usual).  
  
“I am so, so sorry, Tahani, I think we should get going.” Michael finally was able to get rid of the martini now full of shrimps, while Eleanor rested on the chair, half dozed.  
  
“Oh, please.” She had simply said it in her strong accent, taking her only one second to realize it had been rude, mortifying her. “I mean! Please, help poor Eleanor get home safely, she seems exhausted.”  
  
“Surely she is. Let’s go, honey, time to go home.” He embraced her once again by the waist and wondered just how much effort being a soul mate actually was. No, being a soul mate was no real effort, it was being Eleanor’s specifically, but he was having the time of his eternal life.  
  
The woman woke up enough to walk her way out of Tahani’s mansion, with Michael’s help, of course. He could’ve simply teleported them both, but there was this small chance she would actually remember the physical effort it meant for him to drag her all the way to her bed, including the lack of stairs, and oh, he was already looking forward for that guilt to take place on her.  
  
Not like it was really that hard, he was a demon, strong enough to actually get the house around Eleanor and not Eleanor into the house. But she didn’t know that.  
  
He finally got her into the bed and beneath the sheets, just as Chidi had done about one hundred times. He even decided to copy him while offering the woman her pajamas; he figured that it was a normal human course of action.  
  
Just when he was about to leave, Eleanor called him three times. It was like a déjà vu of Chidi’s iterations, he didn’t like the feeling. But it somehow provided him with the certainty that everything was going according to the plan.  
  
“Michael… Michael, Michael?” He turned around with both his hands inside his pockets. “I am sorry that you had to deal with… this.” He simply nodded. “As an angel-“ he felt the urge to correct her just as Janet would do ‘not an angel’, but decided not to, at least not yet. “Do you think anybody cared that I died?”  
  
He knew the answer, of course he did. But he was no Chidi Anagonye, and so it only took him a moment to determine the answer that would cause her the most pain without giving his façade away. He simply looked right into her eyes and dedicated her the sweetest look a demon could offer.  
  
“Do you really want to know…?”  
  
She remained in her place, eyes glassy and unfocused. When no answer came (as he knew it wouldn’t), he simply nodded and softly touched her bed, only as an excuse to get close so he could appreciate the knot in her throat better, menacing to be undone as a cascade of tears.  
  
“Good night, Eleanor.”  
  
“Night.”  
  
He left, with his one concern being how big he should make the flying shrimps for the chaos of the coming morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love to think in their dynamic during those first two episodes: with Eleanor thinking herself in control, when she was just being manipulated by an elaborate plan, with every single word being carefully designed and thought through. And then... in Michael's words "everything went south."


	3. Problem.

Eleanor Shellstrop woke up the next morning at the unexpected beat of Ariana Grande’s song ‘Problem’ and of course, the thunders.  
  
_‘Hey baby, even though I hate ya, I wanna love ya. I want you-uh-uh.’  
_  
“That can’t be good.” Unsure of how or when she managed to change her clothes into her pajamas she climbed out of bed, surprised and thankful for the lack of a hangover and approached the window, opening the curtains to find a complete chaos being unfold in the neighborhood.”Oh, fork.”  
  
_‘And even though I can’t forgive ya, I really want to. I want you-uh-uh.’  
_  
She considered storming out in fear just as everyone else, but it was such a bizarre view that she made an effort to take in all of the rarities. There, standing in the middle of the pandemonium was the sexy as hell but obnoxious and condescending bench of… what was her name again? Legani Alegsmil or something like that?… wearing an awful pattern of blue and yellow. Eleanor blew through her teeth. “Now THAT is a fashion disaster”.  
  
_‘Cause even though I shouldn’t want it. I gotta have it, I want you-uh-uh.’  
_  
Running in Tahani's direction was Michael, clearly worried for her, and Eleanor felt like a bummer. Like… seriously, man? He was supposed to be her soulmate and he was currently more worried about Tahani Rockin’ Body Al-Jamil than his actual (but not real) soulmate! Not that she could blame him, if the woman could keep her mouth shut for fifteen minutes she would bang her herself.  
  
_‘Head in the clouds, got no weight on my shoulder.’  
_  
Yeah… that was right, Eleanor felt relieved. She had definitely noticed some kind of connection between Michael and Tahani, the more attention he would pay to her; the less chances she could get caught. This was fine, everything was fine.  
  
_‘I should be wiser and realize that I’ve got…’  
_  
Except it was not, the whole neighborhood was a disaster, and while she was standing in the window half covered by the curtains Michael raised his head, ignoring Tahani’s questions and looked at her intently.  
  
_‘One less problem without ya.’  
_  
She immediately closed the curtains. His presence was somehow too strong, even if a mile away.  
  
_‘I got one less problem without ya.’  
_  
Oh, that stupid song.  
  
_‘I got one less problem without ya.’  
_  
She was about to leave the house running in just as panic as everyone else, when there was a ‘bing’ sound and a real woman appeared in front of her.  
  
“Hi, there! I’m Janet. Michael sent me to check on you.”  
  
“Oooooh fork!” she tried to recover herself from the jumpscare and forced a smile. “Hey! I remember you, you are Daphne, the Alexa girl from yesterday.”  
  
“Not a girl. Not an Alexa. And not a Daphne.” She said it as it was no offense that Eleanor had gotten everything wrong. “I am Janet, and I am here to-“  
  
“Yes, to check on me, well, I am just fine, you see? I am actually more worried about what is happening outside, so perhaps you could move away the door and…” She was making her best effort not to be rude. It was being really hard. In her past life she would’ve simply push Janet out of her way.  
  
“That won’t be possible, Michael asked me to keep you safe, which seems to be inside the house.” She casually tilted her head, comforting.  
  
“What? No, you can’t keep me in here, that is not- ugh… wait a minute! You are just as magical as Michael, right?”  
  
“Not magical.”  
  
“Scientific, whatever your jam is.” She rolled her eyes. “Can you explain me what the fork is happening out there? What is up with those giant shrimps and… you know, all the people wearing the same awful pattern? Is this some kind of weird afterlife party of some sort?”  
  
“No. Michael asked me to let you know that; just as he had predicted something is wrong with his design and that even the smallest of the miscalculations can escalate into this.” She took a moment, only to continue with cheery glee. “Then he told me to come here, check on you and keep you happy and calm. Are you happy and calm?”  
  
“What? No, of course I am not!” she took a deep breath and stilled herself. “Ok… this is what we are gonna do: I am going to walk around you and go outside to-“ She stopped talking, having a sudden realization. “Wait a minute.” She ran her way back to the window and noticed how anyone else was wearing the same pattern… except for her. She noticed a bunch of fake vitamin supplies rolling down the street… definitely seen those. She also noticed how a giant pair of legs in sexy underwear was harassing Glenn some streets away; legs wearing Tahani’s fancy high heels.  
  
“Hey, robot lady?”  
  
“Janet.”  
  
“Yes, Janet.” She waved her hand at her dismissingly, with her eyes looking for other details. “You were at the party yesterday, right?”  
  
“Yes, I was.”  
  
“And… do you remember if I said anything about… what the fork, bees with teeth?” she couldn’t believe her eyes, that is exactly what was following Antonio across the lawn.  
  
“No, you didn’t.” Eleanor exhaled in relief. “What you actually did was compare Tahani’s napkins decoration with bees. The teeth were unrelated.”  
  
“Oh shirt…” Eleanor felt her heart fall in fear. She didn’t need Chidi this time to realize that chances were high for all of this disaster to be somehow connected to her. Maybe fifty percent, or that is what she tried to tell herself.  
  
\---  
  
Under the realization it was probably her fault, she had decided to act “normal”, and that implied dressing the awful pattern (supplied by Janet, after double checking their conversations were private) and acting just as scared, though that part was not that false, but for different reasons.  
  
Janet had dragged her to Tahani’s house, in which Michael was hosting some kind of emergency meeting… just why Tahani’s house? Didn’t he have his own? Seriously, dude, what was up between those two? Oh… being in front of the mansion she suddenly remembered many things from the previous night… including her behavior. What if Michael was avoiding her because he had noticed something was off? She was sure Real Eleanor would not get drunk and comment on Tahani’s body: positively or not, together with many other things that, even if they weren’t half as bad as other things she’s done on Earth, could be considered as aggravations… but, hey, at least she didn’t steal any gold this time. Uuugh, she tried to focus on one problem at a time and followed Janet inside.  
  
The ‘robot lady’ took place next to Michael who was in the middle of the room gathering everyone around. Eleanor couldn’t help but notice how everyone else was already with their soulmates. They had clearly met each other the night before, as some of them were even holding hands… excepting her. She was the only one alone in the crowd, but it was no surprise, she was used to being alone.  
  
Her attention fluttered back to Michael once he started talking and stared dumbfounded how her soulmate was literally licking the sweat from his own armpits. She was half grossed out and half curious… he acted as if that body of his was not -well- really a body. Oh fork, it wasn’t. A million questions about his real body tormented her mind.  
  
He talked and talked about what Eleanor already knew: something was off and he simply couldn’t figure out what. But she did, it was her, and she was panicking once again because if she, an average human being was able to decipher it, then it was not gonna take long for Michael, the eternal being to figure it out as well. He finished by clarifying that orientation day two would be postponed till all of the glitches had been fixed, so as to say the next day, for safe measures.  
  
She unconsciously bit her lower lip while wondering for how long she could ‘enjoy’ this fake life in The Good Place that she was borrowing, because once Michael found out he was most definitely sending her right where she belonged: The Bad Place.  
  
“Eleanor.” She was so busy daydreaming (or nightmaring?) about what The Bad Place would look that didn’t notice the meeting was over and Michael had approached her. He gently placed his left hand on her shoulder and she startled.  
  
“Oh, Michael, my man.” She said with half a smirk mischievously hoping he didn’t have the ability to read her mind. Though, the flirty tone that came with it was more out of habit than anything else, as she was used to make use of her attributes to get her out of troubles with almost anyone, from police officers to teachers. Her smile vanished away the moment she noticed Michael was not smiling back; he wasn’t even flustered or moved by her subtle flirtation. There were only three options: a.- he was gay (highly unlikely considering he was her soulmate, though those socks screamed at least bi), b.- she was losing her charms (even more unlikely, because… come on! She was a babe) or c.- He was angry beyond flirtation, rather because of the chaos of the neighborhood or her being a mess the previous night, among others (highly possible and terrifying). She swallowed hard, “Something wrong?”  
  
“Something wrong…? We need to talk.”  
  
“Oh…” ‘fork’ she was getting used to finish all of her ‘ohs’ with forks in her mind. “Sure, buddy. Should we –hum- talk it here in front of everyone else who may or may not try to help or advocate for me if needed or… somewhere else?”  
  
“I think somewhere else would be more suitable for the circumstances.” Oh, damnit, she had been definitely busted.  
  
“Well… I am sure you already know this, but my house is, you know, literally next to us. So…”  
  
“That would be perfect.”  
  
Michael was actually expecting Eleanor to offer her house; it only gave her more time to over-analyze what was happening and generate new theories about his mood while walking in complete and awkward silence to her colorful cottage. It made all of her misery the more palpable.  
  
Once inside, she closed the door behind them and looked at Michael with one of her hands still holding the door knob. Running away was always an option for a Shellstrop, she didn’t have hidden money this time, tho.  
  
“So, buddy. What is it…?” She made an effort to keep her act together and offered him a soft smile. If Michael knew something then he was going to have to drag her directly to hell with her still standing by the name of Eleanor Shellstrop, lawyer and best human being, she was not giving up on it just yet.  
  
His eyes narrowed for a fraction of second, causing her to hold her breath. And oh, Michael was unable to appreciate human attractiveness as it should, yes, of course he noticed Tahani’s legs were longer than others, together with other details such as her incredibly small pores or Eleanor’s deep blue eyes… and from an objective point of view he assumed those to be attractive features for humans, in a logical way of thinking. But, none of these were particularly relevant for him, an ethereal and superior being capable of eyeing in nine dimensions. Nope. However, that didn’t mean their kind couldn’t be aroused by other means… it just was different, a matter of how instead of what. And so, he considered the fleeting fear in Eleanor’s eyes to be charming.  
  
He loved her pain during these early scenes of every reboot, her permanent feeling of superiority crumbling to pieces, the sinking feeling of guiltiness increasing with every event, her taunting selfishness. Feelings that were inheriting to herself, there was no Jason or Chidi to blame, not yet, which always spiced her misery up.  
  
Finally, he decided her torture for the moment had been enough. At least the silent torture.  
  
“Oh, Eleanor, I am so glad you are fine.” He suddenly dropped his act and got closer by only one step. “Did Janet help you? I was so worried.”  
  
“Oh, yes. I am fine, Janet came and- hey, did you tell her to lock me inside the house? Because Imma tell you, man, I am not into-“  
  
He smirked, even in the worst scenarios Eleanor always seemed ready to kick and bite. It was like the pressure only made her stronger and ready to fight her way out of every problem, almost looking for reasons to divert her attention and energy into an argument, something she was definitely more comfortable with than talking about feelings or facing her troubles. She would try her best to make him believe he was the problem… and let’s be honest, she was capable of a pretty neat job at it, but it wouldn’t work on Michael as he already knew her moves.  
  
“No, no, no. I’ll have a couple words with her, you see… this is a new Janet, I-“ he took a second to give her room to adopt her pissed off posture “I was trying to figure out the chaos outside, I couldn’t personally check on you and so I asked her to keep you safe. She must have misunderstood my instructions.”  
  
“Yeah, because let me tell you something, friend. If you and I are to spend eternity together… I am not a housewife from the 70s! I am not staying home to babysit Michael Jr. or… wash your socks! I am a strong and independent woman who needs no magical dude to send no magical robot to-“ for this moment she had lost track of what she was arguing about. But, whatever, being pissed off definitely felt better than scared or guilty. It was a familiar feeling that she could cling to. She had managed to turn the tables, or at least that is what she thought.  
  
“Eleanor.” She snapped out of her single battle and looked up at him. “It has never been my intention to keep you prisoner of your own home. I can assure you it will never, ever happen again.” Or at least till they had to implement the quarantine, he mentally chuckled.  
  
“Well, it better be so!” her arms fiercely crossed in front of her. He loved how her eyebrows created wrinkles between her eyes and her lower lip was locked in pouting. It was so human, most of them were terrible at hiding their emotions, their faces always gave them away.  
  
“Now, since this has been clarified. There is something I’d like to ask you.” He shifted his face and body in order to project himself as anxious. It always made Eleanor extra paranoid.  
  
“What is it?” He cleared his throat and moved his left hand as in a twitch.  
  
“How comfortable… how comfortable would you feel about letting others know about, well-“ he motioned between them both.  
  
“Us?” Eleanor felt weird while stating it. The idea of Michael, the almighty angel as her boyfriend didn’t have her exactly thrilled, not that he was bad-looking, and she could totally over look the moment he licked his own sweat, she’s definitely done worse, but the dangers of being caught were multiplied by at least one million with ‘the boss’ as her lover. ‘Lover’, she shivered, could he even…?  
  
“Eleanor?” She realized then that she had been spacing out for a few seconds at least, as Michael waited for an answer. “I don’t mean to pressure you, I really don’t. It’s just… how should I put this? I’ve read your file.” That goddamn file, just what ridiculous fact about Real Eleanor would be brought to torture her now? “And it was stated how all of your relationships failed because of something called ‘fear of compromise’.”  
  
Eleanor couldn’t believe her luck. That was actually extremely close to her real life! She definitely could keep that up.  
  
“Oooh… that… yeah. I can’t help it… something with my messed up brain and unhealthy childhood I guess.” She said shrugging with an innocent smile, like it was something to be proud of.  
  
“So, this is the thing. You may have noticed the others have already met their soul mates and I wouldn’t like you to feel pressured in anyway. Would you prefer for me to keep a safe distance and pretend I barely know you or…” he left the statement open, waiting for Eleanor to complete it. Giving her space to decide between being rude or getting herself in trouble.  
  
“Oh, well-hum-… first thing, I thank you for asking me, that is highly appreciated, aaaaaand…” She was trying to buy some time, since she was really unsure of what Real Eleanor would say. “What about we take things slow?” Michael opened his mouth to speak, but she was quicker “I mean! I am not saying I don’t like you, I am saying… I need some time to, you know,to adjust to these… changes in my –hum- afterlife.”  
  
“Sure thing, Eleanor.” He offered her a warm smile while slightly tilting his head. “Safe distance will be.”  
  
“But hey! That doesn’t mean we can’t –you know- spend some time together… get to know each other a little bit, maybe… reviewing other important aspects of my life.” That is something she needed, more info about herself, or the self she was supposed to be.  
  
“How would you suggest we do so? Shall I prepare a presentation? Or perhaps simply replay some of your memories? Oh! I know! What about I invite some of the other people in the neighborhood to watch it as well? You had such a remarkable life, Eleanor! I am sure they would be delighted to get to know you better. We could perhaps simulate one of those fascinating cinemas with cars that you used to have back on Earth, what were those again…? Oh! And maybe we could-“  
  
“A date!” She couldn’t take it any longer, she was positive Michael was only trying to help but it was escalating really quickly. She didn’t want everyone else involved… considering what happened in the morning, there were a lot of things that could go wrong. And so, this was the best she could think in the rush to shut him up.  
  
“Excuse me…?” He asked for clarification, and Eleanor was unsure if it was because of him being uncomfortable with the idea or because he didn’t understand the concept of ‘date’.  
  
“Yes, a date! Just you and I spending some time together, getting to know each other, drinking some wine or… holy water, whatever you angels drink. Away from everyone else… alone, just the two of us.” She even ventured to press her index finger against his chest and move it down till it came in contact with the fabric of his jacket, with her left eyebrow getting higher and higher.  
  
“Whatever makes you happy, Eleanor.” He leaned forward, as to short the space between them, secretly looking to make her (even more) uncomfortable. It seemed to work as her upper body immediately retracted, looking for some distance.  
  
“Well, that’s my jam, taking things slow and not getting to first base till… the fortieth date.” He remained with a clueless expression. “Oh, you know what? We’ll get there when we get there.”  
  
“That sounds perfect.” His voice was soft, and reassuring. “I better get going, time to work. Please, enjoy the rest of your day as everything seems to be getting back to normal.” Already standing next to the door, he turned around to face her one final time. “See you tonight for our… date?”  
  
“Oh, tonight?” Eleanor wasn’t expecting it to be so soon, but… she couldn’t think of any excuse, there had just been so many in the last couple of hours. “Sure!” her smile was bright, full teeth and cheerful. “See you tonight, soul mate!” she waved him good bye, as he left the house. In spite of all that had happened she actually felt relief, not everything was perfect, she felt like avoiding bullets half of the time, but it felt… just fine, like her life back on Earth. Still manageable.  
  
On the other side, Michael was walking his way back to his office, already thinking in ways to mess up his own date. While trying to figure out what exactly was a date anyways? Humans and their strange mating rituals. He stopped for one second in the middle of the road; hopefully Eleanor would not be intending to initiate any intercourse with him, would she? Because kissing was definitely disgusting, not to mention… but if the time came, he tried to remember himself that sacrifices were to be made.


	4. Plotting is for two.

Eleanor had spent half an hour walking around her place, trying to learn more about the person she was impersonating. So far, she’s learned that whoever owned those memories was a real celery fan because that was all she could find in her fridge, together with, of course, more disturbing clown pictures attached to its door. Eek.  
  
She’d just given up and was chilling out on her sofa watching Desperate Housewives when there was a knock on the door… followed by the immediate presence of Tahani in the room, as she didn’t wait for any answer to simply come in.  
  
“Hello, neighbor?” She pretended to enter the room shyly.  
  
“Oh, hey, Ta… ll neighbor whose name I obviously remember.” Eleanor stood up in a jump and approached Tahani halfway in. “Good to see you… here, inside my house.”  
  
“Good to see you, too.” Oblivious to the sarcasm. “I was just, you know… ‘in the neighborhood’.” She laughed at her own joke, and the short girl made an effort to pretend to laugh as well. “I just wanted to know how are you doing, you know, after what happened this morning.”  
  
“Ah, I am doing just fine; this is heaven, so everything is perfect in this place.” Her false smile always went well with every lie.  
  
“I know, isn’t it? Everything is so lovely.”  
  
“Yeah, so… lovely.” Her eyes were piercing the clowns on the opposite wall.  
  
Tahani remained in the room looking around the place, as looking for something.  
  
“Did you lose something, hot stuff? A puppy maybe?” She was indirectly talking about Jianyu, the ‘silent monk’, who had been dragged by Tahani all over the place the last night.  
  
“Oh no, I was just… looking forward to meet your soulmate. You see, I’m really excited about getting to know the lucky gentleman who got to spend eternity with you, so… small and cute, just like your house.” Eleanor was sure Tahani was being sarcastic, especially since she kind of destroyed her hall. She frowned at the brunette’s request because she had no right to come over her place and technically demand personal information. Though she could totally portray it, the taller woman was clearly into gossiping. “Boop.” Oh, she knew what was coming and so before her nose could be anymore harassed she stepped back.  
  
“My soulmate? Why would you like to meet my soulmate?”  
  
“Oh darling, isn’t it obvious? We are neighbors! I’d love to… you know, get to know each other, be friends…” Oh, Eleanor was sure that was the last thing Tahani wanted after her show at the party. “We’ll be spending eternity together, as people say ‘rip off that bandaid’! Aint’t that right?” Kind of yes, kind of no, but she had clearly no idea what she was talking about and Eleanor didn’t feel like encouraging her to talk any longer.  
  
“My soulmate isn’t here. But don’t worry; I’m sure you’ve already met him.”  
  
“Oh is it so?! Now I am intrigued! Who could this mysterious person be? I didn’t see you with anyone this morning… not like I have been observing you or anything, of course.” Her right hand flew as a sign of innocence. “But, really, who is it?”  
  
Eleanor felt in an absurdly uncomfortable scenario. She’d rather tell Tahani to go fork her own business or something, but uuuugh, she couldn’t. Michael had just asked her about their relationship status and so she felt unsure of what to say… she wasn’t exactly embarrassed to be Michael’s soulmate, she knew he was no mailman or sexy monk, but he was kind and… not like she really cared about good people actually, so any other positive trait was pointless for her as it was not possible to be seen or touched. And kindness was neither of those things. But, there was something that Eleanor did consider promising about her magical boyfriend and it was his position as the boss. She was kind of into that; the idea of the most powerful man dressing that dapper suit was half of working for her.  
  
But that was it.  
  
Tahani could have the biggest mansion she’s ever seen, hair like mermaid, legs for days, skin like silk and cherries for lips, but she didn’t have Michael. The prize. Wait, what? No, she was the prize, yeah! Michael was lucky to have her! She was a real prize! But somehow she felt like bragging about him with Tahani.  
  
“What are you talking about? I was with him this morning… and last night.” Her arms crossed in front of her while holding the proudest of the attitudes.  
  
“Were you? Weird, I could swear I’ve only seen you with…” She suddenly came to notice it and her eyes almost popped out her head. “Michael.”  
  
“What can I say? He is like super into this babe.”  
  
“But he is… that can’t be right. He is not…” she was having a hard time processing this information.  
  
“Human? Oh, I know.” She knew, and she was actually unsure of how she felt about that, sometimes scared, sometimes grossed out, and sometimes turned on. But all she cared was Tahani’s open mouth staying that way. Perhaps now she would stop acting as Miss Perfection. “I REALLY know.”  
  
“I would like to speak to him, please.” Eleanor worked a couple weeks at a retail store and that was the exact same tone she’d heard a loooot of women saying ‘I demand to speak to your manager’.  
  
“Sure, but he is not here now. You know, gotta get this neighborhood working, ‘cause he is the boss.” She had made her way to the door, dismissing the taller woman. “Well, it’s been a pleasure talking to you, Talami-“  
  
“Tahani.”  
  
“Ta-ha-ni, but I am sure you have other important people to meet… I mean, not as important as Michael, but eh, you’ll get there.” Eleanor observed the other woman walk reluctantly to the door, but still refusing to leave just yet.  
  
“I have to say I am a bit surprised… but hey! Congratulations!” She hugged her without questions; everyone in that place was such a (disgusting) huge fan of hugs. “Michael is a wonderful person-immortal being, so caring and good-hearted, I am sure he will make you very happy.”  
  
“Sure thing, hot stuff.” Eleanor couldn’t take Tahani’s condescending attitude any longer and slammed the door closed on her face while rolling her eyes. Their conversation had left her feeling uneasy. She was right, Michael was a wonderful immortal being, caring, good-hearted and always willing to help and attend to her demands… and everyone else’s.  
  
“Hey, Janet?”  
  
_‘Bing’ _  
  
“Hi there.”  
  
“Can I ask you a couple of questions…?”  
  
“Answering your questions is literally my one purpose. Please, tell me how can I help you?”  
  
“What…” she stopped, trying to get her ideas in order to ask the right questions “do you know what Michael is exactly? I mean, does he have like superpowers or the ability to read minds or… you know? Superman style?”  
  
“None of those. Michael is the architect of this neighborhood; it means he has designed every aspect of this place to be perfect for you and all of the other habitants. He has no ‘superpowers’, although he has some abilities that may be considered as such by humans.”  
  
“Like… reading minds?”  
  
“No, he cannot read minds, nor fly-“ just when Eleanor was about to open her mouth again, Janet continued “- nor x-ray vision and more importantly, he is not hiding a six pack of any kind behind his suit.”  
  
“Ok, I get it. Jeez.” She had gotten defensive; Janet certainly seemed quite capable of reading her mind. “But he can create things… right?”  
  
“No, he only designs all aspects of the neighborhood, I am the one who creates everything you see and touch.”  
  
“Oh! That is great!” her low self-esteem could finally take a break. “That means he is, you know… just like a regular human architect, but with a heck of an assistant. I can work with that.”  
  
“No. He is not human.”  
  
“I know he is not human, but he looks human and has no real superpowers, so… I really see no difference.”  
  
“He doesn’t look human at all. What you see is a Michael suit, a human representation for him to walk freely among your kind, fun fact! If he were to take his suit off your brain has a 10% chances to literally explode!” Eleanor’s jaw fell hard while Janet smiled beamingly at her.  
  
“But what does-“  
  
“100% if you weren’t already dead.”  
  
“What the fork?! Just what is he hiding?! Is he like a giant octopus from a religious sect or something?! Why would my brain-“  
  
“Depending on the religious sect you are refering, that may or may not be really close.” Janet seemed extremely happy, which only unsettled Eleanor more.  
  
“… Uuuugh! Why couldn’t my stupid person get a forkin’ normal soulmate? Like… a mailman or a pizza delivery guy? Just what kind of person gets paired up with an octopus in a human suit?”  
  
“Not an octopus.”  
  
“I know, I know… but you got the idea in my mind.” She exhaled heavily, with her hands on her hips. “Wait a minute… that’s it. This is not the first neighborhood, right? So this must have happened other times. How does this work? I mean between humans and ‘architects’?”  
  
“I can’t give you that information.” Eleanor groaned, this was frustrating. “Because it has never happened before.”  
  
“What do you mean it has never happened before? Am I the first person ever to get paired up with an immortal being?”  
  
“According to my records; yes, you are.” Janet leaned forward a bit “Congratulations!” her protocol had told her that being the first at something was considered as reason enough to be praised and so she did.  
  
“Nooo! I don’t wanna be the first one! I hate being a guinea pig! Uuugh!” She groaned once again with her palms on her eyes. “What am I supposed to wear? What are we doing tonight? Does Michael even know what a date is?”  
  
“I highly doubt that.” Janet’s extreme happiness was bothering Eleanor, so she just waved a hand at her.  
  
“Just go…”  
  
“Bye!” And with a bing she was gone.  
  
\---  
  
Michael entered his own office to the surprise of Vicky seating at his desk with her feet on its surface.  
  
“Not again, Vicky.”  
  
“Oh, hey, Michael!” she stood up quick, but not really caring much. “You are late… busy morning?”  
  
“What are you talking about? You were there, it was just as chaotic as ever.”  
  
“And yet this is the first time you are late.”  
  
“I… I had to talk to Eleanor about som- Why am I explaining myself to you? Just move!” He found his way to his chair making sure Vicky seated on the opposite of his desk. “So, how is everything with Chidi?”  
  
“Terrible!” Michael frowned; he didn’t need all that drama from Vicky. “…for him!” she laughed wickedly. “Oh, you should see us… I should definitely be in charge of the toxic relationships department. It just took him like… ten minutes or so? To fall in love with me real bad just because you told him I was his soulmate and ever since… miserable.” She was clearly proud of her job, and Michael seemed so as well.  
  
“That sounds great!”  
  
“It is! And you know what is the best part?” she leaned over the desk, catching all of Michael’s attention. “He has no idea how miserable he is! I am telling you, these humans get more stupid with the years… like, seriously, he swears he is really happy because love and yadda yadda yadda… up to this point he might as well think his stomachaches are actually butterflies… eating him up from the inside out!” she laughed once again.  
  
“Really…? Is it so? So he doesn’t suspect a thing? He is 100% sure this is The Good Place?”  
  
“I am telling you, man… Chidi is not gonna be a problem in this reboot, he getting too close to Eleanor? Let me handle him. Any suspicions of this place being ‘not so good’?” she quoted with her fingers in the air, looking rather sassy “I’ll manipulate him so hard he will think this is freakin’ heaven.” Michael smiled out of relief for the first time in many reboots.  
  
“I’ll take your word then, because this reboot seems quite promising.”  
  
“Yeah, no shirt you genius, and you know why?” he caught by the tone of her voice where this was going and so he rolled his eyes and sighed but decided to give it to her.  
  
“Because you are an important part…?”  
  
“No, idiot, because I am an important pa- oh! You ruined my great comeback! Great… well, whatever, you get the drill, I am amazing at my job, and you should’ve given it to me a long time ago… but it serves you well, I guess.” She cleared her throat and relaxed just a bit on her seat. “So, how is your part going?”  
  
“My what?” he asked with a brow high.  
  
“Your part! Did you fool Eleanor into believing she is your soulmate?” She was clearly pissed off because of his lack of compromise with the whole performance.  
  
“Oh yeah, that…” it was not that Michael wasn’t proud of his own moves on Eleanor. He simply felt uneasy revealing information to an underling, like who the hell Vicky thought she was to demand information from him? “It is going well.”  
  
“I knew it.” She rolled her eyes so hard that Michael thought she was retreating into her suit somehow.  
  
“Knew what?”  
  
“This was gonna fail because of you… what is it? Eleanor is not stupid enough to believe you are her soulmate for an infinite amount of reasons? What is it? Because you are too old? Too fat? Too ugly? Too good? Uuugh! I told you she was not gonna fall for a goody like ‘Michael the Architect’, you should’ve pretended to be a mailman who dedicated his life to deliver pizzas for the Kardashians or something! That would’ve given you a chance, even if small.” Michael was outraged, this was insubordination.  
  
“I am doing my part just fine, Vicky! I don’t need any of your advices concerning neither my decisions nor my personal background. Just how stupid do you think Eleanor is? A mailman who only delivered pizzas? Now I am worried for Chidi! I give this reboot one month before it fails because Chidi realizes your character is simply ridiculous!”  
  
“There is nothing ridiculous about a woman who dedicated her whole life to research a cure for cancer!”  
  
“It is when she died because of radiation and her name just happens to be Mary Curie! I don’t know what I was thinking…” for this moment both of them were clearly upset and standing in opposite extremes of the desk. She looked ready to jump over and claw her fingers to his eyes when he waved at her dismissively. “Just leave Vicky, don’t say a word and just leave, I have important things to do… you know why?”  
  
“…” The woman remained in her place with an expression that screamed ‘you serious?’  
  
“Oh right, I told you to shut up…” he cleared his throat and accommodated his jacket. “Because believe it or not, I have a date.” She rolled her eyes.  
  
“Oh yeah? Let me guess… you are gonna invite her to do something really lame like… eating frozen yoghurt or watching a movie that she hates?”  
  
“I will answer you that, Vicky, but you have to come over here for that.” He quickly stood up and walked to his office door. The woman was puzzled by this, it was really suspicious, but curiosity was bigger in her and so she approached him. Michael waited for her to be close and then softly smiled, placed a hand on her shoulder… and quickly pushed her out of his office.  
  
“You are basic!” and then he slammed the door on her face. Nobody was gonna tell him what he should do with his character or with his date, he was a goddamn architect! Designing was art for him! He knew exactly what to do and how to do it to cause the most pain! So he needed no one to give him any ideas! … Except for Janet, he needed Janet and fast.__


	5. Too hot to handle.

Eleanor had finally decided to stop worrying about what they were doing and what she should wear, because: first, he was her soul mate, he better love her even with pajamas, which he’s already seen are not sexy at all, and also because she’d seen how the other people in the neighborhood dressed and with the exception being Tahani some of them were unbelievable… she questioned how it was possible for people wearing sandals with socks to be in The Good Place.  
  
It was about seven pm that there was a knock on her door.  
  
“Coming!” she jumped from her sofa, put her shoes on and opened the door, just like she was greeting her best friend “Hey, buddy! You came!” Eleanor was hoping for Michael to not exaggerate and appear wearing a tuxedo or something… because let’s face it; even her fanciest dresses were not as neat as Michael’s suits. Lucky her, he was wearing exactly that, his normal suit, together with a bouquet of red roses, which she hated.  
  
“Of course, I told you I would.”  
  
“Yes… yes, you did.” She moved from the door, granting him access. He followed her inside and offered the flowers, paying close attention to her expression. He knew she hated plants in general, but there was a particularly bad memory from her first boyfriend that had left her feeling hollow and traumatized for the rest of her lifespan and clearly even after. He was the reason she had no moral issue in stealing from his one-stands, hard to get it was wrong when the man you trusted at sixteen took your wallet and shoes leaving a rose instead. “Oh, are those for me? You shouldn’t have.” He chuckled in the inside, because of course he shouldn’t have.  
  
“Yes, these are for you. You see, Eleanor, if I am honest, this is… this is my first date ever, so I asked Janet, and she told me that it is customary for humans to present tokens of appreciation such as flowers or chocolates… and I know how much you love red roses.” Her complete face twisted and flinched.  
  
“You are right, same old me, plants lover!” she made an effort to take the roses from his hands and walked to the kitchen to put them inside the sink because she had no idea how to properly handle them, so far she knew they needed water and that was it. “Thank you.” She came back, trying to hide the mess behind her. “So… What is the plan, mate? I was thinking we could perhaps you know, just… chill out on the sofa and watch some of those memories of mine?” He was about to answer, but she quickly realized her mistake “Not that I am THAT self-centered, of course! I am just… you know…”  
  
“Feeling homesick?” As far as he wanted her to go with that explanation, they didn’t have all night for that and decided to give her a small push in the right direction.  
  
“Yeah! That exactly! Ugh, you know me so well! No doubt we are soul mates!” She playfully elbowed him and went to the sofa, patting its surface twice to invite him over.  
  
Instead of immediately following her, Michael took his time to appreciate this moment; it was refreshing. He’d re-acted the same scenarios most of the reboots, the introduction, the welcome party, the chaos sequence, but this? This scene was new, and it was thrilling because with Eleanor one could never be 100% sure that everything would go according to the plan.  
  
“Hey, Mikey, you coming or what?” he nodded and sat next to her. He had anticipated for this ‘date’ to be way more awkward, but it actually felt natural… at least for him, probably because he’s known her for over one hundred years, but for her? Even if slightly tense on the shoulders, she also looked way more comfortable with his presence than what he wanted her to be.  
  
“Is there any memory of your preference or should I just… go random?”  
  
“Random is fine.” Her eyes were stuck to the TV in front of them, the woman clearly didn’t care about Michael, he was nothing but a remote control that could play her a movie, and he adored her for that, she was so wickedly selfish.  
  
“Random will be.” With one wave of his hand the TV turned on displaying multiple words encapsulated in circles to the complete extension of the screen. It had been on purpose, this fleeting and almost inexistent peep of her ‘fake memories’ had caught her whole attention, eyes wide, trying to read everything at once, but getting nothing at all. With a second quick movement there was a change of scene and the disappointment in her face was priceless.  
  
A park appeared on the screen, full of people; a crowd. From their point of view (which Eleanor assumed to be her supposedly real point of view) all of the people were facing them, apparently menacing to destroy the tree to which she (the one in the memory) remained chained. She hated plants so badly.  
  
“Do you remember this one?” Of course she didn’t, she had never been to that park.  
  
“Sh sh sh.” She dared shush him! He figured out it was some kind of self-defense mechanism so he wouldn’t ask more questions… and decided based on that that he could grant her that wish, but at high cost.  
  
He kept his distance with his eyes fixed on her expression, enjoying every flinch of her body, every twitch of her face. Every few minutes she would jump from a feeling of comfort and content to one of pure horror or disgust, completely skeptical of a life such as the one being played to be possible, and more importantly; to be hers. At the very beginning he worried the woman would catch him looking at her as a bird of prey, hungry and dangerous. However, it didn’t take him long to realize her selfishness extended to such a point she didn’t even care he was in the room anymore, and so he lingered in his position, reading her face.  
  
After half an hour of short and rather innocuous (false) memories, he had decided it was time to raise the bar; it wouldn’t take long for the woman to get bored of all of those tedious memories. It was time for something a bit more… exciting. Michael suppressed a laugh growing in his throat; wide aware this was a risky card.  
  
For this moment Eleanor had lifted her legs from the floor and was currently sitting with her legs crossed on the sofa’s surface. A new memory started and she could tell it was late at night because it was really dark and all of the streets were empty. Only then Michael spoke.  
  
“This is one of my favorites.” And he was not lying. Eleanor vaguely glanced at him.  
  
“Oh yeah?” Something was off about this one; it wasn’t full of energy or lively as the others. It felt dark, and wrong and… depressing. The lack of sound, the lack of movement, she shivered because this felt too real. She had never been to those exact same streets, but from all the memories this one was the only one she could relate to, walking alone at night, trying to find her way home.  
  
Suddenly, there was a strong noise that only startled her; a scream. The Eleanor from the memory turned around to find a man molesting a woman, dragging her into a dark alley. His intentions were clear, and Eleanor’s heart froze because she was not prepared for such a change of genre in her memories.  
  
“You see… sins like this happen all the time on earth.” He had lowered himself strategically, finding his way closer to her right ear so he could whisper. “Any other person would’ve ignored it, none of their business…” Suddenly, she realized why this felt so familiar, she had never been to those exact streets, but she had been in the same situation; six years ago she was in a bar about to close, and as she exited the place she caught by the corner of her eye a woman being forced into a car. They were close, she could’ve done something if she had wanted to, but she was too scared and too drunk to coordinate and so she pretended she didn’t hear and didn’t see and turned around to walk the opposite way, aware this was taking her far away from home. But she had done it; she had continued her path, always caring for number one. Eleanor had spent the following three months convincing herself that the girl was just fine and safe back at home, but the truth is she didn’t know. “… But you are better than that.”  
  
His words right next to her ear felt like a bucket of iced water, and she blinked several times with her mouth open as waking up from a long nap. The memory was still playing, and as the Eleanor from it fought her way free from the man, the Eleanor next to Michael fought her way out of his schemes.  
  
“Hey! Have you ever heard of Netflix?” Her face turned in a movement so sharp Michael hardly managed to go back to his innocent posture by milliseconds, thankful that time didn‘t work for him the same way as for humans.  
  
“Netflix?” His brows were high. He was baffled, but not because of Eleanor’s classical mechanism to deal with pain or fear by simply ignoring the cause, no; it was because of the word ‘netflix’, was this yet another human futility?  
  
“Yes, it is… Hey, Janet!” The woman was next to them with the classical ‘bing’ sound.  
  
“Hi, there.”  
  
“Is there a chance we get… you know, Netflix in here?” she carelessly signaled at the screen. Janet turned to see it, and it only took one second for the dreadful previous scene to be replaced with the red logo.  
  
“There you go. Is there anything else I can help you with?”  
  
“Actually, now that you mention it…” Michael was unsure if to intervene or not, he felt somehow losing control, and he always hated that feeling but… there was something ever so charming about Eleanor taking it away from him. She was unpredictable, wild, and capricious… making all new fun experiences. And as unpredictable as she was, her head span and faced him with her bright blue eyes wide open. “Do you drink?” he was at a loss for words, they were just watching a woman about to be raped, with him intending for her to have a traumatic experience and here she was… offering him a drink. “Nah! If you don’t, then you will start now.” She turned once again, facing Janet. “We are on a date,” were they, though? He was absolutely no expert, but could this be considered a date? “So I think I’m gonna go with some wine.” With a second ‘bing’ a fancy bottle of wine appeared on the coffee table in front of them, together with two cups.  
  
Michael stared at Janet with his mouth open and his hands extended in utter confusion. He was positive Janet had misunderstood his signs when she nodded in acknowledgement and all of a sudden both of them were covered by a soft blanket, with the room showered by the low-light of scented candles. It was never part of the plan for him to get this discombobulated, just why there were rose petals everywhere?  
  
“Aaaw! A blanket! You really know how to pamper a woman!” Eleanor was clearly talking to Janet, not him. “You know what would go great with all of this?” Michael just looked at her clueless, but made an effort to answer anyway.  
  
“I… I don’t know, some shrimps?” His right hand waved carelessly, as he had no idea.  
  
“Uuuh! I like that!” She traveled his body down and up with complicity. “Can we have some shrimps in nacho cheese sauce?” Right away there was a big bowl together with the wine on the table. “Uhm… what about… bigger?” her nose wrinkled with her index finger touching her lips, pretending to be shy. Janet did as she was told and Eleanor leaned forward to embrace the giant bowl of shrimps covered with cheese in her arms. “Come with momma.”  
  
“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Michael remained silent, and static, fearing for his body language to be misunderstood once again. “Then, I leave you two with your date, bye!” she smiled and left waving.  
  
“Want some?” Eleanor offered him, while reaching for a cup of wine. He answered her by shaking his head politely. He highly doubted the offer to be real; she certainly wanted all of the shrimps for her only.  
  
The woman looked on the streaming platform for the series ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’, obviously without asking him a thing, and after lashing out about it not being anywhere she settled down for six consecutive episodes of something called ‘Too hot to handle’. He cursed her… at the beginning. He had come to enjoy the show after the second episode, humans were just so… disgusting. It was a refreshing reminder of why he loved his job so much.  
  
He could’ve continued the torture, but… he suspected that deep down his previous attempt with the false memories had actually affected her deeper than he had thought at first, and Michael had realized by attempt number three sixty-four that everything was about balance when it came to Eleanor; she couldn’t suffer too much or she would become suspicious. There was this ‘invisible top line’ of pain she could not reach without noticing something was off, he had calculated it to be exactly at 85% of agony, just one more event would cause her to immediately jump into the realization of the real nature of the neighborhood. So, he took a deep breath and let her have as much fun as she fancied, in order to restore her balance… so the torture could continue.  
  
Up to episode seven, Eleanor had drunk not just her cup of wine, but Michael’s and half of the bottle. He assumed it was because of a self-defense mechanism once again, alcohol was the way most humans dealt with pain and Eleanor was no exception. Her head was comfortably resting on his shoulder, when out of the blue, she snorted with laughter, though there was nothing funny –not that he could really tell- happening on the show. He turned to find her staring at his face.  
  
“What? What is it? Do I-?”  
  
“It is funny, you know?” He had no idea, of course. “This is the first time I invite someone to watch Netflix and we end up… you know, actually watching Netflix!” she gestured towards the tv, with much fascination. “If I am honest, most of the time I didn’t even have Netflix.” She laughed a second time, it filled the room. “And to think that you are my soul mate…”  
  
“I don’t understand, why would you invite someone to do something if you never intended to-“ he stopped, almost everything humans created was destined to sexual purposes. “Oh.”  
  
“Hey, can I ask you something? You know... from soul mate to soul mate.” His skinsuit tensed with fear of Eleanor becoming suspicious. But he tilted his head in agreement. “When I asked if you wanted some shrimps… you said no because you don’t like them and this is a scam or because angels don’t eat?” Her chin was piercing his shoulder and he could feel the smell of wine and cheese close to his face.  
  
“Eleanor…” Michael shifted in his place, and Eleanor moved back so both of them would face each other. “I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a while; I actually think I did on day one, but… I am not an angel.”  
  
“Oh, I know.” Michael’s brows furrowed. “I just think it suits, you know? Like… you are the closest to an angel I’ve ever met.” Oh, that was hilarious and so adorable, in a stupid kind of way, of course.  
  
“Oh… ok, well, as long as you are aware I am not a real angel.”  
  
“I know, Janet, I know.” She rolled her eyes mockingly, but just then Janet appeared, “not now, Janet.”  
  
“Ok, bye.” And she left once again.  
  
“And… concerning the other matter; I don’t need to eat, but I can, sometimes it helps.” Eleanor wanted to ask help with what exactly but Michael was faster, “I assumed you wanted the shrimps more than I did, so I let you have them all. You seem to really like them.”  
  
Eleanor’s jaw closed slowly, and her lower lip trembled slightly. She had not considered that as an option, for someone else to quit on anything –especially not shrimps- because of a dirtbag from Arizona.  
  
“Should we -like- kiss?” She couldn’t help herself, on one hand Michael’s altruism left her feeling on debt, and so she thought on some ways to return the favor. On the other hand, there was this awkward feeling in her chest, that made her feel vulnerable and she hated feeling that way, so she reacted in the way she deals with most of her emotions: being horny. That, and all of the seven episodes had really worked her up.  
  
Michael’s eyebrows went so high it seemed unnatural.  
  
“I- I really don’t think that would be a good idea.” He was trying to turn her offer down in the most polite of the ways, still unsure about her percentage of pain. He was not willing to get in touch with her food-hole just either.  
  
“Why? Is it because you are this eternal being?” Classical Shellstrop, the problem was definitely him; Eleanor did not even consider the possibility of the reason being her.  
  
“No… I mean, yes- I mean no.” Finally, Michael decided even if he had been having much fun with their ‘date’ so far, he could watch the rest of the episodes on his own and leave right away, before everything became –more- complicated. He stood up, with Eleanor’s eyes following him all the way up. “You are drunk, and I should leave.”  
  
It was the second time that night the woman felt the same feeling in her chest. No man –or woman- had ever passed by the chance to ‘have fun’ with her while drunk. At least not guys like Michael. The feeling being different from rejection; it was respect.  
  
“Oh, yeah, sure, you can –you know- leave, that is cool, too.” She quickly stood up behind him with the intention to escort him to the door, but the movement was too sharp and the room span around her. Michael caught her by the arm and kept her in place with a firm but reassuring embrace.  
  
“You should go rest, I know the way out.”  
  
“Are you sure? That wouldn’t be really ‘host-ish’ of me.”  
  
“Eleanor, please, I am your soul mate, not Tahani’s. The door is right there.” The woman smiled and nodded. He was right, she wasn’t Tahani and it felt good to not have to push herself to pretend to be someone else for one minute.  
  
Michael smiled her goodbye and marched to the door, just when he was about to leave, Eleanor called his name.  
  
“Michael.” He stopped. “You know everything, right?” he turned, curious of where was the woman going. “Do you know if she is… you know, okay?” She who? “I mean, the woman from my memory, the one I… the one I helped, did I save her? Is she fine?”  
  
The smell of the scented candles was still present in the room, and he wished for Eleanor to remember to blow them out before going to bed. He took a moment to think of this while analyzing all the possible outcomes; Just as he had suspected his ‘memory trick’ had been more effective than thought at the beginning, with it still going through her mind. How safe would be for him to deliver the darkest of the answers with her feeling that way? Would she immediately realize this was The Bad Place? Finally, he made his choice.  
  
“Yes, Eleanor. That woman got home safe and sound together with her children… thanks to you.” The smile she gave him made him feel like one of his former disemboweled victims. Not that he could really tell, he had no real bowels. But there was this… strange feeling like being pulled from the inside.  
  
“Good night, Michael.”  
  
“Good night.”


	6. It's raining chilli, hallelujah.

All the candles from the previous night had burnt over night, and it was a mystery why the house didn’t burn down with them (because of it being The Good Place, Eleanor thought). The bouquet of flowers given by Michael, was already perishing inside her sink and all the red petals on her bed were lying all over the floor.  
  
“Hey, Janet?”  
  
‘Bing’  
  
“Hi, there.” She smiled, not even looking around the place. Eleanor was thankful for the not-judging nature of Janet.  
  
“You know everyone in this place, right? Like… really know them?”  
  
“Yes, I do know all of the other humans in this neighborhood, their complete life and back story before dying on earth. But it is confidential.” Eleanor’s face flinched.  
  
“I know, I know, but… is there a chance you know someone in this neighborhood who can…. I don’t know; help me become a better person?”  
  
\---  
  
Michael was waiting in the park, the introduction day two was about to begin. Janet had been standing next to him just a second ago but she left because ‘one of the humans’ needed her… sigh.  
  
Most demons were already sitting on their chairs, Tahani and Jason were walking their way by and Chidi was sitting next to Vicky on the second row. What none of them knew –including Michael- was that Eleanor and Janet were there as well, just about one mile away.  
  
“So… the one over there, wearing that nerdy sweater vest is Chidi Ana… Anagu…Anacon… Whatever, he is Chidi, the ethics professor who can help me?”  
  
“Yes, he is. According to my records Chidi Anagonye is the most suitable human for the job.”  
  
“He seems like a nerd…”  
  
\---  
  
Eleanor had just seated on the last row waiting for Michael to start the presentation. Janet appeared next to him with her typical ‘bing’ and revealed how all of them could get to fly. It was, indeed, one of Eleanor’s dreams, but most surely for different reasons and it was no longer useful in heaven as she couldn’t use it to peep on people’s passwords.  
  
Once his presentation was over, everyone stood up and marched calmly to form a line in order to fly. Eleanor was seriously considering skipping it all and getting at the very start, pretending to be the first person’s best friend, but… Chidi was there. It took a deep breath to help her get the idea of being the first to fly out of her mind and ready to ask for help. She approached him and Vicky with a soft smile, trying to look friendly.  
  
“Hi, are you Chidi?”  
  
“Yes, he is. But the question is who are you?” Maybe too friendly, because his soulmate had just jumped to her neck… it was in a soft tone and with a big smile, but Eleanor was pretty familiar with crazy girlfriends and this one…? This one looked like the craziest of all.  
  
“Oh, hi, yes I am Chidi, Chidi Anagonye. Do I… Do I know you?” Eleanor looked both of them, trying to understand how this nerd but clearly kind guy was with this insane woman.  
  
“Ah, well no! We don’t really know each other, it’s just… I’ve been told you used to work as an ethics professor of some kind? Is that correct?” She was unsure if it was better to talk to Chidi or his soulmate, she felt her eyes darting at her.  
  
“Yes, yes I was!” He seemed really happy with the recognition of his job, clearly proud of his profession.  
  
“Chidi, the waiting line is getting too large, we are gonna lose our chance to fly.” His smile was quickly gone.  
  
“You are right, sorry, so…”  
  
“Eleanor.”  
  
“Eleanor, how can I help you? Is there a reason you came-?”  
  
“Chidi!” Somehow, Eleanor could feel she was supposed to have this conversation, but she couldn’t handle having it with the crazy woman next to them. She would wait for him to be alone.  
  
“Nothing important, really, why don’t you two go first? I’ll just… help move the chairs back.”  
  
“Oh, maybe we should also help.” Oh, jeez, he was definitely a goody two shoes. She started to sorely regret her decision when Michael appeared from nowhere.  
  
“I see you four met each other.” In spite of it being impossible, Eleanor could swear she caught Michael gazing at Chidi’s partner, even if for an instant. “Chidi, Victoria, I’d like to introduce you to-“  
  
“Eleanor! His soulmate!” The quickest way to get ‘Victoria’ off her back would be to let her know that she held no romantic interest on Chidi, because she had her own boyfriend, and so she locked her arm around his, sealing her words. “I had already told them my name, thank you, tho!” The man, however, tried to ‘play it cool’.  
  
“Oh, that is-“ Chidi was taken aback by this unexpected news. “-Great! I mean, you two look… we should get going.” He had no idea what to think or what to say, he preferred to simply run away, with ‘Victoria’ sending death-glares to Eleanor.  
  
“I thought you wanted me to keep a safe distance.” She didn’t listen, still cursing the other woman in her head, like she would ever have any interest in such a dork. “Have you changed your mind?”  
  
“Ah? Yes, yes…”  
  
“Eleanor.”  
  
“What? What is it?”  
  
“Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy your company, but I have some work to do, and… I need my arm.” It was now that she realized she was lashing out against Michael, her knuckles white because of her tight grip of his suit. She quickly let go and took a step back.  
  
“Oh, sorry, buddy.” He half-smiled to the floor and then back at her. She understood for the first time in her life the concept of ‘silver fox’, because that smile…  
  
“Don’t you want to try it?” Her imagination drifted. “Flying, I mean.”  
  
“Oh, shoot! You are right, I… I should get in the line, I mean… hey, is there a chance you could, you know…? Help me out a bit? You don’t need to get me to the first place –unless you want to- but maybe… second?”  
  
The reason behind Eleanor’s sudden and public show of affection and recognition had remained unclear for Michael, who had started to consider the idea of his plan going maybe ‘too well’, which was troublesome if nothing else. Until now, when he realized her change of mind had been with the one purpose of taking advantage of her position as ‘the boss’ girl’. That made much more sense and he could’ve kissed her for it –if he didn’t consider it gross as hell- because her manipulative nature was exquisite for his demonic nine dimensions spectrum of perception.  
  
“Oh, Eleanor, are you asking me to-“ he intended to play dumb as usual, get her in a moral dilemma, or at least try since Chidi was not around to tell her what to do. But Eleanor was faster, something had caught her attention once again, taking her away from him. She was so mercilessly detached he imagined he would feel devastated if their relationship wasn’t an absurd façade.  
  
“Nevermind, I changed my mind, I’ll wait in the line, it wouldn’t be fair for you. We don’t want anyone thinking you have favorites, right?” She winked an eye at him and left almost running towards the crowd of people. Michael feared for a minute, considering the possibility of Eleanor becoming better on her own… until he saw them. The girl had just left him so she could run to Chidi’s arms, there they were, talking and smiling… ugh. He barked a laugh; she was most definitely the most terrible girlfriend no one could ask for.  
  
\---  
  
Eleanor noticed how ‘Victoria’ was currently flying high in the sky, with Chidi calmly waiting on the floor. This was her chance. She didn’t hesitate a minute, winked at Michael and left, priorities were they should be.  
  
“Hey, Chilli, it’s me, Eleanor, remember?”  
  
“Oh, yeah, we just… we just met. It’s Chidi.” He startled, just a bit, as his full attention was high in the clouds with his soulmate.  
  
“Yes, whatever. So, listen, this is the thing, I… how should I say this? I am really interested in ethics and all that stuff, so I was thinking that maybe you would be interested in –I don’t know- teaching me?”  
  
“Oh… oh wow! That sounds like fun, I mean, I’d love to, Victoria and I are real fans of-“  
  
“No, not Victoria, only you.” She didn’t mean to be rude, but it would be impossible for her to learn anything with that hideous woman hating her very existence.  
  
“Oh, wait… what?”  
  
“I mean… please, don’t take this in the wrong way, but I seriously think your girlfriend hates me, and I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable attending classes with… well, a bullie.”  
  
“Are you calling my soulmate a bullie?”  
  
Just when she was about to answer her eyes flickered to the sky, catching Victoria looking at them. She quickly grabbed Chidi by the arm and dragged him through an alley. Out of everyone’s sight.  
  
“Wooo, what was that?!”  
  
“Listen, Chilli” He just couldn’t believe her, “I know it’s none of my business, but your girlfriend has some clear problems with me, so I’d really appreciate if we have classes, you know… alone. I mean! We don’t need to be alone, I just wouldn’t like to have them with her, because I feel like she’s gonna stick some gum in my hair any minute.”  
  
“Alright, first thing, you don’t know her, she is not that bad.” Eleanor looked at him with sarcasm, the fact he said ‘not that bad’ meant that he at least recognized something was off with their relationship. “And second, I can’t do that to her, she is my soulmate, even if I wanted to teach you ethics, for some non-clarified reason, I can’t hide that from her. And third, my name is Chidi, not Chilli, I am almost sure you did that on purpose.”  
  
“Why not? You could just tell her you are going to the toilet or something but go to my house instead, have some quick lessons about being a good person and then go back home… no one gets hurt.”  
  
“… That sounds about impossible.”  
  
\---  
Vicky was storming her way into the alley when caught by Michael.  
  
“Stop right there, Vicky.”  
  
“Michael, I was just-“  
  
“I know, I know, your jealous girlfriend role. You need to chill out. You are scaring Eleanor. Scaring. Eleanor. Shellstrop.” He repeated himself, emphasizing the odds with every word. “She usually asks for Chidi’s help on day two, this is already day three, it is about time they meet each other.” In spite of Vicky’s frowning she sighed and rolled her eyes in acknowledgement.  
  
“You are right, I guess… I was too into character, so what now?”  
  
“Let her talk to Chidi a few words… and then you can storm in and be your normal self.” He immediately recognized his mistake at seeing Vicky’s face. “I mean, your normal false-soulmate self, not the demon one.” She rolled her eyes.  
  
“I’ll try to ease off a bit… but hey, you need to gain some control over Eleanor, okay? Because I seriously feel like I’m doing the entire job in here.” Michael couldn’t believe his ears, gain some control? He was the puppet master! He had everything under control.  
  
“Gain control…?” His voice low with annoyance.  
  
“Pfff…” Even when the distance between them was not too much, Vicky shortened it by one step, almost whispering. “You know what I mean, I know you have a thing for that Eleanor girl, I don’t really care, but you need to stop letting her run free about this whole simulation. Put her on a leash or something.”  
  
His face became red, with anger, not embarrassment.  
  
“How dare you?”  
  
“Oh, come on! Make the numbers, Michael. Tahani and the other idiot are waaaay more miserable, I’ve seen you whispering Tahani pieces of advice that lead nowhere, making both of them suffer, Chidi? Chidi is mine, and you can see he is afraid of daring to take his eyes off me… but Eleanor? She’s been eating shrimps, drinking alcohol and watching tv, what part of that is torture, uh?”  
  
This was outraging; he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, because it was clear that Vicky would never understand the subtlety of his job, especially when it came to Eleanor.  
  
“I have no time to explain the finesse of my plan to you now. I’ll handle Eleanor, you handle Chidi, make sure he agrees to teach her and stay out of their way. Understood?”  
  
“Fine!” She spat to her face “but don’t blame me when this whole thing blow up in your face!” her stomps echoing through the alley.  
  
\---  
  
“Uuuugh, ok, I didn’t want to say this, but… you gotta help me, man. I am not really into ethics and all that nerd stuff; I just need to become a better person, ok? I want to, I really do, and you are like a real professor, so… please?” Her hands and eyes pleading for Chidi’s mercy. “I am running out of options here.”  
  
“Wait, why would you need to learn how to be a good person? You are in The Good Place, you are one of the best people-“  
  
“Chidi baby! There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhe…” Vicky appeared between them both, and looked in shock at Eleanor. Her acting skills always on test. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, I can tell you are… really busy”. Chidi tried to stop her as she left sobbing with fake tears.  
  
“Victoria, wait! We were just talking! Uugh, stomachache!” Eleanor sighed heavily when Chidi left pursuing the woman, she was alone and forked. Nothing new.  
  
She dragged herself out of the alley and back to the main street where everyone was flying; when it started raining. However, it was a weird reddish color, Eleanor raised her hands, cupping the pouring liquid in her hands, she recognized the smell. Taking the risk she actually brought it to her lips and tasted it; it was chilli.  
  
The sky full of people was suddenly covered by screams and thunders. One lightning hit someone who crushed to the ground so hard she made an effort not to laugh. She was such a dirtbag. The one thing stopping her was her compelling need to become better, the little voice in her head almost yelling not to laugh that kept her from it.  
  
Everything was a mess, and between the panicking crowds was Michael.  
  
“Michael! What is happening?” It felt like a flood, like buckets and buckets of water being poured over her, with the exception of it being chilli instead.  
  
“I… I really don’t know, Eleanor. You should hurry home, you’ll be safer there.”  
  
“No shirt, man! It’s like the sky is falling on us!”  
  
“Eleanor, please, don’t make such a comment. I know it is an euphemism for your kind, but here in the afterlife that could be a real possibility.” Eleanor’s jaw tensed and she understood for the first time the concept of ‘shutting the trap’.  
  
\---  
  
The rain continued, she had been watching Netflix for over three hours already, occasionally staring out the window. The thunders were so loud it made almost impossible to understand the show, and so the one thing she could think was how messed up she was.  
  
It was not about ‘being good enough to stay’ anymore, it was about truly becoming a good person. Her complete life as a dirtbag was meaningless, she knew, she always knew and was totally fine with it, but… something about the previous night had made her change her mind.  
  
Everyone had been mean to her from the very beginning, her parents, her so-called-friends, her neighbors… and so, she grew up thinking that being an ash-hole was part of the norm, that being a good person was the equivalent rather of being a complete idiot or a superhero, not something possible for an average human being. Then, Michael showed her otherwise. The Eleanor from the memory had made it look so easy, it was not about saving a tree, giving money away to charities, or building houses for the poor, no… it was about real, solid acts of interest towards real people, like her. If she had known what a real impact it would’ve been if she had helped that woman being forced into the car, she may –just may- have helped her. That way she could have at least sleep without the little voice in her head telling her that she should have called the cops.  
  
She was as immersed in her self-pity thoughts as any dirtbag from Arizona could be while watching a bunch of sexy young adults rubbing their bodies against each other, when a series of strong thumps in her door scared the hell out of her. Just who could it be? Michael? Tahani? She rushed to the door, uncertain if to open.  
  
“Eleanor! Eleanor, it’s me! Chidi! Open up, please! I’m covered in chilli!” She quickly opened, trying to not show how amused she was by the sight of a Chidi covered in chilli. The moment she opened the door, the man almost threw himself in, together with enough of the mixture to eat for three days. Closing the door was a real achievement.  
  
“Hey, man! I’m really glad you decided to come, but… you could’ve waited till tomorrow, just sayin’.”  
  
“No! You don’t understand! Uuugh… stomachache.” Both his hands covered his stomach, and Eleanor worried it could actually be because of the chilli. “I… Victoria doesn’t want to see me, she is just heart-broken and I had nowhere to go, and so I said to myself ‘hey, you already ruined everything with your soulmate, you might as well just go ahead and at least try to help Eleanor’. So I did try to get here walking, but it was raining chilli and I know how funny this must be for you, considering how you continued to call me chilli, no mattering how many times I told you my name is-“  
  
“Chidi.” Her hand comforting in his arm, soaked with the spicy food. “Relax, chilli out.” She smiled, hoping her bad joke would cheer him up, or ‘chill him up’ as she told herself in her mind. “Everything will be just fine, Victoria is angry because she thinks you are somehow cheating on her by talking to me in a dark alley and… well, you are at my home now, so I guess she couldn’t get any angrier, right?”  
  
“Wait, are you alone? I thought Michael would be with you. Oooooh Victoria won’t like this.” He squirmed, while walking looking for a place to sit.  
  
“Michael? No, he is… he is busy trying to fix this mess.” Why it was everyone thought Michael lived there with her? Wait a minute! Were soulmates supposed to live together?! Why hasn’t Michael told her about that? Or did he? Maybe that is what he meant when asking about ‘keeping safe distance’. Well, something was for sure; she was not prepared to share her house with the one man who could never know about her real identity.  
  
“That makes sense, I hope he figures it out soon, because… I don’t know how I’ll get back home. Not like it’d matter, Victoria doesn’t want me back anyway.” He finally sat on the white coach, leaving red stains all over it. Eleanor cringed at the sight, hoping Janet could something about it later.  
  
“Alright, Chidi… It is Chidi, right? Yes. This is the thing…” She took a deep breath and approached him, sitting on top of the coffee table, aware the man would feel uncomfortable with her sitting next to him. “I’ve known women like Victoria and she will forgive you because she adores you! She is, you know… hurt and extremely paranoid, a bit crazy if you ask me. But she means good, you just need to let her know that she is the most important woman in your life, and that there is no way you could ever cheat on her with me, because… let’s face it, man. I’m way out of your league.”  
  
This time, and against all odds, he actually smiled back.  
  
“I can tell you are trying to be nice, though you are really terrible at it. Now I see why you wanted help with ‘being a good person’.”  
  
“Yep, that is exactly the reason! Me trying hard.” Still trying hard.  
  
“Yeah, because when you came to me saying that you needed help I was like ‘why would anyone already in The Good Place need help being a good person?’ but now I realize it is because you actually are a good person! You just don’t know how to properly express it.” Eleanor was totally unsure if to follow his crazy idea. She pursued her lips slowly nodding, it could actually work anyways.  
  
“Mh-hum! That is… correct. I am a good person, I just need help, you know… acting it.”  
  
“Ah… to be honest, I am still not sure about this whole ‘visiting to teach’ thing. It’s just… Victoria is a bit sensitive, and she may misunderstand-“  
  
“Hey! We’ve already discussed that. You can’t live your life in your tip toes, avoiding all women-“  
  
“And men.” She couldn’t believe it, her complete face disarranged in disbelief.  
  
“Seriously?! How do you even-? Nevermind, think about this; if you spend time with me, teaching me, she may realize there is nothing to be afraid and actually overcome her confidence issue.”  
  
“Do you really think so?” Not at all, that is the last thing Eleanor though could happen, but she needed Chidi to believe it.  
  
“Yeah. Totally. You should go, tell her how much you love her, that you’ll be spending a lot of time with me, and then that you love her again. Works every time, she will barely notice.”  
  
“I am not really sure about…” Eleanor rolled her eyes. She hasn’t developed the patience for this, at least not yet. Chidi better hurry with those lessons.  
  
“Janet.”  
  
“Hi, there.”  
  
“Could you get me a bouquet of flowers and some chocolates?”  
  
“Here you go.” Everything appeared magically as usual, and was handed to Eleanor, who at the same time handed it over to Chidi.  
  
“Oh! Janet, could you get me some clean clothes, please?”  
  
“No!” Just when Janet was about to complete her task, Eleanor interrupted her. “Trust me in this one, it is better you stay with those soaking in chilli clothes. It is for sure getting a lot of pity points.” Chidi was doubting, feeling a bit insulted by it, till Janet spoke, too.  
  
“She is right, according to my calculations; you are more possibly to be forgiven if you present yourself with tokens of affection and collateral damage. You look perfect.” She sold her deal with a wink and her right hand in an ‘ok’ sign. Then, she left.  
  
“Ah… fine. Then, chilli pants will be. Now, there is only one problem.”  
  
“What?” In the exact moment there was a lightning, followed by a thunder. “Oh… the chilli storm, you are right. I am not sure Victoria would take ok the idea of you sleeping here.”  
  
“You are right, I’ll just leave and do my best to get back, I mean… I am already dead! What is the worst that could happen, right?!”  
  
“But you are coming back to teach me… aren’t you?” Eleanor watched him stand up and stalk to the door. He sighed heavily, still holding the flowers and the chocolates.  
  
“Yes, yes, I will. I promise.” She smiled and only then stood up, stopping Chidi. He was making a sacrifice for her, putting his relationship on the line, and the voice in her head starting screaming all over again.  
  
“Hey, Chidi, wait! It’s just… there is a real storm out there, and, listen, I already told you, Victoria loves you, she really does. Perhaps you should… stay, I mean, not with me, but you could sleep on the sofa, and… what about this? If she gets angry because of you staying with me, you could –you know- never come back.” Her heart was pumping fast, she was not used to this feeling of self sacrifice, but everything happened so fast her self-preservation instincts couldn’t stop her on time.  
  
“… Really? After all the fuss you made?”  
  
“Yes, I mean… she is clearly important for you.”  
  
“... She is.” They both stood in awkward silence for a few moments. When Chidi finally spoke. “Hey, do you listen?”  
  
“I am trying, man! Don’t push me!”  
  
“No, no! I mean… listen.” The chilli rain had stopped somehow and the place was starting to get full of the soothing natural sounds of the night. No more thunders, no more lighting, only the occasional cricket. “I guess I can get home now… and be back tomorrow.”  
  
Eleanor was sure her smile was the one of a dork, stupid, devoted and more importantly; grateful. She nodded as a sign of good-bye.  
  
“See ya, dude. Say hi to Victoria.”  
  
“Sure, say hi to Michael.”  
  
Oh, shirt, Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of Michael in this chapter, but he is sure to come back in the next one.


	7. Lunch with a demon.

It was amazing how after such a weather disaster it only took one night for everything to be magically fixed. The place was filled with the delightful smell of rain, normal rain, though there was no indicator of it anywhere.  
  
Still on her pajamas she dragged herself out of bed and down the edge of her room. There was a rhythmical knocking in her door and she blinked hard, trying to determine a course of action.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
Michael stepped in, his suit looking as neat as ever, his smile soft and not a hair out of place. For God’s sake. Did the man even sleep? Did he need to? Why was he permanently so perfect?  
  
“Hey, Mikey.” She greeted him while rubbing her eyes with both hands, only to yawn one second after.  
  
He didn’t move. He used the time she was too focused on losing one eyelash to admire how poor effort she was putting into. Michael had gone through hundreds of reboots with the four humans; he’d seen all of them getting to know their soulmates, all of them reacting in different ways. Chidi was always the most eager, doing everything in his control to please the one person –or demon- next to him. Tahani, even if disappointed, tried her best to bound, somehow click with the false excuse of a partner she’s been paired up with, she diligently adapted as if changing for her companionship was her duty. Pitiful, Michael thought. Jason on the other hand was rather simple; he could hate or love his soulmate and act towards them in complete disregard of the consequences, regular Jason, no surprise. But that was the thing, he would act, they would do something. And then, there was Eleanor… currently standing in the middle of her living room, wearing a pajama that made her look somehow even smaller, just when Michael thought it to be physically impossible. This was it, the bottom of the barrel. Was she even human? Not even demons were capable of such a lack of interest.  
  
He promised himself that if this attempt failed, he would go with Chidi next as his soulmate. Just for the hecks of it. Just how big of a difference could that make?  
  
“Good morning.”  
  
“Sorry, I should probably go change; I mean… are you here just to visit me or you have something in mind?”  
  
Once again, he resorted to his fake shy personality. Fingers slightly curled behind his back and his eyes piercing the floor in embarrassment as an infatuated school girl. Blushed cheeks and everything.  
  
“I… It’s been a long morning, fixing yesterday’s disaster. I just thought we could… have lunch.”  
  
“Oh…” he glanced up just fast enough to see her mouth draw a perfect ‘o’.  
  
“You don’t need to, if you don’t want to. You know what? This was a stupid idea! Forget I even mentioned it.” His hand waved in disregard as he turned around in –false- shame.  
  
Surprisingly, there was the sound of her bare feet running to catch him on time.  
  
“No, wait! How could I say ‘no’ to my soulmate, right?” Oh, she was playing her role as his soulmate, this was even better. She was already forcing herself to do something she didn’t want to in order to stand for her lie. “Seriously, how could I say ‘no’?”  
  
“Oh, Eleanor… you are just as sweet as your file said.” She flinched; quite aware ‘sweet’ was not her definition.  
  
“Oh well… yes, of course! I’ll go get changed, I mean, I can’t go have lunch dressing like this, right?” the first one being playful, “right?” while this last one being serious. “No, wait that would be ridiculous…” He tilted his head, acknowledging this effort by the girl. “You are wearing a suit… that won’t work.” Oh, of course… that was it. “Hey, what if you…?” She couldn’t be for real, was she asking HIM to change HIS clothes so he would match her outfit? He was not having lunch in a restaurant full of demons wearing pajamas “No, you couldn’t pull it off.”  
  
Oh, that was it. Eleanor Shellstrop just signed herself in for the worst lunch of her life.  
  
“Pardon me?”  
  
“Just wait here, ‘kay? I’ll go get something comfier.” She winked an eye with her tongue clicking. She had no shame whatsoever.  
  
He made himself comfortable while staring at the clown portraits hanging in the wall… this was art. His mind drifted back to Eleanor’s comment on him not being able to ‘pull a pajama off’, just what did that mean? Why would he even wear one? That girl was infuriating, frustrating, irritating, infinite adjectives ending in ‘ing’ filled his train of thought. He stopped the moment he realized half of them were actually positive –at least for demons- and a bunch even arousing.  
  
“You see something you like?”  
  
“No!” his answer came out of his throat, skipping his brain analysis. He quickly turned to see the source of the question staring blankly at him, baffled by his response. “I mean-“  
  
“Jeez, man. You don’t need to be so rude with Psycho the Clown, I mean… you chose it, didn’t you? Yeah, he is a bit of a creep, especially at night, but doesn’t that make him have the most feelings? In the most disturbing of the ways.” She laughed and he felt safe, laughing with her in order to reassure her.  
  
The girl had chosen a dress, really unusual for her, and Michael was only left to wonder if she was hiding something unpleasant and was compensating in beauty for it, or if she had realized her comment had been savage and was already making up for it. Truth be told, Eleanor simply wanted to look like the legit snack she was. Over all she was going out by the hand of this almighty being. She might as well bump into Tahani or Victoria.  
  
Don’t get her wrong. She was a dirtbag, she knew she was and she was totally fine with it. Gotta love that self esteem, but... there was something wrong about going out like that when next to Michael. It was already bad enough how small she felt next to him, and at so many levels… she was clearly shorter by a solid foot if not more, but it was more than that, he was literally the closest to God she’s ever met, powerful enough to design and maintain a complete universe in the label of ‘neighborhood’. He was also way smarter, not that it was hard, but he literally knew everything, and over all… his biggest flaw –at least for her- he was so good. So. Damn. Good. He was just too perfect.  
  
She needed to try; she needed to at least put some effort in looking half as good in the outside as he was in the inside. She wondered if he could tell. Here she was, Eleanor Hot Babe Shellstrop, standing in front of this man, who was by all norm her soulmate… and he looked just as interested in her as he was while staring at the clowns. Next time she would try some perfume.  
  
\---  
  
The restaurant chosen by Michael was just as Eleanor had predicted, cute and classy. Surely some naïve teenage virgin would love it, but her? She just wanted something to drink and- wait a minute, was Michael a virgin? He was angel, he had never had a date before and… her jaw dropped when she noticed completely and utterly upset that in this scenario she was the old guy taking advantage somehow. Just how the tables have turned.  
  
“And so, that is how the complete third war was avoided, but don’t tell-”  
  
“Are you a virgin?!”  
  
…  
  
Silence, there was an awkward silence in the complete restaurant. Eleanor of course didn’t even imagine how truthfully mortified Michael felt, not because of the question itself as he couldn’t care less. But because the place was crowded with demons clearly barking some laughs in their heads. He was going to be targeted for sure.  
  
Just what the fork was that girl thinking?!  
  
“Sorry, sorry. Shouldn’t have asked it like that, it’s just-“  
  
Was this how girls felt when being cat called on the streets? Because if this was it, then it made all of those men’s torture all the more meaningful.  
  
“Eleanor.”  
  
“So…” she lowered her voice and approached him, making him feel even more uncomfortable with the whole setting, trying to remember himself who was the one to be tortured. “Have you ever…?”  
  
“Eleanor, I am an Architect.”  
  
“Holy-forking-shrimps, does that mean you have never-?”  
  
He just wondered how dangerous would it be –for him- to simply slap her mouth shut.  
  
“I am an immortal being who is-“  
  
“Yeah, yeah, beyond the meaningless pleasures of the flesh or something like that?”  
  
He wouldn’t phrase it like that. Especially because his kind was not. Demons were just as humans when it came to sexual preferences, some of them were really into it, twenty-four-seven, such as Trevor… some of them were okay with it when the chance came. But just like with humans, very few of them had their priorities somewhere else. He just found the process, even with his kind, to be gross… not to mention with humans. So much juice.  
  
“I wouldn’t use those exact words… How should I put this?” He looked for a metaphor, with his attention lost in his plate. “It is like food.”  
  
Eleanor blinked and leaned back, confused, even when deep down she considered it to be the perfect analogy.  
  
“You humans need food. Or at least you did so while alive. You don’t anymore, but you still continue to consume it out of habit. My kind on the hand… we never got the habit in the first place.”  
  
“So… you don’t need to have sex.” He smiled, she had understood. “But you can, depending on how delicious the snack.” No, she got it all wrong. He had noticed how often Eleanor referred to herself as ‘a real snack’, it made her statement all the worse.  
  
“… Eleanor.” Taking a deep breath, he finally nodded, surrendering. “Yes, I think that is one way to say it.”  
  
“So it is the exact same as for humans. That doesn’t answer my question, are you a virgin or not? It’s just I can tell you are embarrassed. I just don’t know if you are ashamed because you are a virgin at your… I don’t know, eight million something years or if you are that red because you are ashamed of being too sexualy active for a pure angel… oh shirt! Are you into some weird shirt?! Uh! Is it kinky?” her eyebrows up and down, suggestive. He could throw up right now.  
  
“Eleanor, please…”  
  
“C’mon, man, I am your soulmate. You literally read a file with my complete life… there are some things I deserve to know, right? As your soulmate, I mean.” He sighed heavily. Guessing she was actually right. His hands went to his face, rubbing it with fatigue… till he chuckled softly, still hidden by his palms. This girl was so devious she knew he was mortified, she knew he was extremely uncomfortable, and insisted on pushing him for her own amusement. Just wait for it, Eleanor.  
  
“Do you really want to know?”  
  
“Yes, yes I want… I mean, if you want to tell me.” She was hilarious.  
  
“I am.”  
  
“Oh shirt!”  
  
“Is that a problem?” Of course that was a problem. He had read her file.  
  
The file containing Eleanor Shellstrop’s sexual preferences was so huge it literally worked as a table by its own. That was actually one of the reasons Michael was positive he could pull this façade off, Eleanor was simply into too many things as to not be one of them; he just needed to play his cards well in the correct moment, damn he was sure he could convince her to follow him to the rest room right there, but… there was one thing that actually freaked her out, and it was virgins. The chapter referring to it was humiliating and cringy to read, even for him, the boys would rather be clumsy, eager and desperate enough as to hurt her, or as boring as starfishes on a mattress, leaving her alone to do ‘all the job’ and she had absolutely no patience for it.  
  
“No! I mean… it’s not your fault. It’s not your fault, right?” the second question came out in worry. Was there something wrong with him? She needed to know. “Are you some kind of creep?”  
  
“Eleanor…” His eyes narrowed, trying to express how tired he was feeling of the topic. And he was literally an all mighty being. But this, this was draining his energy.  
  
“Sorry, Sorry, no more questions…”  
  
“Thank you.”  
  
“Just one more!” She almost jumped from her chair, looking as eager as a toddler on Christmas. He sighed and nodded. “Do you have a pe-?”  
  
“Can we at least change the topic? Please?” His voice weak.  
  
“Alright, then… There is this one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you for a while.”  
  
“Is it somehow related to my genitals?”  
  
“No” She shook her head, honestly.  
  
“Is it related to my sexual life in anyway?”  
  
“I don’t think so, I am not sure.” Oh now he was curious.  
  
“Alright then… what is it?” His head resting on his right hand.  
  
“Where do you spend your nights?” That got him by surprise, he wasn’t expecting that question. Not after all the fuss she’s made. He wondered if it was just another way to question him on his sexual life. “I mean… do you even sleep?”  
  
“… I think I understand your question. No, Eleanor. I don’t sleep. It’s just like-“  
  
“Food.” He was glad he didn’t choose to mention- “And sex.” There she was.  
  
“Yes… I am unsure why you ask, but if you ever need me at night. I am in my office. The very same place we met the first time, remember?”  
  
“What? No!” She had expected for Michael to spend his free time in a luxurious mansion just like Tahani’s, or at least a cozy house like hers, somewhere, anywhere but his small office… she needed him to be somewhere comfortable, so she wouldn’t feel bad for keeping him outside. “I mean… why? Couldn’t you build you your own house or… I-I don’t know.” She knew he didn’t need a house, because he was supposed to live with her. All the other residents shared the house with their soulmate. She had paid close attention to it while walking to the restaurant.  
  
“It doesn’t work like that in the afterlife, besides…”  
  
_‘Please, don’t say we should live together. Please, don’t say we should live together.’ _  
  
“I don’t need to sleep.”  
  
She sighed out of relief.  
  
“Why? Is there a reason you-?” Michael wanted to know, to ask, but Eleanor was faster.  
  
“Should we live together?” Eleanor bit her own tongue while intently looking at Michael without blinking. It was not an invitation, it was an honest question. And she hoped for the man to understand it for what it was.  
  
“… Is that what you’d like?”  
  
This was terrible. Would real Eleanor like that? Was she supposed to like that?  
  
While Eleanor’s brain struggled to find an answer that would keep her safe from suspicions. He leaned forward, feasting on her clueless expressions. He was finally getting somewhere. Her convoluted face was delicious at many levels.  
  
When he appeared.  
  
“Oh, hi Eleanor!” His eyes jumped up, together with Eleanor’s, looking for the source of the greeting. Chidi had just come in the restaurant, holding Vicky’s hand. “Michael.” He politely leaned as hello. Michael felt uneasy, upset, like he has just been interrupted while watching his favorite TV show. The remote control taken away from him, together with Eleanor’s attention.  
  
“Chidi!” She seemed about to stand up, beamingly happy, when Victoria waved at both of them. Eleanor immediately retreated back as a threatened animal. “Oh, hi!”  
  
“Chidi, Victoria! What a pleasure to find you in here!” He couldn’t see through all nine Vicky’s dimensions. But she was doing her best to act happy and polite. “Would you like to join us?”  
  
The scholar immediately resorted to his soulmate, waiting for her response. Just when she was about to answer Eleanor spoke.  
  
“Hum, actually, I think we should get going. Chidi, Victoria.” The woman quickly stood up, uncomfortable and smiled the happy couple good bye. Michael couldn’t tell exactly why, at least not until he had to excuse himself and follow her outside, trying to understand what the fork just happened.  
  
“Eleanor, are you okay?”  
  
She swallowed hard, walking slowly back home, waiting for Michael to actually catch up with her. He was just so good, asking her how she was. Any other man would have complained about her lack of manners, or leaving the restaurant without paying her part.  
  
“Michael.” He didn’t answer, he simply kept her pace. “Why are you so good to me?”  
  
“What do you mean…?” he really had no idea. He was sure this was supposed to be torture. Yes, the plan was for him to gain her trust with acts of kindness, but why was Eleanor bringing that up all of a sudden? “Why wouldn’t I?” That answer alone caught her breath. She was not prepared for that. Men were good to her all the time, most of it because of one thing, but based on their previous conversation in the restaurant this was not the case… then, there was the fact he was her soulmate. But he didn’t even mention it. He was good to her because… why not? There was for the first time no ulterior reason. He was so good. So damn good. And she was nothing but a liar.  
  
“Yes, but… hey, I think I didn’t tell you.”  
  
“Tell me what?”  
  
“I am seeing Chidi.” Eleanor gazed up at him and stopped walking. The fact that Michael continued his way before realizing she had stopped made him the more adorable. He clearly didn’t see a problem in her words. She decided to clarify herself anyways. “I mean, as a student. Chidi will be teaching me ethics.”  
  
Michael froze, if he had a heart it would’ve stopped. Was Eleanor confessing to him about their ethic classes? She wasn’t supposed to do so. She wasn’t- damn, he damned Chidi, he damned Vicky, but most importantly, he damned Eleanor Shellstrop. Every time Michael felt closer to solving the puzzle that she was she would simply go in and change the rules. This endangered everything. Was he supposed to play dumb? Was he supposed to ignore the fact that that made absolutely no sense? Why would she study such a thing being in The Good Place?  
  
“Are you mad?”  
  
“… No.” Yes.  
  
“Are you sure?”  
  
“… Yes.” No.  
  
“You don’t need to make a big deal out of this. Chidi and I will be just… you know.”  
  
“I don’t know.” True.  
  
“Michael…” She sighed and crossed her arms; everything had been perfect –at least for her- in the restaurant, just when everything went south? “Do you trust me?”  
  
“… Yes.” No. One hundred times no. Four-hundred and ninety-nine times no to be exact.  
  
“I just need this.”  
  
“… Ok.” He felt so stupid. He’d seen a couple conversations like this in trivial comedy dramas… Was Eleanor Shellstrop somehow bumping him? Because that was how he was feeling… or at least he pictured, based on the television shows.  
  
“Are you jealous?”  
  
Oh.  
  
Is that what he was supposed to feel? Was he supposed to be jealous of Chidi? Why? Was there a reason? Did they…? Damn Eleanor Shellstrop! Why did you have to complicate everything?! This was not part of the plan –yet-.  
  
“… Should I?”  
  
Eleanor simply stared up at Michael, to suddenly snort with laughter. Oh… for the first time in forever he felt so extremely thankful for that sound. As a demon, he was supposed to despise it… but as Michael, the bunch of nerves at the edge of collapsing and rebooting everything once again he felt extremely thankful for this change in her mood.  
  
He was so busy going through this newfound fondness to her laughter that he barely noticed the woman holding him by his shoulders, pulling him slightly down and pressing her lips against the corner of his mouth. He suspected it had been unintentional, with her aiming somewhere else, but with him being too tall.  
  
“C’mon, Mikey, my boy… you and I know I am way out of Chidi’s league.” She moved back, releasing him, looking as blindfolded as a typical dork in a clichéd porch being kissed by the cheerleader. “I’ll head back home. Thank you for the lunch. You are too good.”  
  
He wanted to ask if that was bad, if somehow being ‘too good’ was actually ‘too bad’ because heck he could do much, but much worse. But the girl was already gone.__


	8. Better than nothing.

Eleanor Shellstrop was a first class liar. A professional. As a matter of fact, lying had saved her life more times than any doctor. But… she couldn’t lie to Michael, not after seeing Chidi and Victoria so happy.  
  
He was the Architect, he knew everything about everyone, and as good liar as she was, she was unsure for how long the secret of her classes could be kept to her soulmate… especially with everyone coming in and out of her house like it was a public bathroom. The moment Michael offered them to sit with them she panicked, because… it wouldn’t take long for Chidi or her soulmate to comment Michael about her proposal. She had decided in a microsecond that if Michael was to find out it was from her.  
  
Seeing both of them and realizing Victoria had ‘forgiven’ Chidi (though there was nothing to forgive to begin with), made her realize that maybe, just maybe… Michael would trust her. He could, perhaps, consider her classes as some hobby, and not a suspicious activity of any kind. If the jealousy made flesh a.k.a Victoria was handling the idea of Chidi spending some alone time with her… then Michael could take it as an innocent gesture too. And for what she could see, he did. He was simply too good.  
  
Much to Eleanor’s surprise it had been a relief. Yes, she was nervous and uneasy about her decision to confess, because it was really weird for someone in The Good Place to be attending ethics classes, but… on the other hand, it was ‘one less bullet’ to dodge. She wouldn’t have to hide every time she had classes with Chidi, or lie about her afternoons. She was tired of overanalyzing everything she said. It was too much for a Shellstrop.  
  
She startled when there was a soft knocking on her door, and made an effort to smile. Prepared to spend two hours pretending to enjoy ethics… but much to her surprise, the person knocking her door was no other than Victoria.  
  
“… Victoria? Hi!” She kept her smile, after the first moment of shock. Already thinking in how to protect her face, as she was positive fighting was not well seen in the Good Place.  
  
“Eleanor, right?”  
  
“Yes, yes that is me, same old… Eleanor. So, hum… what can I help you with? Maybe some sugar?” She dared joke about it.  
  
“Can I come in?” Eleanor’s fake smile tensed, was the woman planning on murdering in her own house? “It’s about Chidi.” Oh fork.  
  
“Huuuum…” She hissed. “I’m not sure. My boyfriend will come home any minute and he can be really jealous.” Victoria looked completely out of place, and of course she was. Eleanor had said it out of habit, every time she didn’t want a guy inside her house she would drop that line together with something like ‘he’s a cop’ or depending on the guy ‘they still haven’t found my other boyfriend’ but of course that wouldn’t work with her boyfriend being…  
  
“Michael?” Victoria’s eyes wide open in doubt. “Are you for real? I hadn’t thought him to be like that…”  
  
“Oh yeah, he is, uhum… and let’s be honest you are like really hot, so... I wouldn’t blame him. You should probably go.”  
  
“Oh, sure, I… I will, I just wanted to say that…” Victoria gulped hard, pretending to gain the courage she didn’t really need. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m sorry for scaring you the other day. It’s just… I really love Chidi, and I’m scared someone as cute as you could… you know, distract him. You are really cute, Eleanor. Really, really cute.” Eleanor smiled awkwardly, was Victoria hitting on her? Because she’s been a long time without having any real action, and considering her soulmate was a virginal angel this offering was tempting.  
  
“I’m sorry, do you wanna come in? I think we could talk this up and-“  
  
“Didn’t you say Michael was coming in a really menacing tone? He is like the boss in here, I don’t want problems with-“  
  
“Oh yeah, you are right, yes… Michael. So, what were you saying?” she shook her head, trying to stay focused.  
  
“That… that was it. Chidi told me about your classes, and explained to me how you advised him to go back home. So… I’m really, really grateful to you, Eleanor.”  
  
“Oh, well, why don’t you come in and we can-?”  
  
“Eleanor.”  
  
“Oh yeah! Right, sorry… Well, I am glad everything is clear now, so… are we good? Are you okay with Chidi coming from time to time so we can have some fun?” Victoria’s face twisted so she quickly added “studying ethics, I mean!”  
  
“Oh, well… yes, yes. I am.” Then, she hugged her so fast, Eleanor was unsure if she was still hitting on her. But once again, she shook her head, Chidi was gonna be her teacher and her one way to stay on heaven, so she better not screw that up by sleeping with his soulmate.  
  
“Good bye, Eleanor. And thank you.”  
  
“Bye!” She went back in and closed the door, flustered by the completely unexpected event “Oh wow… that was hot. Now I see why Chidi is so into her.”  
  
\---  
  
Michael was freaking out in his office, missing his bowtie and with his hair out of place after so many times he’d run his fingers through it. The desk full of papers was not helping either, accompanied by Eleanor’s file being displayed on the air.  
  
He was absently minded looking at it, trying to find a short cut of some kind, some explanation for her confession, somewhere to go.  
  
“Hey, Michael?”  
  
He startled and immediately shut the image. Although, it wasn’t necessary, the one asking was Vicky.  
  
“For Belzebuth’s damnation, Vicky! This is an office, learn to knock!”  
  
“Okay, first; chill, I am a demon. Second: What’s with all of this? Oh wow… you really are into Eleanor. Now I see why she says you are jealous.”  
  
“I am NOT jealous! Wait, did she say that to you? Why? When? How?” his hand up, suddenly fell, with him sitting back down heavily. “… Sit. We have a problem.” Vicky did as told, though clearly against it.  
  
“What happened now? I told you to put her on a leash or something.”  
  
“The one I have to put on a leash is you! You scared the hell out of Eleanor Shellstrop and now she runs away from restaurants!”  
  
“… What?” Michael took a deep and heavy breath and displayed the screen on the air once again.  
  
“She told me about the ethics classes…”  
  
“So what?”  
  
“So what?! That wasn’t supposed to happen! She was supposed to hide that from me, specifically from me for about one month, so I could find out ‘by accident’ and make a fuss out of it! A complete misunderstanding, one month of torture completely to the garbage, and… do you even read the files I send you?”  
  
“Uuf, no, they are too long.”  
  
“This one was about six pages, Vicky, SIX! I am surrounded by idiots…”  
  
“Hey! I am not the one whose plan has failed almost five hundred times! Besides… I went to talk to her; I don’t think she is scared of me anymore. Actually, I think she’s kind of into me now, so I’m gonna say this again: put her on a leash! I don’t want her all over me.” Her eyebrows frowned; the idea of the human fancying her, even if flattering, only meant more work.  
  
“And how did that happen? She was terrified like one hour ago.”  
  
“I don’t know… I went to visit her, and after she brought you up to scare me out her house, she became all touchy… I don’t care; just do something about her, okay? I’ve got enough in my plate right now.” Michael’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t know about this. He had underestimated Eleanor’s libido, he shouldn’t have.  
  
“… Talking of which, do you know if Eleanor and Chidi have… you know, ‘bounded’?” his tone suggestive, hoping Vicky would catch the implications.  
  
“Are you asking me if they had sex? Jeez, Michael, now I understand why all the demons are talking about you being a virgin, say it: sex. It won’t kill you.” He rolled his eyes; of course the rumor had spread already. “No, that’s impossible. Chidi is way too happy and relaxed as to be cheating on me. Why? Did Eleanor say something? Because if she did…”  
  
“If she did what?” he smirked, amused by the sudden attachment of his colleague to his human. It was becoming personal, and he was the one supposed to be jealous. When there was no answer beyond Vicky’s enraged expression, he continued “She asked me if I was jealous, which of course I am not, but again… I am unsure why she mentioned it; humans have so many useless emotions… why would I be jealous? Is there a reason? Should I pretend to be jealous?”  
  
“Acting jealous is art, Michael… I don’t expect a rookie like you to understand its complexity.”  
  
That was it, if Michael was upset before, now he was infuriated. A rookie? Him?! He was no rookie! If he wanted to be jealous he would be! But there was no reason! Or was it…? No! He rubbed his face for the sixth time that day.  
  
“We’ll be skipping to phase C37.”  
  
“…”  
  
“You don’t read anything I send you… do you?”  
  
“Nothing over one page.” This was going to be a long reboot.  
  
“Just keep doing whatever you are doing, and let me know if Chidi acts weird or something.”  
  
“Great! Then this meeting was completely useless, I gotta go back so I can say good bye to Chidi with my big and sad eyes.” Her face resembled a puppy. Michael refrained from kicking her to the sun. “Before he goes to your dear Eleanor to teach her how to be a good person.”  
  
“Yes… yes, whatever. Go to him, I… have to pay Tahani a visit.”  
  
“Uh, are you gonna advice her on how to get to that excuse of a soulmate she has? Jason was it? Can I give you some advice?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Okay you’ll go, look her right in the eyes and-“  
  
“I said no. Now, leave and for Satan’s torture, read the damn files!” He was losing his temper… Vicky should be grateful he had no cocooning abilities as Shawn’s.  
  
“Alright, jeez…”  
  
\---  
  
Just as expected, Chidi had presented himself in Eleanor’s house and they had discussed moral philosophy for over an hour now. Eleanor contemplated how bad could The Bad Place actually be, because this… this was torture.  
  
Her mind was completely somewhere else, not paying any attention to Chidi who was enthusiastically reciting some quotes from ‘famous philosophers’ as if that was a real thing, when something finally brought Eleanor back to the room. The mention of how unbreakable promises were. That could be useful for her.  
  
“So… wait, wait a minute. Are you saying that just because you promise someone to do something… then you won’t break that promise?”  
  
“Well… no, just as I’ve been saying for over an hour, that would be unethical. If you tell someone you are going to do something, then you must. Words carry a compromise and-“  
  
“Chidi, can I tell you something?” he froze, with his eyes looking from one place to another in –almost- fear.  
  
“… Yes?”  
  
“But you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone!” her dead serious expression only unsettled him more.  
  
“… Perhaps I should just leave.”  
  
“No, no, no, wait! Chidi, please. I…” She took a deep breath, stilling herself to some real human connection she had never been really used to. “I have no one else to talk to. This may be a shock to you, but you are actually the closest to a friend I have in here.”  
  
“What? No. You can’t give me that responsibility.” Eleanor’s eyes almost popped out. Seriously, he was calling her friendship a responsibility? Wow... Neeeeeerd. “We just met yesterday and… what about Michael? He is your soulmate, I am sure it’d be better if you tell him your secrets.”  
  
“I can’t tell Michael… actually he is the last not-a-person who should know my secret.”  
  
“Oh, so it is a secret! I don’t know, Eleanor. I am not really good with…”  
  
“Oh, but you are good! Chidi, you are one of the best people who have ever lived or something like that, that is why you are in The Good Place, and by keeping my secret I would feel much much better, you’d be helping me, please? You just need to listen to me and stay quiet… that’s it. It’s not like I’m asking you to murder someone or take me to the airport, no. You just have to promise me not to tell my secret to anyone else… please?” The small woman in front of her had suddenly the puppiest eyes he’s ever seen, if that was a thing.  
  
“… Fine, I promise I won’t tell anyone your secret, but-“  
  
“I don’t belong here.”  
  
“… Wait what?” The blood seemed to leave his face.  
  
“There’s been a terrible mistake in this ‘perfect’ system of Michael’s… I should not be here.”  
  
“What do you mean you shouldn’t be here? Should you be somewhere else like… Earth? Are you in denial?”  
  
“No, what I mean is…” she took a second, analyzing Chidi’s expression at the edge of a complete break down. “I am not the Eleanor Shellstrop Michael thinks I am. I wasn’t a lawyer, I didn’t help any kids from a fire on an orphanage, I didn’t chain myself to a tree to stop it from being chopped, and many other amazing things I was supposed to do… if you ask me, I think that woman doesn’t even exist, but all of those things actually explain why she would be with an angel… ugh.”  
  
Chidi’s jaw fell hard while taking in this confession.  
  
“… You have to tell Michael.”  
  
“What? No! Are you insane?! If I tell him I am not THAT Eleanor Shellstrop he is sending me to The Bad Place!”  
  
“Well… we don’t know that, perhaps you are not THAT Eleanor Shellstrop, but you are still a good person and…” he stopped talking, suddenly realizing her odd behavior made sense because she was NOT a good person. “Oh. Well, he is still your soulmate, perhaps he would consider keeping you here.”  
  
“I am NOT his soulmate you idiot!” Chidi blinked feeling insulted; he was only trying to help and was being offended instead. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to… Ugh! Can’t you see? I am not Michael’s soulmate… he would never be with someone like me. This whole thing has been a terrible mistake.”  
  
“What do you mean ‘someone like you’?”  
  
“I…” she gulped, quite aware she was a dirtbag, but not ready to orally express it. “I am not an angel to say the least.”  
  
“Oh my…” his hands in his mouth, trying to cover his horror. “A minute ago, when you told me you weren’t telling me to murder someone… have you actually-?  
  
“I am not a psychopath, Chidi! I am just not like these people! I am just a regular person, with regular interests, which for some stupid reason means you deserve eternal damnation, which is completely unfair! I hate this system! There should be a medium place, that’s it! I belong to the medium place!”  
  
“… I have a stomachache. I think I should tell Michael.” He seemed about to march his way out of there, being stopped by Eleanor.  
  
“No, Chidi, wait, wait! You can’t tell Michael! I don’t wanna go to The Bad Place, besides… I am trying, I mean, to… be good.”  
  
“No, Eleanor. What you are trying to do is to fool Michael, you don’t understand.” Chidi was starting to feel worked out, too much information and Eleanor was clearly not getting the whole picture. “Okay, let’s pretend for just one minute that you are actually good enough to be here, you are not the Eleanor Michael thinks you are… but still good enough to stay, just pretending, okay?”  
  
“U-hum.” She nodded enthusiastically, because that is all what she was asking for, good enough to stay, to stop collapsing the complete reality every time she dared call out or bully someone.  
  
“Then… even under those circumstances, Michael is still affected. He thinks you are his soulmate, he thinks you are perfect.”  
  
“No, he doesn’t.” She chuckled, completely amused by the idea.  
  
“Yes, Eleanor, that is what Michael thinks of you. He thinks you are the most perfect woman not here, but in the universe, he thinks you are the solution to all his problems and that you two are meant to be together for eternity…” his hands strong in her shoulders, with their eyes connecting to a point in which Eleanor was unsure if to be turned on, uncomfortable or worried. For now, she was feeling simply vulnerable. And she hated it. “I know it because that is how I feel for Victoria.”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“And because Michael literally said so in the introduction video day one. But I am guessing that just like during my class you weren’t really paying attention… Lord, you really are bad. How did this happen?”  
  
“I… I really don’t know, man. I guess Michael forked it up?”  
  
“… Eleanor, he deserves to know. You can’t fool an angel for eternity, at some point he is bond to find out.” Eleanor stared at her hands, nervously twisting.  
  
“Just let me try. I know I am not what Michael expects of me, but… I wanna try.” Her face went up, full of determination. “Just give me the chance to improve, to be better. Teach me how to be a good person. I know I will probably never be good enough for Michael, but… who knows? Maybe I can make it work.”  
  
“… Eleanor.”  
  
“Think about this, right now Michael has me. I talked to Janet, this is the first time something like this happens, I am literally the first human ever to be paired up with ‘an Architect’. The guy hasn’t even gone on a date! I may not be a saint! But at least I am real, I am… better than nothing! That is it! I am better than nothing!” she pointed at him, completely proud of her self defense.  
  
“Michael is an almighty being who’s lived for centuries; I don’t think he is in need of any company.”  
  
“… I actually happen to think otherwise. I think he could be really happy with me. I am a real snack, can’t you see?”  
  
“That is not the discussion here, I am not even sure he comprehends the concept of beauty as we humans do. What if he doesn’t see humans as attractive creatures? Then your one and only trait is reduced to nothing.” He quickly cleared his throat, catching Eleanor’s insulted expression. “I mean, not like you don’t have other positive traits, but that was the only one you mentioned.”  
  
“What about this…? Give me some time, okay? So I can spend some time with Michael, get to know him, while you teach me how to be good enough to stay here without destroying the reality and so I can prove to you that I can be his sou-“  
  
“What did you say about destroying the reality?”  
  
“Oh, uh, look how late it is, we should discuss that in tomorrow’s class.”  
  
“No, Eleanor that sounded important. What did you say about destroying reality?”  
  
“Victoria must be worried for you; you should totally go see her.”  
  
“No, Victoria can wait. But this-“  
  
“Uuuuh, jeez! That hurt!” She flinched with her nose full of wrinkles. “’Victoria can wait’ that was savage, Chidi… I wouldn’t keep Michael waiting.”  
  
“... You are right. She must be worried, what should I do? Am I being selfish? Should I worry more for her feelings than the integrity of the universe?”  
  
“I don’t know, you tell me, you are the moral and ethics professor… but I’ll tell you, man: tic tac.”  
  
“You are right, I’ll go!” Eleanor has won this time, Chidi turned running to the door with her chuckling beneath her breath, that class had gone really well. She’s learned so much, Chidi seemed extremely easy to manipulate and she was already feeling a better person.


	9. I spy with my little eye

Tahani’s afterlife had been peaceful so far. A bit frustrating, yes, but peaceful; it was not much different from being alive. Her mansion just as big, her parties just as magnificent, her hair just as perfect and, of course, her existence just as lonely. Her soulmate Jianyu has refused to say a single word so far and she has run out of ways to try and communicate with him. So she’s decided to take some time out on her own doing some therapeutic but unnecessary gardening to her already perfect garden.  
  
“Tahani?”  
  
“Oh, Michael!” The woman stood up, noticing the presence of the taller man next to her. “I hadn’t seen you. My apologies.” Still holding a flower pot. “I was just paying some attention to these beautiful roses you grew in here.”  
  
“I’m glad you like them.” He smiled softly as always, it was a permanent gesture which held for too long hurt his skin suit on the cheeks, and it explained why some humans had different emotions, so their cheeks wouldn’t hurt. Stupid weak muscles. “I just wanted to check on you, see how things are going. Are you enjoying your afterlife so far?”  
  
“Oh! It’s been marvelous, Michael! A magnificent experience for sure, well… you know, ignoring these small ‘incidents’” Immediately Michael’s smile disappeared, to be replaced with the pouting lips of someone about to cry. “Oh no, no, no! I mean, even those were thrilling experiences! What was that thing you said? Chilli? Never had that before! It sure was a-“  
  
“You don’t need to pretend, Tahani, I know this has been a disaster.”  
  
“Michael, please! Yes… It’s not been perfect, that thing was impossible to get out my dress and I certainly had to dispose of it in the trash, but… nobody said heaven had to be perfect.” Her big smile tried to comfort him, having the opposite effect.  
  
“I did! Day one! It was even written on the wall! This is The Good Place, Tahani, it is supposed to be perfect! Oh…” he let go a gasp, pretending to be suffocating, losing the color of his face and bending on himself. Tahani was quick to leave the flower pot on the floor and catch Michael by the arm guiding him to a close bench.  
  
“Breath, Michael, breath, do you breath?” They both sat down, with Michael holding his head between his hands, face hidden with Tahani carefully caressing his back. Suddenly, she stopped and stilled herself, standing up to be in front of Michael who looked at her with –false- concern. “I can’t stand one more minute of this! That’s it! I’ll help you with this dilemma!”  
  
“What do you mean…?”  
  
“Well… I actually happen to have some free time, and you seem to be going through some difficulties, so the least I can do is cheer you up!”  
  
“Cheer me up…?”  
  
“Well, yes. What about a-“  
  
“I’m sorry, Tahani, I do not have time for a party right now. I have to find out what is wrong with this neighborhood.” The woman was taken aback, that was clearly what she was about to say, but quickly re-phrased.  
  
“I am not just good at parties, Michael.” He narrowed his eyes with disbelief. “I was about to offer you some tea, so we could… discuss…” she had no idea what she was talking about. “…the possible reasons for this… problem?” Her eyes all around the place, unsure of her own words.  
  
“You mean… like an assistant?” She cringed so hard, he thought her teeth were about to break like glass and cut her tongue. Fantastic.  
  
“Would that be helpful?”  
  
“Yes!” he felt role playing this same scene four hundred times, technically because he had. “Having a human mind helping me understand these strange events would be really helpful! Oh, Tahani…. You have no idea how much this means to me.”  
  
“That’s great! Then… shall we begin?” he wondered if the human could tell the difference between his normal grateful grin and his actual mischievous one.  
  
\---  
  
It was already late, or that is what Tahani thought while looking outside the gigantic windows that decorated her living room. She and Michael were having so much fun she hadn’t even noticed it was way past time for her Korean skin beauty routine. They had started by talking about the incidents in the neighborhood which somehow had leaded to Tahani telling the story of how she met the former president Barack Obama (while being president), when she rescued him from his own bodyguard’s daughter.  
  
One story led to another, and it was a mystery how they ended up talking about Michael’s bowties.  
  
“I’m sorry, Tahani.” He said, while softly laughing. “I’ve been keeping you awake. Jianyu must be missing you.” He was about to stand up, but was caught by Tahani’s hand slightly pressed on his arm.  
  
“Not at all.” There was an awkward silence, which Michael actually loved because he could not just feel but see in Tahani’s sixth dimension how conflicted she was. “Michael… Can I tell you something?”  
  
“Anything.” His hands pressed against his own knees, with the posture of a best girlfriend taken from one of those many pajama party movies.  
  
“It’s just… I know Jianyu is perfect for me, I know! I trust this system, I trust… you. But it’s just… I don’t know, I don’t feel like we are going anywhere. I don’t even know where he is. He won’t talk to me, of course, because of his vow of silence, but yet…! I am his soulmate! We must be able to communicate somehow… oh Michael.” The girl’s head fell on his shoulder with grace, her hair smooth and perfectly cascading down. “What should I do?”  
  
“… Tahani, dear.” He’s had this conversation with her one hundred times, so it felt only natural to take her hand once again, and pat her tenderly on his own. “Sometimes it takes months for soulmates to ‘click’ you have to remain patient… keep trying. I can assure you, you and Jianyu are meant to be together.”  
  
“Yes, but… everyone makes it look so easy. Lorenzo and Scarleth, Anna and Mary, you and Eleanor…” he had to be quick, he wasn’t expecting it to go in that direction at that moment. Just in the perfect timing, he pretended to choke on his own saliva (though it was literally impossible for him).  
  
“Oh that…“  
  
“She adores you, and I wish Jianyu would look at me the same way you look at her.”  
  
“That is not…”  
  
“You two are so lucky.”  
  
“Tahani.” He couldn’t take it any longer, the girl was delusional, just where did she get such an idea? “It is…things are not the way you think.” She re-incorporated, gazing up to see Michael with doe and glassy eyes. “Eleanor and I…”  
  
“Oh no, are you two having problems, too? But that is-!”  
  
“I wouldn’t say so… but let’s not talk about this. You shouldn’t be worrying about my problems; it is already enough you are trying to help me find the reason for the disasters.”  
  
“Have I, though? I haven’t helped you in anything! I’ve just kept telling you stories about my life and… tell me, Michael, what is wrong? If I fixed Madonna’s marriage then I can fix yours!” Michael frowned in confusion for many reason.  
  
“It’s just… Well, you see, she is a human and an incredible one at that if I must say. And I must, because that is just how incredible she is.” Michael felt extremely uneasy, not because of the lies being displayed, but because of Tahani’s growing smile… just what was wrong with her? She was supposed to feel terrible! Bad! Because even Eleanor, the drunken girl who ruined her welcome party had someone deeply in love with her while she was stuck with an emotionless and mute rock. “But I… I am no human, Tahani, and I can’t even do my job! Look at me! Look at my neighborhood! Crumbling to pieces… just like my relationship.”  
  
“No!” Michael was actually scared by Tahani’s sudden movement at sitting on her left leg and pointing at him, way closer than expected. “I, Tahani Al-Jamil, am not allowing you to talk to yourself like that! You are an amazing immortal being! I don’t care how many kids, puppies, or pregnant women Eleanor saved while alive she is not better than you, the all mighty angel who created this wonderful place!”  
  
“You don’t understand, I don’t-“  
  
“Don’t what?!”  
  
“Let’s just chill for a minute… Would that be okay?” he grabbed Tahani’s hand with the delicacy of someone grabbing a tiny donut, trying to calm her down, which actually worked. The woman realized she had suddenly gotten too worked up. “I don’t have human emotions per se, Tahani, and I fear for that.”  
  
“Fear is a human emotion, Michael! You are doing great, you see?” he grinned, honestly this time. The woman was adorably stupid, she was trying so desperately to cheer him up, the man who not just was in perfect condition, but who also was the one guilty of all of her misery.  
  
“… I should get going.”  
  
“… I am sorry.”  
  
“You don’t need to be, none of this is your fault.” He stood up, followed by Tahani, who kept him company to the door. “Thank you, Tahani.” She smiled but her eyes were stuck on the floor. She felt stupid and useless. The feeling was even more overwhelming here than on Earth, because at least on Earth she had her sister to blame for all of her failures, but here…? She just wasn’t good enough to get Jianyu’s attention or soothe Michael.  
  
“Say good night to Eleanor, I am really looking forward to get to know her better.”  
  
“That makes two of us.” There it was her disgusting honest smile once again. He knew it was repulsive, but wasn’t sure why; maybe because it showed how much of a romantic she was, or maybe because it was proof that she actually cared for his ‘feelings’. Ugh. Time for a bummer. “I’ll be sure to tell her when I see her. Maybe tomorrow morning.”  
  
He took his time to appreciate the slight motions of facial expressions in Tahani’s face. She tried to not show much, in order to avoid wrinkles.  
  
“Pardon me, did you say tomorrow morning? Aren’t you seeing her… now?”  
  
“Well, no. It is already late, time for humans to sleep, so I’ll be heading back to-“ he stopped a minute, giving her time to think over and over in her head ‘do not say office, do not say office’. He just knew her so well. All of them. “my office.”  
  
“But Michael, aren’t you… well, you know, aren’t soulmates supposed to live together? I thought you and Eleanor lived in this adorable cottage right next to mine. If I had known-“ The man raised his hand, not intending for her to continue her pity party, at least not with him in the picture.  
  
“It’s not a problem for me, Tahani. I don’t sleep.”  
  
“But yet, spending your night at your office… alone, well, I guess you are a successful and powerful man, so it only makes the more sense but…” He shook his head, though willing to listen some more about her positive opinion. “… Wouldn’t you stay with me tonight?”  
  
This was nothing new. He had been blindfolded the first time it happened in reboot number one hundred and eleven, with Tahani asking him to stay because she was scared Eleanor would try and steal her gold supplies, which of course she had already done. He had been slightly baffled and taken aback when she asked him to stay in a purr, one hand tangled in his hair and the other one traveling down his chest, with her breath heavy on cheap wine… He had refused all previous times, all eight of them, he had even counted them. Just as he had counted the times Eleanor had offered the same, Chidi and even Jason, always Jason, never Jianyu; Always for different reasons and under varied circumstances. But this time…? This time it was different, this time he saw potential.  
  
“Oh, Tahani…”  
  
“In one of my many bedrooms, I mean. There are about one hundred different rooms; you could even choose a themed one!”  
  
“Of course…” His always permanent smile became shy and he actually nodded. “It is late, indeed.”  
  
“Hurra!” She was quick to lock her arm in his and walked him up the stairs. “You are gonna love them! Do you have any particular interests? Gold? Marble? Silver? Mirrors? Oh! What am I saying? You designed this place! Of course you know all of the rooms… so, which one will it be?” Michael was unsure what he got himself into, patting himself on the back for turning her down all of the previous time, definitely wise decisions…second thoughts about this one were climbing up together with Tahani’s tone of excitement.  
  
\---  
  
The sheets were already a mess because of how many times Eleanor had rolled over her bed. Stupid Chidi, he’s got to her head. So what if Michael wanted to not-sleep in his office? So what if he didn’t want to share her house? She was actually happy for him because at least he didn’t have to deal with all of the freaky clowns and the uncomfortable furniture! Ugh, he was so damn tall he surely could use the height of her room as a regular stair.  
  
“Stupid Chidi.” She blew through her teeth. Michael was just fine, probably. He didn’t need a bed or a blanket or a pillow. Or her. “Stupid Michael”. She rolled once more and stared to her own ceiling, it was no surprise to find even there a picture of a clown… just what was wrong with ‘real Eleanor’? She couldn’t take it any longer… she had to at least check out if Michael was okay; they hadn’t talked since that awkward one-sided conversation on the street. She had actually waited for him to go visit her, so maybe she could read his mood and find out if he suspected anything, but no… it’s almost as he’s been avoiding her. Was he mad? Roll. Was he angry? Roll again. Was he… disappointed? She jolted on her bed, sitting right away. Everybody knew that was way worse than being mad.  
  
“Fine!” Eleanor left her bed, her house, and marched all her way to Michael’s office because this in her heart was completely new, an unfamiliar feeling which she hated and she had to do something about it, anything. Find Michael, talk to him, lash out if necessary, fork him if possible, no, wait, that was not it. Lash out if possible! And fork him if necessary.  
  
“Michael?” Her knocking even if soft at the beginning, seemed to have no impact as the door never opened. So she only could do one thing: thump and knock harder till it was even possible for her ex-boyfriends –and ex-girlfriends- to listen her on Earth. It didn’t work, and now she was completely worked up and frustrated.  
  
“Janet!”  
  
“Hi, there.”  
  
“Is Michael in his office?” It took one second for Janet to answer, not because she didn’t know the answer, of course, but because the privacy policy was unclear when it came to unclosing the location of the residents.  
  
“No, he is not.” She finally answered; there was no legal impediment for her to tell.  
  
“Then… where is he?”  
  
“May I ask first why would you like to know?” First Janet would have definitely spit out the truth in one blink, but this Janet had already learned how to be curious.  
  
“Well, because… because he is my soulmate!”  
  
“Oh. So, would you say being soulmates is reason enough to demand the whereabouts of the significant other?”  
  
“Well… yes.” Eleanor stopped, a quick flashback of how psycho she’d been with a couple boyfriends back on Earth made her have second thoughts… What if Michael tried this with her later? “As long as that person is Michael. I need him, for… reasons.”  
  
“Is it somehow related to his position as the Architect?”  
  
“… Yes? Yes, that is it! I need him because of… issues with the neighborhood.”  
  
“That being the case, perhaps I could help you. Tell me, Eleanor, what can I do for you?”  
  
“You could tell me where Michael is for starters… Wait a minute, you are acting weird.” She surrounded Janet, circling her around, looking up and down, something off… she was delaying the answer too much. “Are you hiding something?”  
  
“I literally can’t hide information, unless it is related to the Bad Place, which is not.”  
  
“Then, what’s up with all the mystery? Is Michael doing something weird? Something bad? Uh! Is he cheating on me? You could totally tell me if he was cheating on me, I wouldn’t get mad.”  
  
“I am not covering up for Michael. He is at Tahani’s house. I just failed to see why you would need that information at this very moment.”  
  
Eleanor had been honest the previous time when she had stated not to be jealous in case Michael was cheating on her, of course she believed that to be impossible as well… but Tahani? That was a game changer, at least for her. She could totally handle Michael cheating on her with any other person in that neighborhood, literally anyone, because she knew for sure that anyone else deserved him more than herself, anyone… but Tahani. She had everything, the house, the attending monk, the hair, the legs, and now she had Michael.  
  
“Oh…” Her eyebrows high, making an effort to pretend she was perfectly fine, and not just for Janet, but for herself. “So Michael is at Tahani’s house… and do you know what he’s doing? I mean- Is that a thing you know?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Oh, I understand.” She felt somehow relieved, unsure if she was actually prepared to see what Tahani could offer Michael that his real soulmate couldn’t. Though she was positive the list was long.  
  
“But I could go over there and ask him.”  
  
“What? No, you can’t simply get there and ask him… but, what if you go and listen what he is doing from far away? Maybe watch him? Do you have rogue mode or something?”  
  
“Do you want me to spy on Michael?”  
  
“No! Of course not… Nobody here said anything about spying. Yes? Okay, maybe a little bit, can you spy on him a little bit?” Her right hand making a tiny expression with her index finger and thumb. “Just a tiny bit.”  
  
“I… I am not sure.” This was the second time in a row that Eleanor got Janet in a moral dilemma that her privacy policy didn’t specify. Was she allowed to do so? “Eleanor… I don’t know.”  
  
At that very moment, all the walls started to glitch in synchrony with Janet, the whole place trembling.  
  
“Janet? What is that? What is happening?” Eleanor made her best to try and stay standing.  
  
“I don’t know.” Janet’s face went red with her complete body disappearing and rearranging in different colors. Then, as soon as it started, everything went back to normal. “I have good news and bad news, the good news? I can see what Michael is doing. The bad news? It seems to have corrupted my files.” Her expression as beaming and happy as usual.  
  
“What-the-motherforking…” With the exception of all the walls being covered by hundreds of eyes. She’d done it again, Eleanor Shellstrop broke reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I hope there are still some people interesting in the story around here. It's been sometime since I watched The Good Place so I'll have to re-watch it in order to rememeber the characters.


	10. Hell on Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to see that there are still some people in this fandom. Thank you for the kudos and the support.

Eleanor just couldn’t believe her luck. This was definitely her fault, up till now there was this small voice in her head telling her that maybe not everything was because of her, that she wasn’t ‘that important’ as to collapse the complete reality of the universe, but this…? This was definitely her fault.  
  
And even so, she had to know, because her priorities were in the right place, with her being first.  
  
“So, you can see Michael!” Her hands up, trying to keep Janet with her.  
  
“Yes.” The not-a-girl answered.  
  
“And he’s still at Tahani’s.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“So, what are they doing?” Her hand now caressing each other nervously, but with a big smile, expressing Janet that everything was okay as long as she answered her.  
  
“Well, Tahani is running down the stairs looking for Jianyu, and Michael is…”  
  
“Michael is…?”  
  
“Calling me, bye!” This said, Janet offered Eleanor one more smile and disappeared from the room.  
  
“No, no, no, Janet, wait, wait! Don’t tell him- Uuugh!” Her hands closed in fists out of frustration, if Janet happened to mention Michael she caused a bunch of eyes to materialize on the walls, she was most definitely screwed.  
  
\---  
  
Michael had finally decided to stay in one of the most classical rooms at Tahani’s. His attention on the screen he’d displayed not minding this was not his usual office, it was worth the effort, after this it’d only take a couple days for Tahani to casually mention Eleanor how Michael had spent the night at her mansion and then everything would go terribly wrong. However, tonight was not really about Eleanor, but about this tv show ‘Modern Family’, he’d watch sitcoms from time to time in order to comprehend better the human emotions and reasoning, and so he’d considered this show in particular almost a documentary.  
  
He was going through the second season when all of a sudden the whole place started to tremble. He was quick to close the screen while looking for the source of this apparent ‘natural disaster’, though it didn’t take him much effort… Eleanor. Just how? All of her disasters were planned by him, created by him, the world was not supposed to collapse by itself, or to simply explode out of the woman’s terrible decisions, he had to ignite them with a shake of his hand. Just when he was about to run out in –not so false- panic he noticed by the corner of his eyes… the wall.  
  
The right wall was covered by one huge eye, while the others by a bunch of smaller ones.  
  
Just what the fork?  
  
He ran a nervous hand through his hair and took a deep breath before calling “Janet”. The woman appeared in front of him, looking as fresh as ever.  
  
“Hi there!”  
  
“Janet, by any means, do you know what happened?” He asked, while raising both hands and slightly turning both sides, referring to the numerous eyes present on the walls.  
  
“Yes, Michael, I do know what happened.”  
  
“Great! Those are good news.” He smiled with relief, he had started to worry, good thing he had Janet on his side. “So, tell me, what happened?”  
  
“The walls of the neighborhood have been covered with eyes.” His smile vanished immediately and he rolled his eyes, regretting his high expectations on Janet.  
  
“I can see that, I was actually asking if you know why it happened or how to fix it.”  
  
“Oh, in that case, no, I don’t know any of those things.” The ever present smile on her face was starting to disgust him.  
  
“Janet, this is bad… we can’t have gruesome eyes staring at everybody in The Good Place, you do understand that, right?”  
  
“Yes, I do.”  
  
“Then… any ideas?”  
  
“I think it is related to Eleanor’s request. She asked me for something and this is what happened when I tried it.” Now, instead of a smile, she was beaming with complete delight, like this was some exciting new experience. Janet’s words didn’t take him by surprise; of course he knew this had to be related to Eleanor, but how? And why?  
  
“A request? Mind telling me exactly what Eleanor asked from you?”  
  
“That information is classified and can’t be disclosed even for the architect.” Oh, great, that stupid search history policy. He rolled his eyes and then covered them with both hands. This was going to take some real effort. For the first time in all of the iterations he had to actually look for the cause of the break downs, and not simply pretend to. At least he had a clue.  
  
“Could you at least tell me where she is?”  
  
Minutes later he was running downstairs, how was it possible? The one night he didn’t spend it at his office and everything collapsed right at his door, the worst part was that he couldn’t fix this by simply erasing everyone’s memory, because it was apparently a malfunction by Janet and that was terrifying, he was no technician at all.  
  
Just when he managed to get out of Tahani’s mansion, the woman herself bumped into him, clearly scared to death –or afterlife-.  
  
“Michael! What is happening? Everything is covered by these hideous eyes, staring at me, is this yet another one of-“ But he didn’t have time for this, he had to find Eleanor and fix this as soon as possible, before anyone else could start asking questions.  
“I’m sorry, Tahani, I have to go find Eleanor. Just… stay outside, it seems to have the less eyes.” Then, he left running towards his place, the tall woman watched him run away dumb folded but touched at the same time. Michael was desperately looking for his soulmate, surely worried for her wellbeing during this catastrophe, looking to protect her, while Jianyu was nowhere to be seen.  
  
It took Michael only about five minutes to get to his office, there, sitting carelessly on the sofa while casually playing with her fingers was Eleanor Shellstrop, the reason for all of his suffering. He stopped there, at the entrance of the waiting room, and it took him one millisecond to switch from his ‘killing’ mode to a ‘fake-worried’ one, panting for air.  
  
“E-“ pant “Eleanor?” Only then the woman noticed his presence and immediately stood up, with a smile, trying to sooth him. She didn’t know how much Janet told him about the incident and so she didn’t know how hard to defend herself, trying too bad could prove counterproductive.  
  
“Michael! Are you- are you alright? Did you run all the way here?”  
  
“Yes!” he took a deep breath and re-incorporated, trying to adjust his suit a bit out of place. “I was- I was worried, I didn’t find you at your place, so I asked Janet, she told me you were here.”  
  
“Oh…” The smile in her face disappeared, he was worried for her, and he’d gone as far as to go looking for her –not really- to her house, and then running all over the small town. He studied her face, it screamed guilty in every feature, and now it didn’t just show her culpability, but also how truly sorry she felt. “You were looking for me?”  
  
“Well… yes, I mean.” He finally seemed to have his –false- breathing in order. “I am worried for the whole neighborhood, but…” He cleared his throat, and twitched his hands in –fake- embarrassment. “I take this scenario might be worrying for a human, and… I figured out the others would, well… have each other, unlike you.” Eleanor opened her mouth and then closed it again. He was right; Vicky was surely trying to keep Chidi calm, just like all the other soulmates, excepting her.  
  
“Ah, that! Yes, I mean! Don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl.” He smiled softly and nodded in acknowledgement of her words. “I was actually worried for you, and you told me to find you here if I ever needed you at night.” Her eyes drifted to his office door. “But I couldn’t find you, so… where were you?” Her smile present again, though this one was clearly fake, Michael didn’t need a fourth dimension to notice, she was tense and expectant. His eyes drifted quickly through her body language, she could fool anyone but not him, and she was ready to kick depending on his answer.  
  
“Oh I was at Tahani’s.” he dropped in the most casual way he could manage, with his eyes staring at her clenched jaw. “She offered me to stay, so…” Eleanor gulped and he congratulated his past self for his decision, the woman was clearly uncomfortable, jealous, hurt, her cheerful façade dropped for an instant only to be immediately restored. Whatever she was going to say could seriously get him cornered or complicate things more, so he decided for the most convenient move for him; to interrupt her so he could enjoy the palpable discomfort of her sixth dimension for longer. “Anyways! I have to apologize.”  
  
“Oh no, it’s okay, Tahani invited you, I’d-“  
  
“About the walls covered in eyes.” He didn’t just see it this time, he even felt it, her heart bumping and her ears becoming slightly redder, maybe because of anger or because of something else, but whatever it was, it was delicious. “I- I don’t know what happened, I was just- well, non-important.” It was the third strike, Eleanor’s composure crumbling with every word. “When suddenly everything was covered in eyes… fascinating.”  
  
“Yeah… about Tahani-“  
  
“Oh, she’s alright, strong woman she is, no need to worry about her.” He caressed Eleanor’s arm slightly and caught her just when she whispered ‘yeah, right’ through her teeth. “Well… now that I found you and you look in perfect conditions, I think it is time for me to work in this disaster, if you’ll excuse me.” He left her arm and moved away, striding to his office.  
  
“Hey, Michael.”  
  
“Yes, Eleanor?”  
  
She meant to tell him something, anything that would keep him away from his job, from finding out about her, but she couldn’t keep her thoughts away Tahani, and how Michael had rushed to her, it was a complicated and overwhelming variety of feelings all mixed together into a complete bummer.  
  
“Just… see you later?”  
  
“Sure, I’d like that.” He smiled and nodded completely into-Good-Michael-character-mode and Eleanor smiled back at him in her best attempt at acting natural, though this time it proved harder than ever before.  
  
\---  
  
Michael was almost positive that Eleanor had asked something that required eyes, he just didn’t know exactly what and Janet would not say a word about it.  
  
“Janet, could you at least try to get rid of them?”  
  
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”  
  
“Uuuugh…” he grunted out of frustration. “Are you broken? Maybe if I reboot you one more time…”  
  
“Eleanor has not taken back her request.”  
  
“Eleanor has not…” he repeated without thinking much, just what on Earth was that woman thinking?! She broke Janet and she showed no intention of fixing it, not even him would do that and he was a demon for Satan’s sake! “What if a different neighbor expressly asked you to take them back?”  
  
“I may be able to, I wouldn’t know for sure till it happens.” He threw his head onto his hands and rested both on the surface of his desk. “May I comment something, Michael?”  
  
“What?” his head still buried between his hands.  
  
“I just love this new perspective.” Her voice slightly merrier than usual.  
  
“This new…? What do you mean?” His eyes finally looked for hers with attention.  
  
“This.” She raised her hands, indicating the hundreds of eyes moving around the office. “I can see everything.”  
  
“… Wait a minute… Are these your eyes?”  
  
“Yes!” She was definitely extremely happy about it.  
  
“Oh for Satan…” Now everything made a little more sense.  
  
\---  
  
Eleanor was pacing around her place, unsure of what to do, trying to untangle the feelings that started to torment her. She was sure she was mad, but couldn’t tell if it was at Tahani for inviting Michael, thought that didn’t make much sense or at Michael for staying, making even less sense. Then, there was this guiltiness because of the multiple eyes around the room, she kinda wanted to take them back, but couldn’t bring herself to it just yet. If this was Earth and she wasn’t pretended to be someone else, she had already lashed out at Michael and turned in Tahani to the police for drug trafficking, but everything was different now. Michael was a good man-angel-architect-magical-being-boyfriend, and he had been worried for her, and so she felt also bad for spying –or trying to- on him. And then, finally there was the strongest of the emotions on her; fear. The eyes were still there and she didn’t know how long it’d take Michael to find out it had been her who requested them.  
  
“Eleanor?”  
  
“Aaah!” She had let go of a small yelp when Chidi called her name from the door.  
  
“Sorry, it was open, so I… I’m sorry, I should’ve knocked, I am still a bit unsettled by-“ Eleanor was quick to take Chidi by his hand and pull him into the living room, closing the door behind them.  
  
“I did this.”  
  
“… What?”  
  
“Remember you promised not to tell anyone! but I… did this.” Her hands up, indicating the obvious. “I didn’t mean to, it just… happened.”  
  
“You? But how? Did you particularly request Janet to cover all the walls with millions of eyes?”  
  
“Of course I didn’t!”  
  
“Oh, good, for one moment I thought-“ he breathed with relief, his hand in his chest.  
  
“I asked her to spy on Michael, and it somehow translated into this.” Chidi’s mouth opened and his eyes popped out his face. “Hey! You’re not perfect either.”  
  
“I never caused hell to be unleashed on heaven, Eleanor!”  
  
“Jeez, you don’t have to phrase it like that, it is not that bad.” Even when Chidi was acting as a real moral bummer about it, she felt better by telling him, some weight being lifted from her shoulders.  
  
“Just… why would you ask Janet for that? You do realize that is not something that a good person would ask for, do you?”  
  
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m shocked your girlfriend didn’t ask for it before me!” She wasn’t used to apologies, and so she preferred to share the blame with someone else.  
  
“Don’t get Victoria into this, she hasn’t done anything.” And then, it hit her. Eleanor Shellstrop felt terribly bad for the third time in The Good Place. She was worse than Victoria the Psycho Girlfriend, and that was to say something “Seriously, Eleanor, why would you-“  
  
“He spent the night at Tahani’s.” She mumbled softly, almost inaudibly, completely aware it was not a real justification.  
  
“So…?”  
  
“What do you mean ‘so…’? I just wanted to know what he was doing there.”  
  
“So why don’t you ask him? You didn’t need to spy on him! This is- Alright, let’s calm down.” He took a deep breath. “You were the one who gave me that speech about Victoria being too jealous, now you are telling me that you created one million eyes to spy on Michael simply because he spent one night at Tahani’s, even when he clearly treats that place as a second working area?”  
  
“I… I didn’t think it like that.” Chidi was right, every time Michael visited Tahani’s mansion was to expressly talk about job, like the hall was some extension of his office.  
  
“You didn’t think it at all, did you?”  
  
She wanted to take it out on Chidi, to lash out and scream and fight back, but… he was right. She hadn’t really thought it through, Tahani had yet again, gotten the worse of her.  
  
“… It is just… Uuugh, I hate Tahani, why does he have to spend so much time at her place? Why can’t he- I don’t know- spend it somewhere else? Literally anywhere else.”  
  
“You mean, anywhere else… like here?” His hands indicated the room they were staying. “Have you asked him?”  
  
“Well… No, of course not. He can’t live here, at least not till –you know- I become… good.”  
  
“Better, you mean better.”  
  
“Yeah, better, whatever.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her hands in front of her. “Why do you make me feel like I’m being silly?” her body fell heavily on the couch. “Is this because you are a teacher? Is embarrassing your students and making them feel stupid part of your job?”  
  
“No, Eleanor…” Much to her surprise, he actually smiled at her. “It is because you are jealous, and you’ve already seen what that can make to a person.” He sat next to her, keeping certain distance. “You don’t need to be jealous because of Tahani, or anyone else! You might not be perfect… yes, you don’t belong here, yes, you caused a nightmare to take place on heaven-“  
  
“Twice.”  
  
“Twice. Wait, what do you mean twice?”  
  
“Nevermind, what were you saying about me not being that bad?” She smiled, trying to divert his attention from her numerous disasters.  
  
“No, I feel like what you mentioned is more important.”  
  
“C’mon!”  
  
“Michael adores you.” She let go a huff through her teeth, mocking him.  
  
“Yeah, sure.”  
  
“No, I’m telling you, he does. I mean… he thinks he does, because he thinks you are a different person, but hey! I am here to help you become that person. It will be hard…” he took a second to look around; the room still looked out of a Silent Hill game. “Extremely hard… the hardest task I’ve ever tried to achieve.”  
  
“Hey, man, focus.”  
  
“But it will work. I think, maybe… I was having second thoughts when you mentioned you broke reality, and now with this… honestly, I don’t know.”  
  
Eleanor actually chuckled at his comment.  
  
“Jeez, Chidi, what a motivational speech.”  
  
“Yes, well, I did my best, I’m a having a serious stomachache, so this is as hard as I can try.” It took Eleanor a couple of seconds to finally smile in response.  
  
“Thank you.” Then, when Chidi was about to stand up, she continued. “Hey, hum- I know you came all over here, leaving Victoria alone with my disaster, but… I got something to do, do you think we could, perhaps- continue this later?”  
  
“Yes, yes, of course.” He stood and nodded good bye, approaching the door and turning around just before leaving. “Besides, I think you already learned today’s lesson.”  
  
“I’m a heck of a student, what can I say?”  
  
“Say you will fix this. It really looks out of Dante’s hell.” They both laughed to this and Chidi left, actually shivering because of the surreal scenario. He had tried to be supportive but Eleanor seriously looked as way too much to handle, at least for him.  
  
\---  
  
Janet had look way sadder than Eleanor expected when she had asked her to get rid of all the extra disgusting eyes on the walls. Nothing Eleanor could do about it, she was hoping never to ask for it again. Then, she’d made up her mind and walked all the way up to Michael’s office, hoping she would find him there, but willing to wait for him if necessary.  
  
He opened the door in a quick motion, looking exhausted by content, his hair slightly out of place and working on fixing his bow tie.  
  
“Oh, Eleanor! Come on in.” He allowed the girl to move into the room, while absently minded closing the door behind them. “I’m- uh, I’m sorry for this mess, I was not expecting-“  
  
“It’s alright. Actually… everything looks the same.”  
  
“I always forget you can’t see in nine dimensions.”  
  
“It’s okay; I almost forget you are not human when you even seem to have grown stubble over night.” Her hands deep in her pockets. “So, it looks like you fixed it, uh? The crazy eyes I mean.”  
  
“Oh, that…” He’d moved from the door to his desk, not sitting yet. “Listen, Eleanor…”  
  
“I-“ her voice cracked slightly when speaking, as she hadn’t actually used her voice in a real long time “I’m sorry.”  
  
Michael froze, what did Eleanor Shellstrop just say? No, it wasn’t possible. She couldn’t be confessing to this, not now, just-  
  
“That you had to work overnight to fix it, I mean… this disaster completely out of the blue and with no clear reason for it.” Oh, he breathed again. “You deserve better than that. You know… working extra hours, staying at your office covered in… things from the ninth dimension or whatever, I- I just wanted to say… if you ever feel like –you know- staying somewhere… my house is your house. I mean, literally.”  
  
“Oh, Eleanor I couldn’t-“  
  
“That’s okay, bud, I mean… we are soulmates, we are supposed to live together at some point, and besides, I have this extra room, so you could totally stay there if you feel more comfortable, or… we could watch a movie, I don’t-“ This was hard, she had decided to do so, to finally open up a bit with Michael, but it was so freakin’ hard. She felt like an idiot, like an infatuated girl confessing her love for the first time even when she was only inviting him over.  
  
“I don’t know what to say.”  
  
“It’s alright, you don’t need to say anything, let’s not make this weird, I just wanted to tell you that I’m fine with it, I’m fine… with you staying.” There, it was out. It was finally out, and her chest felt one pound lighter. Her eyes fixed in his, waiting for a response of some kind. Finally, he nodded.  
  
“Thank you, I’d like that sometime.” He stayed there, in his place, actually unsure of how to feel about everything. Eleanor was anxious and shaky, but not in the usual way, her shoulders rigid and her smile tense, her eyes slightly blank, as she was trying to hide a real emotion beneath them, it was not fear, he could tell, and it was not anger, he was sure… whatever it was the woman was going through was definitely not something he’d ever seen in one of his former victims. He wanted to surround her, to analyze her, to tease her and see if this emotion stayed for longer or transitioned into something else, but it’d be way too suspicious if he’d suddenly started to walk around her like a shark would do with a drowning victim.  
  
She was uncomfortable, that much he knew, at some point he’d thought it was uncertainty, the fear of what was to come, her eyes big as a deer about to be hit by a car, but that expression didn’t last long. Whatever it was caused something in him, a ticklish and capricious sensation somewhere around his chest and stomach, or where those human organs were supposed to be. Maybe the excitement of discovering yet something new about these damn humans of his. Suddenly, Eleanor cleared her throat and broke the eye contact, taking the growing sensation inside him with her.  
  
“I think I better get going, you sure have a lot of things to do, boss.”  
  
“Thank you for coming.”  
  
“No problem, man, I was –you know- In the neighborhood…?” She doubted, completely shocked by her own words, that was some kind of lame wordplay someone like Tahani would use. This with Michael had surely affected her harder than expected.  
He chuckled amused, and so she breathed again, it was lame enough for Michael to actually like it.  
  
“Sure.”


	11. Trying.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Up to some point it may be useful if you have heard or hear for the ocassion the song 'Heart attack' by Demi Lovato.

Eleanor had walked her way home with a strange feeling of content, like an emergency has been successfully averted, not just with the millions of eyes, but with Michael. She felt better about both, because she was positive her past self wouldn’t have gone as far as apologizing, even if partially. She’s learned from her mistake and unlike all the previous ones she had decided to fix this –almost- on her own, with a soft push from Chidi, she’d try to remember to thank him later. She’d totally forget, of course, but the thought has been there and that was something.  
  
The rest of the day went smooth; she considered walking around the park or getting to know the place –not the people- better. Maybe even plan an escape route, depending on her mood. But has finally decided to stay in case Chidi decided to drop by and continue the class from the morning. The book she was supposed to read still on the table, she had the time… but nah, that was it, she still had time.  
  
The afternoon passed by and then there was a knock at her door, she stood up from her sofa almost dragging her feet, and having second thoughts about not having read the oh-so-important book, rolling her eyes already to the scolding that was coming for her. However, much to her surprise she found Tahani and Michael at her door. The presence of both immediately changed her posture, stiffing and adjusting to try and get taller even if by one inch; both of them standing in front of her at the door was certainly a bit intimidating, with them almost reaching the top of the frame.  
  
“Hi, Tahani, Michael, what a… surprise.”  
  
“Eleanor, darling!” Tahani was quick to speak, “are you busy?” Eleanor’s eyes drifted to Michael, hoping he could give her some heads up on what was happening, was this some kind of intervention? Finally she moved out the way, inviting them in.  
“No, not really I was just… taking care of my plants.” She had no idea what good people used to do, so she improvised and hoped for the best.  
  
Now that everyone was inside, Eleanor stayed close to the door, so she could run from Michael if she had been caught or from Tahani if she started talking about her perfect life once again.  
  
“We are sorry to bother you, Eleanor, but you see…” Michael seemed slightly out of place, keeping his interactions short, unsure if he had to be there at all.  
  
“What is it?” She had started to panic, maybe they had noticed something.  
  
“Oh no, no, don’t worry, dear, nothing bad has happened. It is just… Michael asked me if I would serve as his assistant,” Eleanor meant to smile wide while saying ‘oh, that’s cool, very cool, cool, cool.’ but was stopped in time by Tahani “but I’d quite like to focus on my relationship with Jianyiu. Soooo…” Out with it, girl! This is not the Oscars! “I recommended you for the job!” The tall woman giggled, proud of her choice, about to break her right arm for patting herself on the back.  
  
Eleanor’s jaw fell while trying to process the information. Her attention was quickly re-directed to Michael who had approached her with one hand in his pocket.  
  
“Eleanor, you and I could work side-by-side to figure out what’s wrong with this neighborhood.” Unsure how, her head had started to shake in denial, she stopped at the realization of this. “Will you help me?” Eleanor’s eyes moved from Michael to Tahani, smiling in approval, rooting for them to work together, expecting for an answer to clap and celebrate as if Michael was actually asking her to marry him.  
  
“How could I say no?”  
  
“Hurrah!” the tall woman hopped and clapped, beaming with enthusiasm and Eleanor couldn’t feel more of a bummer for thinking in saying ‘no’. She just couldn’t bring herself to turn down those Michael.  
  
Great. Now she had to work to catch herself.  
  
\---  
  
Eleanor felt stupid. It was Michael, not Jason Momoa who was waiting for her to work with, and so she felt silly for ‘not knowing what to wear’, three different outfits in front of her. She had spoken to Chidi about her dilemma the previous evening, and it only took him about half an hour to convince her that helping Michael was the right thing to do because she had compromised to it. It also took him another half an hour to explain why dating his cousin as a sex symbol was not truly helping him. She had finally come to the conclusion that if she was going to spend the rest of the day with Michael she might as well try to score some points with him.  
  
Why? Why has it taken her so long to come out with this plan? She just had to get the man to drool for her, to consider her his personal Goddess so he could not even bear the thought of her being a phony. He seemed pretty gullible and desperate for attention and love, it didn’t look like a difficult job to trick him into loving her, and especially not when you were that hot of a babe.  
  
She just had to hide this from everyone else, especially Chidi, because there was no way in hell –or heaven- he’d approve of such a plan. But, whatever, it was a fork or die – and be tortured- situation.  
  
She’d finally decided for a shirt that was tight in all the right places so her body looked curvy enough while still covering the important, Michael looked like he could get intimidated by anything riskier. Her usual jeans, make up and high heels did bring it all together. Finally, she had decided that if Michael was gonna walk around the place looking like a dandy all day long the least she could do was to wear some perfume.  
  
Standing in front of Michael’s office she felt confident in her plan, she just had to bat her eyelashes, flirt a little, hook him up, get him to adore her and then, in the process, distract him from every possible clue he could have about her mischief.  
  
“Michael?” She ventured to open door without knocking and found the man analyzing a map of the town covered in so many colorful threats that it had become intelligible, at least for her.  
  
“Oh Eleanor! Thanks for coming in, I didn’t see you there.”  
  
She had meant to appear swaying her hips like she was born in high heels or something but seeing Michael so wrecked got her off guard.  
  
“Are you okay, buddy? You seem kind of stressed.” Eleanor was impressed by how Michael grew stubble for the second time in two days, was he doing that on purpose? Somehow magically creating it on his face? No, that was ridiculous.  
  
He had tried to convince her that he was okay, while mumbling something about nine dimensions and the TV show Friends. But her attention wasn’t exactly with him; Seeing Michael with his hair undone and his bowtie untied was evidence of how bad she had screwed. While he continued to talk her mind tracked back memories of her ex boyfriends, some of them successful at first, but it didn’t take long for her to lower her to her level. What if that was happening to Michael? What if she was doomed to ruin every potential partner she had? Turning them into failed excuses of men, just like her father.  
  
“Eleanor?” His voice brought her back and she shook her head trying to focus on the present.  
  
“Sorry, I was just… appreciating your office. What are those?” She stood up and pointed to the different objects displayed in a glass box as they belonged to a museum.  
  
“Well, technically architects aren’t allowed to own any human objects, but… oh, I just love them so much.”  
  
He was adorable. He was collecting junk because he found it interesting when it was only that: junk. She could think of at least thirty objects that were way more entertaining that those he had chosen to keep and smiled while thinking that for the first time in forever she was gonna nail those anniversary gifts; A smirk in her lips while looking at the man play with paper clips…  
  
“Aren’t paper clips the most amazing things in the world?” She had meant to say something like there were other things, or that he even could have a bracelet made out of the stuff he was using clearly wrong as decorative items, but she couldn’t. He was way too happy about them.  
  
“Yeah, sure.” He stopped playing with the ocean of paper clips and turned to face her. ‘Time to work’ he’s said and guided her back to the desk where a pile of rock was displayed all over it.  
  
“Do any of them look defective? Sinister? You know, like they’re taunting you.” His voice dropped one tone and his eyes fixed on hers “Always one step ahead?” There was a pause and Eleanor gulped. “You devious little monsters.”  
  
“Okay.” She said, trying to divert the attention. “You need to chill a little.” She cleared her throat, a bit nervous about the intensity of his look. “You have a very ‘Psycho burnout guy muttering to himself at a library computer’ type of vibe”.  
  
“It’s my responsibility to solve the problem. What else can I do except keep working?” He’s made his move, his eyes open with anticipation. He was really looking forward to this day, yes, he hated Eleanor, but he had to admit that the fun he showed during their break and chilling sessions was real, it had been a long time since he’s gotten so far in the iterations as to enjoy this part and also, he truly needed some rest from the real job that had been fixing the eyes issue.  
  
“You could stop working!” He had to suppress a smirk, he’s nailed it again. “Look, I promised to help you, and honestly the way I can help you is to force you to take a break.”  
  
“And not working…” he tilted his head to the side, not even caring for acting perplexed this time, Eleanor was as desperate as him for some time out of this rat and cat game that she’d buy whatever he was selling. “… will help me work?”  
  
“Yes!” ‘Recharge the old batteries’ he recited in his head, he’d tattooed this conversation in his memory. “We could go on a date.” His mouth opened slightly out of real surprise. That was not part of the script. “You know, if you really wanna work that bad, we could work in our relationship.”  
  
“…” He fell silent; this was not part of the plan. What was that devious woman planning?  
  
“… Or not.” She quickly took her words back, feeling embarrassed and ashamed for even considering the idea. “Forget I said that, it was stu-“  
  
“Okay.” He stood up, carefully collecting his sack. “But let’s keep our eyes peeled for twigs that may have a nefarious agenda.”  
  
She smiled, comforted by the –false- confidence that Michael’s willingness offered.  
  
“Sure, crazy.”  
  
\---  
  
“Could you explain me again the difference between a date and a regular ‘hang out’ activity with friends?” They both were sharing some frozen yoghurt at time square, and he had spoken just when Eleanor intended to ask about the deal with it.  
  
“Oh well…” She couldn’t believe she had to explain the difference of something so simple to an almighty being, especially now that she had realized she didn’t quite get it either. “The difference is the purpose, you see, you hang out with friends because you enjoy their company and because real friends don‘t judge if you make bad decisions like flirting with the bartender so you can get free drinks… not that I’ve ever done that, of course.”  
  
“I understand, so… the purpose of spending time with friends is to develop their trust and complicity for current or future circumstances requiring support.”  
  
“Yes! And then, you date someone you want to –you know- bang.” Her grin full teeth, proud of her accomplishments as a teacher. “You tell them you are going for ice cream and a movie, but you are actually looking for their pants. Depending on it, you may be also looking for their wallet.”  
  
“… Ah.” He slowly left the cup of frozen yoghurt on the table, having lost his –inexistent- appetite. “And… I fall in this second category?”  
  
She suddenly realized her mistake and was quick to throw her own cup on the table, while raising her hands trying to sooth Michael.  
  
“Oh no, no, no! Michael, that is not-“  
  
“I do not have a wallet… but I could ask Janet for one, if that would keep you away from my –well-pants, as you have stated it.” She was completely unsure how Michael from all people had managed to get her flustered.  
  
“No! Man! That is not what I meant, I was just-“ She was trying to find the correct words to excuse herself.  
  
“I’m sorry, Eleanor, I just fail to comprehend what would you want a wallet for in here, there is no concept of money… or is it perhaps some kind of prize? Janet.”  
  
“It is actually some kind of prize.” She remembered her collection of boyfriends wallets, top of her game. “But not for me! Michael, just listen-“  
  
“Hi there!” The not-lady had materialized next to them.  
  
“Could I have a wallet, please?”  
  
“Sure thing.” She offered him a classic leather one, which he took only to immediately hand it over to Eleanor. She accepted it out of instinct, there was no way she could refuse a free wallet neither here nor on Earth.  
  
“Thank you.” Janet left in another pop and so Eleanor finally had time to speak.  
  
“You didn’t let me finish!”  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry, there is more?” He awaited her answer, his eyes narrowed.  
  
“Yes! Those things I said… that is a classic move on Earth, but not for me! It is men who usually go around those… disgusting… completely unmoral things. A date is similar to hangin’ out with friends; you just… get to know your partner better.”  
  
“I don’t understand. Is this a date or are we hanging out as friends?”  
  
“Well, it is… both!” She smiled reassuringly. “Sometimes friends can become lovers, perhaps that is what we should try, you know, spend some time together, get to know each other and then we’ll see what happens. Maybe we become friends, or we start actually feeling something more, or noticing how one of us has actually put some effort into their looks instead of simply grabbing the first piece of cloth that was near to come to the most visited area in the neighborhood.”  
  
“Yes, you are right. I think I understand now. So… We spend some time together, we eat junk food, we ‘have fun’ and then we see how we feel about doing some activities with each other in order to see if it is possible to move on to one of these metaphorical baseball bases you humans are always talking about.”  
  
“Exactly!” She was amazed by how Michael seemed to understand and explain human behavior better than herself sometimes.  
  
“Like a test for feelings.”  
  
“Yeah… talking about those, I have something I’ve been meaning to ask.” Michael noticed how Eleanor’s face switched, turning into a more serious one. For one second he actually considered her to be wearing a human suit because of how it tensed right at the edges.  
  
“… Is it related to sexual intercourse again?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“… Are you sure?”  
  
“Okay, it was.” She rolled her eyes and waved at him, always busted. “But whatever, I have a different question now.”  
  
“What is it?”  
  
“Well… It is just that sometimes you act like this really wise old man who knows everything about everyone.”  
  
“I do.”  
  
“But then you make questions such as ‘what is a date?’, ‘why humans like horror movies if they scare them?’, ‘Why are they kissing if they were just arguing?’ and I can’t help but wonder… do you have feelings? I mean, like we humans do. I’ve seen you smile and get serious but sometimes I feel everything is… false.” He frowned, was it possible his acting skills were in decay? “Like, you don’t really know what to feel and you are actually pretending in order to don’t freak humans out.”  
  
“Oh that…” He had to think in something and fast. “You see, Eleanor… I- I shouldn’t say this to you, but this is actually the first neighborhood that I design… I’ve never got to be so close to real humans before, and… emotions are still a bit difficult for me. I think it’s better if I am honest to you now, since you are –well- supposed to be my soulmate, but… we Architects do have the ability to feel, but we don’t go through the same experiences as humans do, and as a consequence half of the time –if not more- I am not sure what I am supposed to feel around you guys.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
What he meant was that someone spontaneously dying from a heart attack or being hit by a car was considered extremely funny by their kind.  
  
“How should I put this…? Do you like snails?”  
  
“Eugh no, I mean… I guess I don’t really mind.”  
  
“What about food? Would you eat snails?”  
  
“What? No! Dude, that is gross, why would you say that?”  
  
“There are some people, particularly French, who consider escargot to be a delicacy… and some, like you, don’t. If you ask me, yes, snails were not meant to be food, but… humans, they eat everything they can get in a stick.”  
  
“That sounds pretty human when you say it like that.”  
  
“Yes, well, if you were to visit a place full of French escargot enthusiasts and they were all commenting at the same time just how much they love snails in sticks, soup, together with wine… wouldn’t you be out of place if you audibly mentioned how disgusting they are to everyone else in the room?” he did mean it, it was hard pretending to actually like the humans at the beginning, with their stupid sticks on their arms.  
  
Eleanor understood the idea, because she was that escargot hater right now, with everyone else being all good and perfect and her hating everything; good deeds were her escargot. It took her another minute to process how Michael has been going through the same exercise as her all along, pretending to understand the humans emotions in order to mingle, trying his very best to fit in the perfect utopia. They were the same.  
  
“Believe it or not, I do get it. You are learning.”  
  
“Yes, I believe that is one way to say it; I am learning how to feel like a human.”  
  
“Don’t worry; you got the perfect human for the job! And today I am teaching you the most human activities so you can learn how to have proper human fun.” She stood up leaving her cup on the table, caught Michael by the arm and pulled him off the seat.  
  
\---  
  
One of the reasons for this day to be one of Michael’s favorites was –besides of avoiding most of the humans- that Eleanor always seemed to do something slightly different. It was not always bowling or karaoke; sometimes it was arcades, dancing in one of those quirky colorful machines or even that one time which she adventured to take him to an improvised roller coaster. Sometimes they did the same things, but in different order or with different interactions, Michael had gotten from that ugly yellow toddler to a strange looking purple dinosaur which he both, hated and loved at the same time. So, he was really looking forward to her ideas of fun, especially now that there was a major difference in her ‘purpose’.  
  
They had gone to an arcade, Eleanor has insisted on playing something called ‘Street Fighter’, she had tried to teach him how to play, but when it was the real deal she had simply started pressing all the buttons at the same time.  
  
“Is that allowed?” She smiled because he was –supposedly-so gullible.  
  
“It is a different strategy; consider it a human tradition.”  
  
“Say no more. I got it, I got.” He had started to emulate her movements by randomly hitting the machine.  
  
“Hey, that’s not fair! Your hands are way bigger than mine!”  
  
“Oh… should I use only one hand then?”  
  
“… Yes. Those are the rules, if you can hold a baby with one hand only, then you can’t use both to play on the arcade.” Of course he knew she was deceiving him, but honestly smiled in response, completely charmed by the way she didn’t even flinch to say such a morbid lie.  
  
“I’ve never held a baby.”  
  
“Let’s hope you never do, bud.” She ignored him and continued playing without any warning.  
  
He added one more reason to enjoy this day to his list, her selfishness so enticing.  
  
\---  
  
She had then taken him to the movies, she’s asked Janet for some shrimp flavored pop corn and chosen the seats for both of them, not asking Michael his opinion neither on the snacks nor the movie they were about to watch. Of course Michael knew this.  
  
She’d gone for a movie called ‘My Super Ex Girlfriend’, and even for Michael this was a weird choice… Was she threatening to physically harm him if he dared break up with her or was this an honest exercise about human emotions?  
  
“I’m sorry. I am aware that speaking during a movie is a minus 15 points, but… Why exactly did she destroy his car? I mean… is that something allowed?”  
  
“Well, yes, I mean… she is hurt because he broke up with her, the least he could expect is to get his car destroyed by falling from the sky.”  
  
“… Does he, though?”  
  
“This is an empathy exercise, Michael, what if you were this almighty being and then the love of your life suddenly told you ‘let’s take some time’?” She mocked. Michael tilted his head and narrowed his eyes at her. Unsure if she had truly heard what she said.  
  
“Should I get you a car?”  
  
“Don’t you dare, Michael!” She pointed a finger at him, infuriated. “This is paradise; you don’t get to destroy my house, my car or my self-esteem no matter what!”  
  
“… I guess you are right.”  
  
“Here yeah I am!” She crossed her arms, a bit annoyed with her eyes piercing the screen and a weird sensation in her chest, like she had ruined a perfect moment.  
  
“Besides… you wouldn’t break up with me.”  
  
“Oh yeah? Why so sure?”  
  
“I’m the boss.” He softly nudged her arm, still crossed against her chest and smiled with his cheekiest smile. After a few seconds of uncertainty, Eleanor barked with laughter.  
  
“Yeah, I guess you are.” It was relieving, for one moment she had actually feared she would have to end the relationship because of the unsettling feeling, completely closed to the idea of apologizing or explaining herself, but then… it had been Michael who had lightened it up, with a simple joke, their relationship went back to the cozy feeling from before. She then ventured to accommodate against Michael’s arm and remained in silence the rest of the movie.  
  
For the time the movie finished they had gotten out laughing and discussing what part of the movie was the worst. Eleanor was amazed by how Michael being so good, was also capable of bad mouthing a movie and wondered if he was actually mimicking her in order to fit once again. It had to be exhausting to lie and pretend even with your soulmate. She knew that too well.  
  
“I think it is customary for male humans to escort their partner homes at night, shall we?”  
  
“Come on! It is not that late! We still have some time.” She couldn’t remember the last time she had actually wanted to spend more time with someone out of true interest in their company and not their money.  
  
“Oh, I don’t know… you humans are so fragile.”  
  
“Hey!” She snapped at him, and he flinched a little –with hidden delight- Eleanor was wild and impulsive, she had literally tried to bite him a couple times. “I don’t know other humans, but me? I’m pretty fine! Besides, we’ve not even drunk anything yet!”  
  
“Well… If you insist.” He smiled, honestly, from all the previous iterations this was the first time Eleanor had repeatedly asked for him to stay.  
  
“I do! Time for karaoke, babe!” she caught his hand and walked her way down the street. It only took her a couple steps to realize she was still holding Michael’s hand while noticing at the same time how he made an effort to slow down so she could keep his pace.  
  
“Ah, sorry, dude.” She let go, suddenly embarrassed for it. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt like this about a boy –or immortal being for such a matter- most of the time she would do whatever she wanted around the boys she liked and would expect them to deal with it, but with Michael it felt different… he was way better than her, and so, she went through the real empathy exercise of respecting his boundaries, because he deserved it, that was the least she could do, and maybe he didn’t want her to hold his hand. Overanalyzing such an innocent act made her chuckle out loud.  
  
“What is it? Is my human suit sweating again?” he held up his hand, trying to figure out the reason for Eleanor’s apology followed by her laughter.  
  
“No, man! That is not it! And don’t go around licking it! We humans don’t do that, we simply ignore the sweating and we clean it in our pants when nobody is looking.”  
  
“But then the sweat would be in my pants.” She smiled once again; Michael’s cluelessness could be strangely charming sometimes.  
  
\---  
  
Up to all the previous tries he had gone with different songs for karaoke; Ariana Grande, Rihanna, Bon Jovi, Journey, Queen, all of them had worked just fine… but he had something especial prepared for today.  
  
“Alright, so… what are we singing?”  
  
“I am not completely used to this human way of entertaining so I just asked Janet for the most popular song for karaoke right now on Earth.”  
  
“Oh that sounds like fun! I like the mystery. Ready when you are, boss.” She was holding her microphone while looking at the screen. Much to her surprise a song by Demi Lovato appeared on it. “Weird, thought that century was over… whatever, let’s do this.”  
  
_‘Putting my defenses up, cause I don’t wanna fall in love.’  
_  
“Hey, I know this song!”  
  
“Oh, do you, really?” He smiled while pretending to be out of rhythm, he had heard the song just a couple times, so it was really not that hard. Eleanor started to sing with him a second after, completely empowered and confident on her singing skills.  
  
_‘If I ever did that, I think I’d have a heart attack’.  
_  
His eyes darted at her from the corner of his, wondering if she would actually notice.  
  
_‘Never put my love out on the line, never said yes to the right guy.’  
_  
For this verse her brows were slightly higher than before, like the back of her brain had caught a glimpse of something important in the lyrics.  
  
_‘Never had trouble getting what I want, but when it comes to you I’m never good enough.’  
_  
Her voice lowered significantly by the last words, her face looking for his while he continued to ‘ignore’ her, eyes fixed on the screen.  
  
_‘When I don’t care, I can play them like a ken doll.’  
_  
Her eyes went back to the screen and made an effort to continue singing just as energetic as before, shaking off the stink that had overwhelmed her by the previous verse.  
  
_‘Won’t wash my hair, then make ‘em bounce like a basketball.’  
_  
Unconsciously, she raised one of her hands to her recently washed and well brushed hair, while reciting the lyrics out of habit.  
  
_‘But you make me wanna act like a girl, paint my nails and wear high heels.’  
_  
Her lower lip trembled slightly, her brain doing the math, remembering how she had spent thirty minutes choosing some forking shoes.  
  
_‘Yes, you make me so nervous that I just can’t hold your hand.’  
_  
She hadn’t said a word of that phrase, her eyes read it, but she was unable to speak. Her attention back to Michael, who continued to sing the lyrics with no worry in the world, like everything was perfect, like she wasn’t going through some mental break down because somehow every part of the song seemed to remind her of some aspect of their relationship.  
  
_‘You make me glow, but I cover up.’  
_  
“Eleanor? Is everything alright?” He had finally noticed she had stopped singing, and so he lowered his own microphone. She shook her head in denial, taking a step back from Michael and trying to keep a clear mind, but everything made sense… she had been feeling vulnerable for some very long time, blaming her death and precarious situation for it, but maybe, just maybe, it was not that.  
  
_‘Won’t let it show, so I’m…’  
_  
“… Are you crying?”  
  
_‘Putting my defenses up, cause I don’t wanna fall in love.”  
_  
Was she crying? She sniffed and realized that she was indeed. Just like that time at the Bed Bath and Beyond store, her emotions accumulating for so long had decided to burst out of nowhere and with the worst timing.  
  
But she was not gonna do this, she was not collapsing, she was not doing this in front of Michael, and more importantly, she was not falling in love. She was the real babe! He was the one who was supposed to be crying over her, not vice versa!  
  
_‘If I ever did that… I think I’d have a heart attack.’  
_  
It was only a matter of seconds, one minute she was crumbling to pieces beyond Michael’s reach, trying to conceal her emotions, and then out of nowhere, she was hanging of his neck with her lips fiercely pressed against his.  
  
Michael was in shock, he absolutely didn’t expect this to happen. He had looked to make her slightly uncomfortable or give her something to think about later, perhaps about how she should maybe give him a real shot at it. But this? This was out of the chart.  
  
_‘Never break a sweat for the other guys. When you come around, I get paralyzed.’  
_  
Her lips had crashed against his at first, completely out of the blue, no warnings, no sweet talking, and after the first impact for which he actually thought Eleanor’s mouth might have suffered some collateral damage she had started to move as caressing his lips with hers.  
  
Time for a time out.  
  
“Eleanor.” He reached for her arms tightly wrapped around his neck and had softly pushed her off, making a real effort not to actually push her to the floor, ‘disgusting, human foodholes are disgusting’. “Eleanor, what is-what is happening?” Please, he actually wanted her to answer with the truth because he had no idea.  
  
_‘And every time I try to be myself, it comes out wrong like a cry for help.’  
_  
‘What is happening’ was he really asking her that?  
  
“Nothing, nothing is happening.” She didn’t bother wiping her own tears, still pretending she was alright. So, he reached for her cheeks, disgusted but willing to try and calm her, she seemed too close to the limit that would alert her of the real nature of the place.  
  
_‘It’s just not fair. Pain’s more trouble than love is worth.’  
_  
“Oh, Eleanor. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Not now, at least. “Is there- I don’t understand, what do I do?” Literally, what was he supposed to do? He had expected her to frown, to get uncomfortable, maybe lash out or do a classic Shellstrop move and avoid her problems with alcohol and leave, anything but start crying and kissing him simply because of a song. She wasn’t even drunk for Satan’s sake!  
  
“You totally ruined the mood.” She hiccupped with a small chuckle and just now made an effort to actually wipe her own tears. “You don’t-you don’t need to worry about me, I was just-“  
  
_‘I gasp for air. It feels so good, but you know it hurts.’  
_  
Now it was her time to be surprised. Michael had lowered enough so she didn’t have to stay in her tip toes to face him, with his hand still cupping her cheek he kissed her in a rough imitation of what she’d done just seconds before. He had never kissed someone, barely researched it, learned some fun facts about it, but never truly practiced it, and so one of his main concerns right now being if Eleanor’s lips were still instant. He then moved back just a bit, enough to look her eyes and make sure her levels of pain were just about back to normal, anything lower than 70% would be enough to keep the idea of this being the Bad Place away.  
  
“… I-I’m sorry, was that okay?”  
  
Eleanor sniffed one more time, her bottom lip trembling and he feared he had actually made it worse.  
  
“I think you ripped my lip, man.” Oh, he messed up. He must have been gentler or plainly knock her out. His mind raced, considering the option of resetting everything at once. “Momma likey.” His eyes narrowed unsure of what she had meant, he’d her that expression from her before, with a different tone, though, and certainly in different scenarios. There was a small smirk, weird looking as her cheeks seemed still wet and she brought him back down with a strong pull of his collar.  
  
Now that her emotions were finally calming down and her confidence was apparently restored, she allowed herself to slow down. Deciding not just her lips but Michael had had enough of her emotions going crazy. Both needed something calm and steady to cling to, and she tried to express so in the rhythm of her kiss.  
  
It was wet, Michael said to himself, keeping a mental record of the experience. Not as much juice as he had expected, actually, but it was wet, maybe because of her tears. Much to his surprise after the first shock that gave his human suit goosebumps the rest of it wasn’t so bad, against all odds he actually enjoyed the warm feeling of her breath and the ticklishness around his face where Eleanor’s hair went in contact. It made him feel something, which made him both excited and uncomfortable, because humans had so many emotions… and this one was one of those he had never felt before, the unknown was not something he was comfortable with, and so he despised not having a name for it.  
  
A shock traveled his spine when Eleanor moved one of her hands from his collar down his chest, while the other one held him in place, grabbing him softly by the hair. He gasped out of surprise for the way his human suit seemed to react and Eleanor didn’t leave the chance go to waste and slipped her tongue. Oh, there was the juice.  
  
He didn’t have much time to get used to the feeling, though, because the woman moved away, taking a deep breath.  
  
“Perhaps we should…” ‘stop’ he though, that was the most logical thing to do, none of this was planned and he had to re-structure everything, cancel course T-32 and move to route T-39, so many things to do because Eleanor had decided to have an emotional break-down out of nowhere. “… go somewhere else? You know, somewhere less… public.” Her eyes circled the room, it was empty, yes, but there were three different entrances and any other neighbor could walk in if they ever felt like singing –nor like they would, of course, but Eleanor didn’t know that.-  
  
“… Ah.” That is all he seemed able to say, his brain not processing everything at his normal speed –not even Jason speed- the feeling of her lips still present on his.  
  
“A rat ate your tongue?” She raised an eyebrow high with the proudest smirk he’d seen in her, Lucifer, he hated and loved that smirk on her, just like that purple dinosaur he shoved somewhere.  
  
“…” he had to make up his mind, take a decision, it was not hard, he knew exactly what he had to do, but there were so many possibilities for his actions.  
  
“Michael? Bud? Hey, are you good? Did I break you? Oh man! I knew it! Angels are not supposed to fork! And now you are broken, what do I do? Oh yes, Janet, I’ll call Janet, she will know what to do.” She had started to freak out after the complete lack of response from Michael. He looked lost, his eyes lost somewhere around her lips. “Hey Ja-“  
  
“Don’t!”  
  
“…” She shut up on the spot.  
  
“I-I’m just… that was not… angels are not-architects! I mean architects! We don’t, uh-“  
  
“That was your first kiss, eh?” he took his time and then nodded shyly. “that’s alright, I have that effect sometimes. So… how are you feeling?”  
  
“Fine, I’m feeling… fine.” It was weird to say it, but he was actually feeling good about it. He didn’t feel like throwing up, rinsing his mouth or even brushing his teeth. He had survived his first kiss and with a human to top it all.  
  
“Well, yeah… I’m guessing you don’t feel like you know... continuing this at my place now?” it was a genuine question, she was truly offering to go farther, not like that previous time in which she had shamelessly offered herself like a tribute so he would spare the humans’ sort of life and they could all run away to The Good Place or something… just how stupid did all of them think he was?  
  
“Oh, Eleanor…”  
  
“It’s alright, man, I know that ‘oh Eleanor’ it is your ‘I don’t understand humans, give me a break, Eleanor’, which is different from your ‘oh Eleanor’ meaning ‘you have to stop eating all those shrimpies, people is asking questions, Eleanor’ and more importantly not quite the ‘oh Eleanor’ for when I offer you something you’d like but pretend not to because of those old fashion manners of you. It’s fine, dude, I totally get it.” He was shocked, the tone in which she had mimicked him –almost mocking- was actually really accurate. She knew him well more than expected.  
  
“Thank you, for understanding.”  
  
“No problem, man.” She had started walking her way out the karaoke, cautiously followed by him. “Besides, you are the only soulmate I have; I wouldn’t like to break you just yet.” He decided for an act of chivalrous and offered her his arm to walk her home. He could do that, walk with her and leave her at the door of her house, then… go back to his office and try to get everything back in track. She accepted with a smile and they both walked, much to Eleanor’s surprise, doing small talk about some previous failed kisses she had shared with other men, Michael acting truly amused by them, not making everything weird or awkward.  
  
Maybe he had been wrong, maybe kissing wasn’t gross. Or yeah, maybe it was gross, but a good kind of gross, the kind he wouldn’t mind trying again.


	12. A Hot Firesquid

Michael was ready for take two, though still a bit unsettled by how everything unraveled the previous night, but looking at things with perspective, it wasn’t so bad. It was a new experience; he was bound to go through it sooner or later and maybe sooner would be better. He had underestimated some numbers as he might, he was not perfect and that had been cleared through all the hundreds of previous iterations. Now, he had learned about it, and changed the math, he had even taken a few hours to learn about this ‘kissing’ activity, which in his opinion didn’t seem like the big deal in theory, but as he read and researched there was apparently more to it than simply smashing foodholes.  
  
It was way more disgusting.  
  
Whatever, he would deal with it just as he did with everything else; with elegance, class and discipline. He had devoted the rest of his morning to play with some cherry stems till he was perfectly capable of tying them into a perfect bow by using only his –stupid- tongue, he failed to see how that would help but it was a human activity and their activities rarely ever made any sense.  
  
He span around in his chair, pretending to look at the map on the wall, Eleanor was supposed to get there any minute.  
  
“Hey buddy! I have all new fun stuff for us to do today!” The woman walked in full of the confidence that she constantly emanated. She was back to her usual outfit and make up, at least apparently, having taken some precautions with her underwear just in case. Her left hand full of childish game which she was sure Michael would love, and a bottle of wine on the other one.  
  
“Eleanor!” He turned around quickly; ready to proceed with the script. Eager to see the expression on her face the moment she realized she was extra screwed. “I have huge news! Is that a bottle of wine?” Then, he stopped for a question out of true curiosity, it was nearly nine in the morning and she wanted to start drinking already? Not shocking, but certainly new.  
  
“Well, yeah! I was thinking and you know what we didn’t do yesterday that I always do in all of my dates?”  
  
“… Playing cards?” he was currently analyzing the content of her other hand.  
  
“What? No! Getting drunk, man! Now, serious question… have you ever got drunk before? Or am I to introduce you to do that too?” She dropped with a serious face.  
  
“I…” he was sure he had to redirect the conversation back to the plan, but cutting her out would’ve been simply rude, and he couldn’t do that in his role. “I can drink, though I can’t get drunk, it doesn’t have the same effect on my kind, not much different from regular water.”  
  
“Oh...” her mouth drew a perfect O for one second, immediately replaced by a smirk “Whatever, getting drunk was just the introduction to the game anyways, the empty bottle is the real deal… if you know what I mean?”  
  
His eyes narrowed on her, totally clueless.  
  
“I certainly do not.”  
  
“I have to say, Mikey my boy, that teaching you about games and real human contact have me feeling like this… I don’t know really hot babysitter? Yeah, like I’m guiding you through adolescence? Some real weird childhood you never had and so now I have to teach you how to fly a kite, throw stones to some windows, have a date, properly kiss someone without ripping their lips, though I wouldn’t really mind you doing so… there are simply so many things I could teach you.” Still holding everything she managed to place her hands around her hips in one of the proudest poses Michael has ever seen in any human before and that included Tahani.  
  
“I’m so sorry you feel that way, Eleanor. I never meant for you to-“  
  
“Oh no, no, no, no! I actually kinda like it, you know? Here!” She left everything on his desk, actually placing the bottle over some papers, not really caring much. “You are this almighty angel guy who is literally the creator of everything I see, capable of destroying everything…” her eyes had lowered somewhere around his chest, together with her tone, which seemed to get lower and heavy while she enlisted things that he didn’t finish to understand, then there were her hands all over him and the one thing he could do was muttering a simple ‘ah’ while realizing where she was going. “You know literally everything about everyone, you could order me to do anything and I wouldn’t have much choice to obey and-.”  
  
“Eleanor.”  
  
“Oh yep, sorry. But then, you trust me to teach you about human stuff you have no idea about, like, you may be the boss… but I’m kinda your teacher, and there are so many things I’d like to teach you! Like, being human sucks! But with me you’ll learn everything that makes it to suck not so bad.”  
  
He was unsure how to continue with this, never before Eleanor had been this excited about their assistant-boss relationship, not even mentioned anything about being actually a teacher-student kind of deal, so he couldn’t quite figure out if this was actually a good or bad thing… according to her file she wasn’t into that kind of stuff, but according to her sixth dimension she was totally invested.  
  
“So! What about we begin with some wine?” She was already opening the bottle when he attempted to stop her by placing his hands over hers.  
  
“Eleanor, dear, as much as I’d love to continue learning about humans, isn’t it a bit too early for drinking? Besides, I’ll need you sharp and focused to continue with our search! Actually, I was telling you how-“  
  
“Yeah… I guess you are right.” She let go of the bottle, together with Michael’s hands. “Let’s just make out then.” Even when Michael listened to her, and as a demon had time enough to react, he didn’t, because his attention was actually on how she ignored him in order to get what she wanted, it was a shameless act of pure self-indulgence many demons weren’t capable of, but there she was, acting out of pure selfishness once again, doing whatever she wanted, not caring about how he was clearly trying to speak. That is why humans were so unpredictable, they always acted based on what they wanted, and that made Eleanor the most unpredictable of them all.  
  
Eleanor left the bottle still unopened on the desk and turned his way, he was still close to her so it wasn’t hard to grab him by the face. She stopped just one inch away from his lips.  
  
“Let’s try no biting this time, okay? Just… relax, and follow me.”  
  
“Eleanor, wait, we sh-“  
  
It was way gentler this time; there were no frantic movements of her hands or hiccups out of her crying. It was way drier too, and he decided that he could indulge just this time; there was plenty of torture in her future.  
  
As she smoothly found her way in his mouth, he tried to remember his self taught skills at kissing, but it had proven harder in practice than in theory, keeping a pace and ‘following her’, though after a few slow and dare to say sloppy tries he had gotten used to it, getting once again the warm feeling, unknown before their first kiss.  
  
Just as he grew familiar with the feeling, the woman moved back only enough to see his face, with a cheeky smile and her eyes wide open.  
  
“That wasn’t so bad… Lesson number two: hands.” He intended to speak, comment something, was that a challenge? ‘not so bad’, oh he could do better, who did that woman think she was? And what was the problem with his hands? They were perfectly fine. Eleanor had just taken them and placed them at her sides. “You are not eight years old anymore, bud. You can’t hide your hands behind your back, just touch me, I won’t break.” As always, she was pressed against his mouth before he could bring the topic about the ‘real job’ back to the table.  
  
This was a new level of compromise. He hadn’t practiced for this. He was no stranger to sex, of course, he had, as a matter of fact, gone as far as watching some of Eleanor’s memories with different sexual partners though it had always been with the goal of finding new ways to torture her, certainly not to analyze their movements in order to cause pleasure, but quite the opposite… he’d been quite intrigued by the way the woman actually seemed to enjoy a bit roughness to it, but it only made the more sense, didn’t it? She had always been a bit demonic herself; the way she bit and scratched was no real surprise.  
  
He tried to decide for the best route rather for escaping or getting to the task at hand. Eleanor was shifting in his hands, caressing and pulling the hair in the back of his neck, playing with the buttons of his shirt in a slightly more passionate way. It made him feel hot, literally hot, and he didn’t even know that was possible, he was a firesquid after all. Was this normal? Should he worry about his human suit burning to ashes or something? Because it certainly felt like it.  
  
“Wait, wait, wait, wait.” The woman had moved apart, pushing him softly by the shoulders, just when he was actually deciding that the feeling of melting away was something that fell in the category of ‘I fear it, but I like it’. Eleanor moved off his grasp and seated on his desk with a hop that left her feet hanging, she was so small. He simply stared as the woman pushed aside his files, papers, and even the stuff she herself had brought, some of them falling to the floor, and she couldn’t care less. “This is much better; you are like super tall, bud, my neck was hurting.” Of course, it was always his fault.  
  
She grabbed him by his hand and pulled him closer, kissing him in a slow and almost lazy motion that made it all feel the more intimate.  
  
“We have work to do.” She had given up on his lips, pressing kisses along his jaw.  
  
“Yeah… but, do we have to, though?” Just then, there was a slight pull of his hair, which he could only compare to the feeling of being electrocuted, if being electrocuted could ever feel pleasurable.  
  
“… I guess not.”  
  
“We could always work later.”  
  
“Later sounds good.”  
  
“Plenty of time.”  
  
“Eternity, actually.”  
  
Deep down, Michael knew he was supposed to be doing something different; there was this tiny voice in his head telling him to stop because they had to be doing something about something… something. Whatever it was, it didn’t seem so important right now.  
  
As a professional demon serving for different torturing departments he had never got to touch humans for too long, always enough to rip them apart, disembowel them or twist them. Actually, he was positive he had spent more time with someone else’s lung or liver on his hands than real still intact and in fine conditions skin. And he was starting to regret it. Humans were pitiful creatures, with fragile and disgusting bodies, full of juice and hair, not much different from a cockroach… or so he thought, because apparently they were also soft in all the right places. Eleanor’s authorization to touch her didn’t mean much to him as a demon, asking for permission was never taught in Torture 101, but it allowed him to do so while still in character, without giving him away and he was about to make sure to make the most of it.  
  
“Look at you, such a fast learner.” Eleanor, on the other side, was plainly and simply having fun, yes, she was wide aware that making out with Michael would keep him distracted from his job, but, hey! It was a win-win situation; she didn’t get caught, and he got to finally experience the miracle of sex or… as far as he was capable of going. There were still some details to figure out, like… was it possible for angels to be sexually aroused? Did he have a penis? Would his apparent age suit have any side effect on him? Would he need extra help? But, as far as they were, he seemed pretty much into kissing, and she was content with it. He had just said it, they had eternity, she could wait.  
  
Though, she didn’t have to actually wait to know the answers, since she tried her luck by pulling him a bit closer by the fabric of his suit and let go a soft moan when Michael’s arousal hit against her own, placing both his hands on his desk in order to keep balance. The man, however, let go a strange sound, like a deep growl immediately followed by a gasp surprised by his own reaction, did he make that sound? It did sound like him, but it wasn’t possible… Was it? It had felt so good… so good that it brought him back to what was happening, relinquishing to the delightful friction he moved apart, this had to stop now.  
  
“Looks like your human suit works just fine, Mikey, my man.” She smirked, still holding him by his lapel, making sure ‘his man’ was not retreating just yet.  
  
“Eleanor, we-“ he panted, like the last gasp had taken all the air from his false lungs. “-We have to stop, there is so much work to do, and you spilled wine on my carpet and- and I-“ ‘I have no idea what I could possibly do’ was what he was thinking, but it wouldn’t have made much sense to the person who believed him an angel.  
  
“Buddy, hey.” She let him go, looking truly worried for him. “It’s okay; we don’t need to do anything you don’t want to, alright?” He had moved back, running a nervous hand through his hair and pacing the room almost ignoring her, so she jumped from the desk but didn’t follow him, deciding he may need some space to cool down. “I’m perfectly fine with only making out with you if you don’t feel ready, and also, you don’t have to be ashamed, okay? That is a perfectly normal thing to happen to a healthy man when kissing someone as hot as myself.”  
  
“I’m not a healthy man, Eleanor, I am no man, in a literal sense.”  
  
“You sure?” She smirked once again, almost chuckling, her left brow high. “Because it felt like a man to me.” He simply glared at her, with his mouth slightly open in disbelief. “Hey…” Only now she dared approach him. “Michael, it’s okay, I am your soulmate, you don’t need to feel ashamed.” Was that what he was feeling? He couldn’t quite tell, stupid humans and their emotions. “You didn’t do anything wrong, if at all you did everything right.” She tried to be supporting and reassuring, unsure of why she was actually trying, maybe because Michael deserved it, or because she knew he would do the same for her.  
  
“It’s not that, it’s-“ it was new, it was scary, he had always planned everything, from his promotions to his daily routines, and even everyone else’s afterlife, but this was not part of the plan, he didn’t know what he could do, or what could happen, it was scary, and he was not the one supposed to feel that way.  
  
“It’s what?”  
  
“I... It’s just- I’ve never…” he had those puppy eyes again, the ones that made Eleanor believe he was simply too good to be teased or taken.  
  
“I know, I know! And it’s okay, I’m telling you, man! We have eternity to figure everything out, take all the time you need, and I’ll be here, with you, for when you want to kiss, or hold hands, or… watch a movie ten feet away, or even if you want to look at a million rocks like a psychopath.”  
  
Michael felt out of place, like this old movie was playing not quite like it should… but similar enough, it was unsettling.  
  
“… Thank you.” Finally, he smiled, Eleanor seemed honest enough, she wasn’t making fun of him for chickening out, and it was… actually strange. He could recall a similar scenario of her life, with a boy at her place, who just like him, had never gone ‘all the way’ with a girl, and Eleanor had crashed him, stepped all over his self-esteem… though, that time she hadn’t been alone, one of her ‘friends’ had appeared in a surprise visit and had started all the bullying… he was lucky there was no third party this time.  
  
“So… you ready to play with some legos?” It was funny, he thought, legos were actually considered torture devices by his kind, so yeah, he would love to play with some, very much. But this was not the time.  
  
“Oh, Eleanor… As much as I’d love to, I still haven’t told you the good news!”  
  
“Oh great!” She offered a smile that was all teeth, looking forward for this good news her soulmate had for her. “Out with it, man.”  
  
“Not working… actually worked!”  
  
“It did what now?” Finally, he got to see the expression he’s been waiting for all day.  
  
“After our day off, with a completely clear head, I realized part of what makes humans so fun is that they’re unpredictable. The chaos we’ve been experiencing is exactly what would happen if a resident behaved unpredictably.” He tried to enjoy Eleanor’s completely baffled expression, slowly growing in fear… but it was not quite the same, he didn’t feel the joy that her suffering always brought him, well, yes, there was the joy that came with the success of his plan, but… something felt odd. “The problem in our neighborhood it’s not a rock or an object.” He reminded himself that this was the same woman that had just now spilled red wine in his immaculate carpet. “It’s one of the people!” Her jaw fell and something around his non-existent heart fell with it, but he pushed the feeling down, now was not the time to feel those obnoxious human emotions. “Oh! We need to celebrate.” The same routine, he ran around her, reaching for his plate full of paper clips, and though he had it in his hands, he couldn’t bring himself to throw them over her.  
  
Her frame looked smaller, almost shaky, like she wanted to disappear and be swallowed by the earth. That could be arranged. But he couldn’t. So he left the paper clips on their place.  
  
“Oh, I know! We could grab some frozen yoghurt on the way!”  
  
“…Yeah.” She slowly composed herself, turning around and offering her the most discombobulated of the smiles he’d seen so far, and that included the previous iterations. “Let’s go for some frozen yoghurt.”  
  
“And then, to work.” She swallowed hard, and he could literally see in her seventh dimension how it happened.  
  
“And then… to work.”


	13. Falling dominoes

Every step since the moment they left his office was made in auto-pilot by Eleanor, always one step behind Michael. There was some chit chat, and she did try to divert his attention from her a couple times, but it was clear that she was less talkative than in previous tries.  
  
They had been to the place where the chilli rain had started, only to repeat the scene with Janet giving hundreds of names. They had walked past by one of the dozen frozen yogurt stores and had got some, which Eleanor didn’t really eat and threw to the garbage can without paying much attention. There was no sinkhole this time, and so they had gone back to Michael’s office, with Eleanor starting to grow in confidence.  
  
She was screwed, she knew she absolutely forked up, and it was pointless to try and deceive herself into believing she ever stood a chance to stay, but… she just wanted a bit more time, there were things she hadn’t tried yet, like actually paying attention to Chidi or forking Michael or touching Tahani’s hair, she prayed to a God if it ever existed, to get to do any of those things, the Tahani one if possible.  
  
“I’ve run the numbers and it seems like the ‘eye chaos’ started around this area and then it took about 0,0003 seconds to spread all over the neighborhood. Now, my office is private, so whoever did this must have been here, in the waiting area.” Eleanor swallowed hard, she was there, and he knew she was there. “Eleanor, you came here when it happened. Didn’t you see anything suspicious? Maybe someone fleeing their crime scene?”  
  
Her eyes and mouth opened wide, trying to think of a lie that would fool Michael enough as to get her some time.  
  
“… Well, no. I was at my place when this all happened. Yes. But then it happened and I… came here, AFTER it happened, it was already done.” He wanted to laugh so badly, she knew no shame. She had just seen how it was possible for him to ask Janet for a complete list of people in the area and yet she had dared to lie.  
  
“Yes, of course… Janet.” Eleanor’s face lost any sign of color.  
  
‘Bing’  
  
“Hi, there.”  
  
“Could I have the list of residents around this area when the eye event happened?”  
  
“Sure thing.” She handed him a simple page, almost in blank, while Eleanor stood biting her nails, and praying there was someone else, literally anyone else in the list.  
  
“… This doesn’t make any sense.” She gulped, and he could feel her tension and fear, it was so overwhelming he didn’t just feel it in the air; he smelled it, the scent of true fear… intoxicating, and even visible. This was pleurigloss, not the mumbo jumbo about the soldier and the dog. He looked down at her, to those bright blue eyes, almost pleading at him for mercy, like she knew what he was really capable of, and what his real intentions had been for so long. He turned the paper and there it was her name and her name only.  
  
“… That-that is not-“ he could make it stop. “I was at home, Michael.” He had to make it stop. “You have to believe me!” One of her hands had weakly grabbed him by the fabric around his arm “There has been a mistake!” Eleanor pleading was something extremely rare, it had only happened a couple times before, always involving him physically hurting one of the other humans… and it always felt amazing. It made him feel powerful and in control, he was of course, all of the time powerful and in control, but getting Eleanor to acknowledge it made all the difference for him. So, it was difficult to bring her pleading to an end.  
  
“You are right. There has been a mistake.” She stopped begging, but the fear was still there, expectant, waiting, because she knew the mistake was her. “It can’t be you, you were at home. Janet surely got you mixed up because you were in a near radio or you got here too quickly, and I wouldn’t judge you, the eyes… were pretty gruesome, Janet, is there a chance this list isn’t 100% reliable?”  
  
“Well… I know everything, but I was malfunctioning at that time, so yes, there is a high chance my data was compromised.”  
  
He smiled softly at Eleanor, trying to get her at ease and it was effective. She could finally breathe, the extreme fear leaving her body taking all his pleasure with it.  
  
“Then… we have nothing.” He sighed and dropped the paper to the floor. “… Janet, my hoodie, please.”  
  
It was time to re-enact the same scene played so many times in different locations. His entrance door was new, though. Lying there, he felt Eleanor’s steps approaching him, the presence of the carpet made it a bit different, comforting… warmer.  
  
“… Cause I’m just a person and you are this super-magical Coronel Sanders-type guy who invented this… entire universe. But, I’ll do my best.”She reached for his arm, but there was no squeeze. “I’m right here.” He grinned, it was show time.  
  
“Oh, my gosh.” He crawled to his knees and turned around so he could fix his eyes with Eleanor’s. “Of course. How did I not see it?”  
  
As Michael scheduled a moribund and devastating emergency meeting, Eleanor remained on the floor, not minding in standing up, because there was no point. She was going to be swallowed by earth real soon, sent to The Bad Place. She’d got so far… even dodging her name being alone in that list… how exactly did that sweet speech give her away? She didn’t know.  
  
\---  
  
Chidi found Eleanor when walking down the stairs, there had been an alarm, calling all neighbors to the meeting area, for a ‘moribund and devastating’ sort of theme… no idea. He was not alone, of course, Vicky was by his hand.  
  
“Eleanor?” She barely even moved, like waking up from a long dream, and looked their way, making an effort to smile.  
  
“Hey.” Chidi noticed something was off when the woman didn’t flinch at the sight of Victoria.  
  
“Hi, Eleanor! Oh, it’s about to begin, we better go grab a seat.” Vicky pulled Chidi’s hand, but he didn’t move, still standing next to Eleanor. “Chidi…?”  
  
“Uhm, yes. Victoria, do you mind if-“ he looked at his –false- soulmate, hoping she would understand something was off. She did, of course, not because of Chidi’s gesture, but because they had gone through this a hundred times, and much to Chidi’s luck she had got explicit instructions from Michael to leave the two of them alone.  
  
“Oh, yes, sure. I’ll save you two a spot.” She smiled and left the place, surprising Eleanor, because she wasn’t acting like the psycho she was positive the woman was.  
  
“What is going on?”  
  
“Well, I did what you said. I honored my agreement to help Michael find the problem, and he found… the problem.” Chidi’s feelings were complex to say the least. He was sad, because of the implications, but also relieved because this would mean the end to all the lies.  
  
“Oh, I’m so sorry.”  
  
“… I really thought I was gonna make it.”  
  
“You did great, Eleanor, you learned so much in two days.”  
  
“… I did, didn’t I?” She offered him a half smile, trying to make him feel better. “But I guess it wasn’t enough… and having Michael all over me didn’t help with the low profile either.”  
  
“How did he take it?”  
  
“Uhm.” She frowned and twitched her upper lip. “Don’t know. He’s totally ghosting me, not a single word… like, jeez, man, I get it, I destroyed your precious paradise or whatever. Meh, I can’t blame him, that’s what I did to most of my exes.” Chidi half smiled too, she definitely didn’t belong to The Good Place.  
  
“He must be really sad.”  
  
“Yeah… I think he is. Sad and disappointed… and mad… he even called a crowd to cast stones at me.”  
  
“That is not-“ Just then Michael had started talking.  
  
“There was one common link among every incident. And when I figured it out, it was a shock. But there’s no escaping it.” As he approached her, Eleanor felt the guilt and shame grow in her. “The problem… is me.”  
  
Everyone gasped while Eleanor’s mind made an effort to register those words.  
  
“And now… I have to leave you. Forever.”  
  
\---  
  
When the meeting was over, everyone scattered around, gossiping and whispering in low voices, clearly about the man responsible for the ‘disaster’. While the man himself had walked his way off the stage rambling with no clear destination, Eleanor turned to see Chidi, confused.  
  
“Go, go, go!” Chidi told her, pointing at Michael, fearing that he would leave right away. Eleanor immediately obeyed running towards the tall man.  
  
“Michael, wait!” he turned around, actually surprised to see Eleanor chasing after him. She was supposed to go home with Chidi or alone, feeling relieved. “Are you-are you leaving?”  
  
“… Yes.”  
  
“But… I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll believe everything you say, so if you say you are a mistake, then you are the biggest I’ve even seen.” His expression remained blank, like he already knew. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant, it’s-“  
  
“It’s alright, Eleanor, I understand.”  
  
“… Do you?”  
  
“Yes, and… I’m sorry, I’ve been avoiding you, but I feel just terrible, you see… I knew from the very beginning that it was impossible for a being like me to be the soulmate of a human, I knew it, I was 100% sure of it, and even so… I ignored it. And look what I caused-“ he raised his hands, bringing to her attention the perfect weather and the beautiful colors. “This failed excuse of a good place.” She frowned because it was clearly the most beautiful setting she had ever seen.  
  
“Hey, dude, don’t be so harsh on yourself. You got paired up with me, it was obvious you wouldn’t want to leave.” He simply nodded, taking her beauty for granted. “So… what’s gonna happen now?”  
  
“I have to fix the problems my meddling caused. Once that is done I’ll ask Janet for the train… Tonight probably.”  
  
“I… just wanted to make sure you weren’t leaving without saying good-bye.”  
  
“Of course.” He nodded, he couldn’t anyway; Tahani was preparing this sort of surprise party for him, and he needed to give Eleanor enough time to stop him. “Now, if you excuse me… I have to go find your real soulmate.” Michael immediately turned around and left, leaving a really confused Eleanor standing in her place.  
  
“… Find my what now?”  
  
\---  
  
She was pacing her living room, wondering if Chidi would come for their usual class. Not like she was in the mood for it, but she did want to talk with him about Michael, he was, after all, his one and only friend.  
  
There was a really quick and short knock on the door, and the minute Eleanor opened up, Chidi walked in looking a bit… annoyed?  
  
“What did you say to him? Did you make him do this somehow?” She pretended to look offended.  
  
“Of course not! This was entirely his idea.” Then, she smiled all teeth. “Dude! This is good news! Michael’s gonna get a chill retirement, which, frankly, he desperately needs. And I can finally relax… Plus! I get a new soulmate who isn’t the dictionary definition of perfect. It’s forking great!”  
  
“No, it’s terrible. Michael’s wrong. He’s not the problem.” She frowned for a second and pouted, why couldn’t Chidi stop judging her for a second? Jeez… Michael would surely understand.  
  
“Well, Michael did bring me here, which was the mistake that caused all the other problems… and also! He isn’t supposed to be here either! So… as I see it, we both are mistakes, we are just getting rid of him first. Who knows? Maybe this fixes everything and then we just can pretend this never happened.” Chidi opened his eyes wide, still shocked by Eleanor’s selfishness.  
  
“… Alright. But, what if it doesn’t? What if Michael leaves and then you break this perfect equilibrium once again, who is going to fix that, Eleanor? Because we won’t have Michael.”  
  
“There is always Janet, she literally solves all the problems around.”  
  
“No, she doesn’t. As much as I appreciate Janet she is not designed for that, she needs a conductor.”  
  
“She IS the conductor, didn’t you listen Michael? She drives the train or whatever.”  
  
“That is not- You know that is not what I meant.”  
  
“Chidi, relax… Michael is retiring. He’s gonna be on an angel boat somewhere, smoking moonbeam cigars!” Chidi was growing anxious, because talking to Eleanor was like talking to a wall. Not even the worst of his students had ever failed so hard at understanding the concept of ‘wrong’. “Now, Tahani is throwing him a good-bye party. Let’s go help out.” The fact that she was clearly oblivious to the clear problem, all smiles and excited only annoyed him more.  
  
“Sure, that will more than make up for the pain and misery and lying.”  
  
“Yes! Now you are getting it.”  
  
A wall. Eleanor was a wall.  
  
\---  
  
At least she was, till the moment Michael explained what retirement meant for his kind. Eleanor’s jaw literally dropped at the mention of his genitals being used like a piñata or something. That made her finally realize that lying was wrong.  
  
While Tahani clapped and bossed everyone around to change the party theme Eleanor got Chidi by his hand and dragged him all the way outside.  
  
“Dang it! I was almost handed a perfect solution! But a piñata? Seriously?! Ugh… why bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?”  
  
“Okay, you have two options. You can confess and save Michael or you can continue to lie and condemn him to an eternity of unimaginable pain.”  
  
“Ooooooor…!” She made a stop, thinking. “Option C, continue to lie about myself AND convince Michael to stay, I think there is a way I can save both, Michael, me, AND throw Tahani under the bus! A classic two birds with a stone scenario!” Chidi couldn’t believe what he was listening; every time Eleanor seemed to improve she suddenly jumped into something even worse. “Plus, I’ll get her house! Three birds…”  
  
“What? No, no, that doesn’t sound-“ he grimaced, completely uncomfortable with everything happening. “Eleanor, what are you thinking?”  
  
“Well… Michael wants to leave because he thinks he is the problem… what if I-“  
  
“Chidi? Where are you?” That was Victoria’s voice. The man immediately jumped in his place, moving away from Eleanor by three more steps.  
  
“I’m here, Victoria, with-“  
  
“Eleanor.” Both women smiled, though it was a really forced one. “What are you guys doing out here…? Alone.” Her words were so sharp they literally hurt Chidi somehow.  
  
“Well, we were…“ The man was clearly nervous, not just because of the whole Michael situation but also because Victoria was sure to start crying at any minute and he couldn’t even give her a proper explanation because he couldn’t tell the truth.  
  
“Chidi was comforting me, because of Michael. I-“ Eleanor was giving Chidi some strong signs to go and hug Victoria or do something, while she made the hard job; lying, for him. “I’m feeling a bit sad, you know… I really liked him, and now he is leaving forever, and… I don’t have any friends so I asked Chidi to hear me out, but I think I’m feeling much better now.”  
  
“Oh, Eleanor, you’re right, I’m so sorry for your loss.”  
  
“He’s not gone yet, Victoria, but… thanks.” The tension between the two women was so heavy that Chidi felt like he was being crashed. “Actually, I think I’ll go… prepare something for him.” She turned to see Chidi, seriously considering winking an eye at him, but Victoria would surely misinterpret the gesture.  
  
“Eleanor, are you 100% sure you are alright?”  
  
“Yes, Chidi, I’m 100% I’m alright, and I will be even better.”  
  
“Yes, but are you sure that EVERYTHING will be alright?”  
  
“Of course it will be… for me.” And then she left, almost running, aware Chidi would spend the rest of the day dead worried, but whatever, she had to save Michael, sacrifices were to be made, but obviously not by her.  
  
\---  
  
About one hour later, Eleanor waited for Michael in her living room, having prepared a lot of human activities for the man to try before ‘leaving forever’. There were legos, videogames, pillows, marbles, and the best one of all according to herself; a tamagotchi, the pet she could reset as many times as she wanted. Some others were around the place since she didn’t know what could get Michael in the mood to stay for a bit longer, that is what she needed, for the man to stay only past nine with her would do.  
  
There was a soft knock on the door, though people was already used to simply enter her house it was like some kind of curse, she hated it.  
  
“Eleanor? Janet told me you needed me.” Michael stood near the door, one hand in his pocket, and the expression of someone about to throw out.  
  
“Michael!” She jumped from her place and closed the door behind him, preventing him from escaping. “Yes, I do need you!”  
  
“Well, I am really busy.” His right hand caressed absent mindedly the back of his head. “But I guess I’ve not been retired yet so, must as well do my job, hoping I won’t destroy the neighborhood in the process. What can I help you with?” Eleanor was quick to grab his other hand and drag him to the center of the room, in front of the coffee table full of games and food.  
  
“I need you to… try all these exciting human activities with me.”  
  
“Eleanor, I can’t- I have so much paperwork to do, and your soulmate is giving me the worst headache. I need to get back to-“  
  
“Michael!” She stood up in front of him raising a threatening finger. This was not the first time, of course, she had fought him many times, trying to get physical, wide aware she stood no chance. “Didn’t you learn anything from me? You are working too hard! C’mon!” Only then she softened up, throwing both hands to the air. “Live a little! You are literally extra-dying tomorrow! Are you gonna tell me you don’t want to try any of these human things before… well- you know?” her thumb drew a straight line across her neck, gesturing for his end.  
  
He considered his options, trying to read through Eleanor’s actions. This was not scripted, or not exactly like this, what did the woman have in mind? Could he trust her offering as an innocent well-fare? Or was there something behind that positive attitude? Right now she was supposed to be plotting with Chidi different ways to stop him. The one with Jason dynamiting the train had been the best one so far. Maybe this Eleanor had some new way to stop him in mind.  
  
Finally, he admitted in a shy tone, with both hands buried deep in his pockets.  
  
“Well… I’ve always wanted to do that thing you do with the domino tiles.”  
  
“You mean… playing domino?”  
  
“No,” he shook his head softly, still shy with his eyes lost somewhere around the floor. “that thing in which you place all the tiles on a surface one after the other and then you… push.”  
  
“So… let me get this straight. You, Michael the architect, are disappearing from existence tomorrow morning and when I offer you to do literally anything, you… wanna play with dominoes?”  
  
“I knew it was a stupid idea. Just forget I said it.” He was already turning around, reaching for the doorknob when Eleanor stopped him using her own body to press against him, though not exactly in a hug, more like creating a literal wall for the man to crash against.  
  
“No, no, no, no! Hey! You know what? Fork it! You wanna play with dominoes? Then dominoes will be! I see no better way to spend the last minutes of your non-life than sitting on the floor carefully placing one tile at a time.”  
  
“I know, right? There is just something so fun about… carefully planning a pattern, a sequence of actions in a pre-calculated order, having the cause and affect principle as its main motor… God forbids us from having one piece falling unpredicted, causing the perfect design to fall apart and crumble on its own simple construction, forcing us to repeat the painful process in a slightly different way, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.” He was piercing her eyes, aware she would have no idea what he was truly talking about, his own personal defective domino piece.  
  
“Aha… alright, weirdo, let’s go get your dominoes.” She moved only when completely sure Michael was not leaving and searched through the dozen of boxes.  
  
About twenty minutes later they were sitting on the floor with a considerably long line of dominoes carefully placed mainly by Michael, Eleanor was busy eating some shrimps.  
  
“So… About that soulmate of mine.”  
  
“Yes…?” He didn’t mind looking at her, still extending the line on the floor, his jacket suit undone.  
  
“You said he’s giving you a headache… why? Is it because you fell desperately in love with me and you hate him or is he a complete ash-hole?” She was cross sitting on the floor, turning her upper body to approach Michael. He flinched, not exactly by the question but because of her proximity, it endangered his whole line of dominoes, in maybe more than one way.  
  
“… None.” Once sure his dominoes were safe from Eleanor’s lack of care he answered. “I… I screwed up way worse than I thought.” There was a heavy sigh and Eleanor approached him by one more inch.  
  
“Why? What did you do?”  
  
“You don’t want to know.”  
  
“Well, yeah, maybe I don’t wanna know… but you for sure wanna tell me.” She knew, there were secrets that were simply too big to be carried alone, she knew this better than anyone else. “You are leaving tomorrow, so… why don’t tell me now?”  
  
“… I do want to tell you.”  
  
“I won’t judge you.” Her features were those of a kid, trying to portray real compromise and innocence. He sighed heavily and started talking, but with his eyes and hands still working on the wooden pieces.  
  
“… As you know, architects are not supposed to live in the neighborhoods they design… there is this perfect equilibrium all of them have in common, some patterns are not to be changed, each one contains 322 people, no exceptions… till this one.” Eleanor left the bowl of shrimps on the floor next to her, licking her fingers, though there were still a couple left. “The moment I included myself in the formula, I took the place of one of the residents. This was translated in-well- one of the residents… being sent to the bad place.” He positioned the last piece of domino on the line of intricate pattern and looked at Eleanor with caution. “I sent your real soulmate to the Bad Place, Eleanor, and now I have to get him back… which is proving quite a difficult task, especially with me playing dominoes.”  
  
She had slowly opened her eyes and mouth at the same time, that sounded like a big ‘oopsie’ maybe Michael was right after all, maybe he was the problem.  
  
“Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have told you. I feel terrible about it, but there is no much I can do, I’ve already filled all the forms, requested the change, made a hundred of phone calls, but rescuing someone from The Bad Place is such a bureaucratic work, I’ve been told to wait, but I don’t know for how long… that poor innocent human. And look at me! Sitting on the floor! Doing nothing!” He was about to slap his own job, tearing it all apart when Eleanor stopped him.  
  
“Wait, Michael, wait.” Her left hand had stopped his right inches away from the pieces. “I get it, and… it’s okay. You wanted to learn about humans and well, this is a very human situation. We are not perfect, Michael, we make mistakes and sometimes there is nothing we can do about it and it sucks, but… we learn from them, and we try to work to fix them. That is the important thing… to try, and you are doing it, bud. So, don’t worry. I’m sure this… man will be here in no time.”  
  
How dared she? How dared she give that speech to him? She among all people?  
  
“But I am no human… I am not supposed to make these kinds of mistakes. I sent one of the very best people on Earth to The bad Place, Eleanor… do you know what that means?”  
  
“Well… Not exactly, and I hope I never find out,” oh, she had some nerve. “but! I know that if I were this super good person, which I am! I would completely understand that sometimes… people and architects make mistakes, because hey…” Michael had been avoiding eye contact, in his usual impersonation of an embarrassed good place architect, but Eleanor had fixed her blue eyes on him and it suddenly was harder to look away. “Pobody’s nerfect.”  
  
“…” There was his shy smile, growing slowly bigger till he was honestly smiling, though probably for all the wrong reasons, he was about to completely ruin the moment. “But you are.”  
  
Chidi would be right in the future. One of the things Eleanor Shellstrop was most scared of was being told something nice straight to her face because it made her feel vulnerable. She backfired from her position, letting go of Michael’s hand, losing balance and hitting one of the pieces of dominoes with her left foot, creating the famous ‘domino effect’.  
  
“Oh no, no, no, no, no!” She tried to stop the process, but meddling only proved counterproductive, her clumsy hands only accelerated the falling with Michael staring at them fall one at a time. Once it was over Eleanor gathered as many of them as she could in her hands and tried to place them all together in a futile attempt to restore it to its previous glory. “I’m so so sorry, man! You worked so hard on this, you are literally ultimate dying tomorrow and I forking ruined your moment!”  
  
“It’s okay.”  
  
“No, it’s not okay! If we had more time I’d totally re-build it for you, but…” she sighed heavily and let go of all the pieces at once. “Ugh, and you were so stupidly excited about it… I mean, no offense.”  
  
“None taken. Besides… I did get to see it. You trying to stop the natural order of things was certainly a plus… you knew that there was no way to stop it, and even so you tried to stick your fingers, like God trying to stop fate.”  
  
She scoffed because of such a deep metaphor being applied to some domino tiles.  
  
“Yeah, sure.” Her scoff became a chuckle. “… You are such a dork.”  
  
“Well, that might be taken.”  
  
“No! Jeez, this is… ugh, whatever, you may be dead by tomorrow morning.” She threw the last piece of domino in her hand far away and turned to face him. “I know… we are not soulmates, but it is weird, I was never into dorks, though you probably know that… you have my file. Wait, was I into dorks?”  
  
“No, you weren’t.” That had been a risky move by her.  
  
“But your kind of dork is… acceptable? I think. Connecting with people is not one of my strengths… is it?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“Yeah, right. So, what I’m trying to say is… sometimes I feel like you get me, even more than I get myself, like you know me so much it is almost creepy. Like having my personal stalker as my best friend, but also sort of my lover? Uh, dang it, forget I said it, it was so awkward.”  
  
“Yes, it was.”  
  
“You see?! Some other jerk would’ve tried to play it cool like ‘it was not, Eleanor, it was beautiful’” A funny expression and tone mocking her former partners. “But you don’t, you say what I wanna hear, even when I have no idea what it is I wanna hear… tell me the truth, can you read my mind?” She had got closer, eyes narrows in suspicion.  
  
“No, Eleanor. I can’t read your mind… but I do get you. It is interesting, actually, I don’t understand many human things, like… why they behave the way they do, or how they manage to get so much food into their small stomachs, but… you make it easier.” It was a giant lie; if anything she had done it the most difficult task on hell. This was a calm and comforting moment, they didn’t get many of these on the Bad Place, he was used to the chaos, the screaming, the running, the constant feeling of danger and fear, making all of this the most unsettling… but in a good way.  
  
“Are you sure you can’t stay?”  
  
“No. Me staying here endangers the complete neighborhood. Chaos seems to emerge out of the blue, with no clear connection… but me.”  
  
“Yeah, but… you are also the one who solves them. What if something bad happens and you are not here to take care of it?”  
  
“Eleanor… this is The Good Place, why would something bad happen here?”  
  
“I don’t know.” She shrugged tense in the shoulders. He was right; he was probably confused by her questions. “You said it yourself humans are… unpredictable.”  
  
He nodded and went to one of his knees to stand up.  
  
“Where are you going?”  
  
“Tahani’s party.”  
  
“Oh no, no, no, but we aren’t done! We have so many other fun things to do!” She quickly stood up, trying to keep Michael on the floor by throwing boxes, games and pillows at him. It sort of worked, with him being buried under a sea of plastic. “What about cards or dolls or videogames or- chess. You look like the sort of guy who enjoys playing chess and calling it a sport.” She had lowered back next to him, looking between the containers.  
  
What was her blonde head plotting? This was suspicious… she was supposed to be with Chidi thinking about murdering Janet, he didn’t need to leave just yet, he just wanted to give her enough time to put her plan into action… unless this was her plan. But why? What was it? or maybe she didn’t have any plan, maybe she had decided that burning on the surface of different suns wasn’t so bad and that she could have her conscious at peace once he was done.  
  
Whatever it was, if this was what Eleanor wanted, then it was probably for the best to follow her lead. She had to prevent him for leaving, or he would be forced to pretend to leave for one season and that would complicate everything.  
  
“I’ve never played chess before, I do know the rules though, but I don’t particularly feel ‘in the mood’ as you say.”  
  
“Then what about I paint your nails? Or do origami or-“  
  
“What would you advice? Is there anything you would like to do in my situation?”  
  
She stopped freaking out; there were a couple things she wanted to do before dying. She was already dead and she could no longer share a futon with Jason Statham or touch Rihanna’s hair, of course. But she could do the heaven version of those things.  
  
“There is something.”  
  
“Great, what is it?” he was truly looking forward to this. Eleanor had offered him so much real fun during their hangouts that he was completely interested in whatever she considered to be ‘the best thing to do before ceasing to exist’.  
  
“Before… how comfortable are you about touching my hair?”  
  
“I’m sorry, what?” What? What did she just say about her hair?  
  
“Oh whatever, let’s just do this.” He had heard that expression before a couple times, with Chidi… and while he tried to remember the exact scenario, all of a sudden, Eleanor was kissing him again. What was her problem? He didn’t recall her this touchy with previous soulmates… alright, yes, there were a couple times, like when he disguised one of the demons as a sexy mailman who preferred to wear his uniform 24/7, it had worked amazingly great, so well it ruined the experiment for week three… but he was no mailman. He knew the authoritative type of guy was her deal, but he hadn’t expected it to work so well, especially because he hadn’t even given it his best. Or maybe it was because… she thought him to be an angel. It was not an Eleanor-y thing to do to voluntarily involve herself with something pure, but she was in for corrupting anything that she considered above her; getting whisky in the juice prom, teaching parrots to curse, encouraging her little cousin to sneak food into the cinema. Anything that would ‘level down’ the world around her.  
  
He pushed her apart, before any of the previous –stupid human- feelings would come, fogging his judgment.  
  
“Eleanor, stop, I am not your soulmate.”  
  
“Yeah… so?” Wow, she seemed way too cocky about it.  
  
“What do you mean so? Your real soulmate is right now in The Bad Place being tortured and you-“ he shut up, she seemed suddenly upset, a strange mixture of anger, sadness, disappointment all over her face, was she crying? Was she yelling? Was she lashing out?  
  
“You know what? Yes… yes, you are right! Kissing you is the last thing I’d like to do.” Lashing out it was. He tilted his face, trying to understand why, whatever he did; he did it right -for a demon-, because she was deeply hurt. And then, he understood, he had acted like Chidi. He had acted like someone good, judging her, making her feel like she was doing something wrong –because she was, but it was irrelevant to her eyes-. He, a real demon, had literally turned her down because of ethical reasons. “You asked me what I’d do and- this is what I’d do, this is literally what all teenagers say they wanted to before dying. Not like you would know, because you clearly have no idea how humans feel or act, I was just trying to make you a favor if anything.”  
  
“So, you don’t really like me. You took pity on me.”  
  
“Yes, exactly. But whatever, if you feel like you are too good to screw up with your ex girlfriend then maybe you should leave, not like I’d know, I mean, it’s not like I am one of the best people on Earth.” Oh no, this was bad. Not Eleanor being mad, of course, he couldn’t care less, but the fact she was kicking him out her house while being mad. It only meant that keeping him in was actually part of her plan to keep him safe. If he left now, he would have to maneuver his way out of leaving the neighborhood, or truly leaving it, which would slow down the experiment by other hundred years, he had better stay or reboot all of them at once.  
  
“You listen, dude? Go to Tahani’s if she’s so great.” Her index finger pointing at the door, outraged. He pushed aside all of the toys and games that remained over him and kissed her. Only to be immediately smacked away. “What’s your problem, dude? Not much angel-ish from you, don’t you dare try to force me with your superpowers because I’ll kick your ash so hard into the sun you won’t need a train no more!”  
  
Oh, this was still bad. Not because of staying anymore, Eleanor was super into something called ‘angry sex’ which he assumed was perfect for the occasion, but because she was right, that hadn’t been much ‘angel-ish’ from him. How was he supposed to explain himself? Whatever, he’d deal with it later. Michael stretched in his position, still on the floor, his back straight causing him to look taller and intimidating, towering over her by comparison, and one look, ‘the look’.  
  
“I don’t think you would.” He’d never done something like this before, he had honestly tried to intimidate her a couple times, but with her always knowing he was a demon, aware that he could honestly rip her apart and was more than willing to do so… but now, having him as someone to trust acting all empowered and authoritative made all the difference. It was reassuring in the oddest of the ways.  
  
Her mouth opened slightly, while she felt something shift around her stomach.  
  
“Just shut up.”  
  
As it had been stated, Michael had never shown a particular interest in sex, beyond using it as a weapon against humans, of course, but never related to his own kind. So, he could only imagine what it would be for a being like him to engage in such an act based on the stories of his co-workers –though most likely exaggerated and fake, coming from Trevor-. Demons were not sweet; they didn’t know what consent was or why humans would ask for it when it was much easier to simply take whatever they wanted. Such stupid creatures. In his head it was some sort of fight that because of some external force, completely strange to him, ended up being pleasuring. He understood now.  
  
Unlike previous times the woman had fiercely started kissing him, trying to teach him a lesson, to put him in his place, she was the one in charge and things were going to be the way she wanted them to be, or they simply wouldn’t be. It was adorable for him, the fact she believed to have a choice.  
  
This he knew, he’d seen it, he’d practiced it. Much more comfortable now that he’d had the time to study her previous encounters, taking mental note of all the right places to touch and the moment to do so. It didn’t seem so hard, if you paid attention to the subtle changes of her pitch or the pressure of her fingers. The fact that she seemed still mad was actually working wonders for him, previously scared of hurting her and giving himself away because of a strange sound like his former growling, this setting with her almost tearing apart the buttons of his shirt made him all the more comfortable, it would explain half of his behavior and it felt like home.  
  
With the woman sitting straddle on his lap and his hands tracing her bare back, she made an effort to speak between pants.  
  
“What about Tahani’s party?”  
  
“Yes, what about it?” She gasped, though he was unsure if it was because of his comment or because his thumb brushing her breast.  
  
“Oh, you are bad.”  
  
“I’m what now?” he froze in place, was he busted? So fast? Oh man…  
  
“I’m telling you what you are; not leaving.” She grabbed him by the undone collar of his shirt and pushed him to the floor so hard the back of his head ricocheted on the ground. “You good there, bud?”  
  
He was, of course he was, but his vision was blurrier… where were his glasses? Oh right, he didn’t need them, still, he felt dizzy. Maybe she did give him a concussion even with the no harm filter on.  
  
“I truly don’t know.”  
  
“Good.” He was sure she didn’t really care, he could be bleeding on her carpet and she wouldn’t mind standing up, and this was a very unique scenario in which he could actually torture her for it.  
  
Michael was a patient man, when it came to it, he had lived an eternity nonetheless, and so, he waited for Eleanor to lower her body once again, trying to kiss –or perhaps bite- him around the neck so he could grab her by the shoulders and pin her down to the floor, once there, both her wrists were small enough to fit in one of his hands. She had started to squirm and wriggle the moment she realized the change of roles.  
  
“I think we are forgetting who is the boss in here.” The woman stopped twisting the moment he delivered the words, he patted himself in the shoulder –mentally, of course, both his hands busy- for a job well done, boy, that afternoon of study and devoted attention to details was really paying off.  
  
“Who are you?”  
  
“Not your soulmate, I’m afraid.” Being much taller than her proved useful as his right hand traveled all the way down her stomach with him still facing her. He knew an awful lot about human anatomy, but it was apparently different for every human, and so, the best way to determine if it was actually working was her expression, lucky for him Eleanor wasn’t a shy lover, and the way he seemed to be piercing her eyes didn’t intimidate her as much as it turned her on.  
  
“Holy forking-“ It was moist, no, cross that out, wet was a more suitable word. Disgusting. Humans were disgusting. He knew this was a good sign, it was praise for his effort, but the idea that it also represented her pleasure made it disgusting. Eleanor had started to squirm once again, and she seemed unable to articulate any real word, as her mouth opened and closed without saying much.  
  
“I’m new at this… is it working?” Of course it was, but as a demon he still deeply resented her for telling him ‘not so bad’ that same morning. As a response her back went up, but refused to actually answer for a couple seconds.  
  
“Yes, yes, it’s working.”  
  
She was close, he could tell, based on the pitch of her muffled moans, but it was not happening. She hadn’t earned the right, he’d never had an orgasm himself, but based on the graphics it was clear that it was an extreme form of euphoria, and this woman was still in hell, and his job was to make sure she felt like it. Just when he was about to retreat his hand with some lame excuse about doing a bad job at it, the silence and quiet of the evening was disrupted by screams.  
  
This was hell. Like, real hell. Did Jason open one of the Pandora’s box he kept at his office again? Whatever, he immediately moved back completely annoyed, letting out an honest growl of frustration, which he quickly disguised as a whimpering of concern.  
  
“What is that?”  
  
“I’m sure it’s nothing, let’s just-“ she was hanging from his neck, forcing him down.  
  
“No, it was something, are those… people suffering?”  
  
“I’m sure they are just fine, if you could-“  
  
“In The Good Place?” he completely ignored her, and undid her hands about to stand up.  
  
There was a knock on the door, so loud he stayed frozen, only for the door to be immediately opened. Damn it, why did he have to make that door so people would simply come in? oh, right, because it was extremely annoying, just like now.  
  
“Eleanor! What did you d- heeeeeeello, Michael, and I can see you two are busy, so I’m-“ Chidi had just walked in, out of himself, and clearly panicked. At the realization of what was happening before his arrival he was quick to turn around. “Why didn’t I wait outside? Why do I always open this door? Why am I like this?”  
  
“Dude! Can we have some privacy here?” Michael turned to see at Eleanor completely amazed, did that insane woman still hold any intention to continue? Chidi was literally in the room, they have been caught red handed, chaos was apparently happening outside, and she still couldn’t prioritize.  
  
“I’m really sorry to interrupt, but… there is a situation. Michael, I think you have to see this, and I mean… now.” Michael snapped back and fixed his tie while standing up, when Victoria appeared running through the door.  
  
“Chidi! Don’t leave me alooooo- What the fork, Micha- I mean.” She took a deep breath, and re-assumed her character. “Hum… I think there is a problem, with the… hum, neighborhood?”  
  
“Ugh, fine… let’s go see what’s the problem with your amazing neighborhood.” She was so extremely frustrated, Michael stared dumbfounded how Eleanor stood up, buttoned her pants and walked past Chidi and Victoria at the door almost pushing both of them. “You coming or what?”  
  
There were two real demons in that room, and both of them were impressed by one girl from Arizona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know much about the classification of fics, also I'm not used to writing smut -or writing at all, actually-. So, I'm unsure if to change the rating from mature to explicit, I don't think it necessary in my personal opinion, but please let me know if I made you feel uncomfortable so I can correct it, and I'm sorry for any inconvenience.


	14. The Emotional Roller Coaster

Michael couldn’t believe his eyes… Never had he seen before something like this happen –with him not being the cause, of course-. Tahani’s mansion was quickly becoming gold, and it didn’t seem to affect only the mansion itself, but everything and everyone close enough to come in contact with any golden surface. Not to mention the burning fire that seemed to grow with it too.  
  
What the here did Eleanor do now?  
  
“Oh, this is bad.” Eleanor said in a strangely casual way for the occasion, causing Michael to genuinely turn to see her absolutely astonished by her lack of shame for the third time that day. He didn’t know how, but he was positive she had done this on purpose.  
  
“Where is everyone?” he said while looking at the lawn become crispy gold about one mile away from his feet, approaching them.  
  
“They ran away because-“ Vicky tried to answer but was quickly interrupted by Chidi, hyperventilating.  
  
“Inside, many of the residents are still inside and they-“ his eyes darting to Eleanor, he didn’t know how either, but he was also sure this was her fault. “they are gold, they literally became statues of gold. And why is it on fire now?!” Only then he took a deep breath and faced Michael. “But you can fix this, right? I mean- You are the architect.”  
  
“I’ll try… but it’s hard to tell when I…” Eleanor was smiling, he could see her beaming smile by his peripheral vision “I don’t know what caused it.”  
  
“Yeah, man! You are right! This can’t be your fault, I mean… this clearly started at Tahani’s and you weren’t there, you even have an alibi AND a witness!” She was clearly talking about herself. “So, these are good news, right? You are not the problem, you don’t need to retire.”  
  
What the- of course, this made sense. Just like she had opened a sinkhole to save Jason, she had wreck havoc once again to save him. But turning everyone into gold… this was bad. He had told Glenn about the chances of him being hurt the previous time, but this one? He was positive the demons were pissed off to say the least because of them turning into gold with high chances of melting with no previous notice… he knew for sure based on the stinky eye that Vicky was giving him.  
  
“Janet!”  
  
“Good idea, call her so you can cancel the train thing.”  
  
“Hi, there.” The woman appeared with a bing, smiling while the flames emerged behind her made her look sinister.  
  
“Tahani’s house is on fire, could you do something about it?”  
  
“Sure thing.” She smiled, but didn’t do anything right away. “Would you like more or less fire?”  
  
“Less! Less fire!” Chidi had yelled out of instinct only to cover his stomach and almost turn into a ball, while Victoria tried to soothe him.  
  
“Less fire will be.” The flames extinguished suddenly and in their place remained the golden figures still.  
  
“Thank you. Now… You are aware the residents turned into gold, aren’t you?”  
  
“Yes, I am.” She continued to smile, in a still unsettling scenario.  
  
“Great, so… can you turn them back to normal?” Janet took a second to look at Eleanor, who nodded while hidden from Michael’s sight.  
  
“Is that what you want, Architect?” Why was the not-a-woman calling him architect? She never did that before, this was all so weird.  
  
“Yes, I’d like the residents to be as alive as they can be while being dead, please.”  
  
“Then, because of the architect himself is expressly requesting this from me, Janet, I will proceed now to solve this problem.” It took her one blink and the gold color spreading only a few inches away from Vicky’s shoes now started to retreat back to Tahani’s mansion, returning the bright colors to the neighborhood. “It may take some minutes for the original design to be restored.”  
  
“This is great! The neighborhood is fixed, Michael is innocent, now all of us can continue not-living here, in The Good Place.”  
  
“No… this isn’t proof enough. We still don’t know what is causing this, something is definitely wrong, and so… I think it might be for the best if I stay, at least till the real problem is fixed, rather it is or not me.”  
  
“If you say so, bud.” Eleanor gestured to Janet with her thumbs up and a wink, in a very suspicious way, but Michael was still pretending to look at the mansion. “So, hum… I think everything is fine, people will be back to normal, eventually, so… what about we all go back to the activities we were doing before this disaster took place? Ah? Mikey? What do you say?” Vicky couldn’t help herself and her expression shifted into disgust. Though, she avoided saying ‘ew’.  
  
“I say… it is now safe to go inside.”  
  
He dismissed Eleanor and marched his way into Tahani’s. The woman groaned but followed him inside. Michael passed by Pevita at the door, turning back to normal and almost murdering him with one look, Bambadjan was inside still covered in gold.  
  
“Thank you for coming in, Eleanor, I take it you must be worried for the residents.”  
  
“Yeah…” Her eyes surrounding the place, Janet had done an amazing job at following her instructions, everything looked perfect… maybe she could steal the flower vase while it was still 100% gold. “Also because I’m –you know- your assistant and this seems like part of the job…” her hands playing with the leaf of a plant near the entrance. She let go of it the minute she noticed Chidi had actually followed both of them inside and was scolding her with the eyes.  
  
“I’m glad this stopped, this was so scary.” Victoria had her arms around Chidi, totally into the character of a scared girlfriend, even when it was exactly the opposite.  
  
“Oh good, you are here too.” Eleanor smiled in the way she did every time Victoria was around: forced and painful in the cheeks.  
  
They had got to the main room, where Tahani stood in the middle, looking as majestic as a statue as she would look alive.  
  
“Actually, yes. You two were here when this all started, weren’t you?”  
  
“Yes, yes, we were, uhm.” While trying to get his ideas in order, Chidi surrounded Tahani and looked around the place, with other three golden demons frozen in place. “Your farewell party had started and Tahani was waiting for you to give some sort of speech, but you…” His eyes traveled to Eleanor who was still considering between taking some spoon or napkins with her. “Nevermind, the thing is, suddenly Tahani turned into gold and it started to spread and… fire, somehow? I really don’t know, I sort of…”  
  
“Ran away, I take it.”  
  
“Yes, that.” He cleared his throat, the walls started to go back to their pastel colors.  
  
“Oh wow! What a shock! Then this all started with Tahani, at Tahani’s place, jeez… I am no expert, I’m just an assistant but I think that is really suspicious.” Michael understood how this all had worked now, Eleanor’s –not so- subtle mannerisms and expressions had given her away. Did she ask Janet to do this? Under what circumstances she tricked the not-a-woman into being a part of this? Why fire? It was excessive; she could have seriously hurt others. Whatever, things never made sense when they came to Eleanor Shellstrop. But, it had worked, he couldn’t judge her, she was getting results, and better yet, at the expenses of everyone else… that woman was pure evil, he wouldn’t mind ‘finishing the job’ he had been previously interrupted, as a demon she most surely deserved a reward.  
  
“I don’t think so; everyone else was here when this started, it could have been anyone”  
  
“You are so right, Michael. Everyone else but you and me… ain’t I right, Chidi?”  
  
“Don’t get me into this, please.” The man was still suffering on a corner with Victoria looking at him like a traumatized little girl about to cry. “It’s been so hard.”  
  
“Yeah, Chidi is right, it’s been a rough night. Tahani is getting back to normal, that guy’s arm is already moving, I think we can call it a day and continue with the search tomorrow morning. Great meeting with you, guys, so… Michael, you coming?”  
  
He was actually willing to follow her, because this had been the most disgusting show of envy and greed he had ever seen in one of his colleagues and it was kind of making Eleanor the most attractive human to ever step on Earth… but it was also fun to listen to her divert the attention and it would’ve been out of character to leave Tahani there by herself… talking of which, where the here was Jason?  
  
After a few more seconds all the three demons had been freed and had left the place grunting and stretching their sore muscles. Michael could see their demands already. Tahani’s flawless skin was the first thing to go back to normal, followed by her clothes, at the very end her hair which remained to look golden for extra seconds while going back to its soft texture. Once done, she had collapsed into Michael’s arms who was waiting to catch her based on her unstable position.  
  
“Michael! You are here! It was so scary… and marvelous at the same time. I, Tahani Al-Jamil, had become a living golden statue! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a couple of me and they are such lovely pieces of art, you should see them at Elon Musk’s mansion, my tall frame certainly brings some beauty to his garden, but… being one of them? Not what I thought it would be.” If only she remembered how she had died, this whole setting would’ve been 10% better. Michael held her in place, trying to calm her after such a traumatic experience, mimicking what Vicky had been doing for Chidi… funny thing, both demons trying to soothe two of the humans. “Was it another one of those glitches? I thought that had been arranged, I mean… was it you, again?”  
  
“Sorry to break it down for you, doll, but one thing is sure, Michael over here? Innocent, he was with me when this all happened… so… what about you? What is your alibi?”  
  
Tahani was outraged and baffled, she had been the victim, not the criminal!  
  
“Now, now, let’s not start pointing fingers at each other just yet. Tahani was not alone here, most of the residents were, it could have been anyone.”  
  
“… Where is Jianyu?” The tall woman had moved from Michael’s side and was looking all around the place for her soulmate. “Oh no, what if something happened to him? We have to find him.”  
  
“Don’t worry, Tahani, Jianyu must be fine, I’m sure he ran on time, and even if he didn’t, he must gone back to normal now, he’ll be back soon.”  
  
“Oh, I really hope so… poor Jinayu is having problems to fit in.”  
  
They had chit chatted a bit more about nonsense that Eleanor couldn’t care less, her mind drifting to the recent events. Everything had gone great and according to her plan; Janet had transformed Tahani and everything around into gold, just as Eleanor had previously commented on how Tahani herself desperately wanted but was too shy to ask for… and according to her personality, of course Janet believed it. The timing had been great, Eleanor was sure most of the residents would be at the party for that moment so she had asked for Janet to start the ‘surprise gift for Michael’ at exactly nine o’ clock. There was only one thing that she couldn’t quite understand… what was up with the fire? Who caused it? It hadn’t been her, and it hadn’t been Michael, and neither Chidi nor Victoria seemed to know anything about it, just who...?  
  
“Eleanor? Are you staying?” Michael asked her, bringing her back to the present. Victoria and Chidi were already walking out, apparently they had stopped talking about things she didn’t care about and were now leaving.  
  
“Oh no, I am...” She cleared her throat and smiled, trying to be polite. “I am going back home, it’s been a long day.”  
  
“Good night, Eleanor, Michael.” Tahani nodded them good bye, while she walked up the stairs and the former soulmates went to the main door. It was a silent and awkward walk all the way to her house. Once there, they didn’t go in.  
  
“So... You going back to your office?” Her hands buried in her pockets, whatever had happened between them seemed odd now that things had cold down.  
  
“I am, yes.”  
  
“You didn’t need to walk me home; you are not my soulmate anymore.”  
  
“But I wanted to.” There was a small silence, extremely uncomfortable –on purpose- for Eleanor. “Also, my office is in the same direction.”  
  
“Oh, yeah, I forgot that.” There was another silence. “So… I guess this is it? I mean… the two of us being soulmates.”  
  
“I think so, yes.” He nodded once again, with his eyes looking everywhere but her.  
  
“C’mon, man!” Her cheerful pitch got him by –false- surprise. “We don’t have to make a big deal of this, we will still be, you know… buddies, right? We still can hang out and have fun, play with dominoes or...” She stopped, thinking exactly what to say, certainly there were a couple things they couldn’t repeat. “Sing karaoke.”  
  
“I’d like that.” He gave her an honest smile in return and leaned as good bye. “Thank you, Eleanor, for everything.”  
  
Eleanor felt warmer by his words, because they were more meaningful knowing that she had managed to save him. She thought the man to be unaware of her playing an important role at keeping him safe and so that ‘everything’ meant so much more.  
  
“All good, man, my pleasure.” She winked an eye at him while finger shooting, just to close the door on his face. Michael walked about three steps only to call Janet and ask her for some wipes to clean his hands, and maybe some bleach.  
  
\---  
  
Michael was already rolling his eyes on his seat. This day was going to suck from the very beginning till the very end, and that was if everything went according to his plan. Eleanor had better not stick her dirty fingers on his domino pieces today or he would take it out on her.  
  
“What the fork, Michael?!” Here she was; problem number one… Vicky making a scene in his office, so predictable. “We all knew you had something for that human but forking her while all of us were turning into gold AND melting? Thank you for the heads up!”  
  
“Can you shut up for one second, Vicky, just one second? And I mean it, I have a headache, even with the filter on, and you are not making this any easier.”  
  
“Any easier?! And why would I? You have some nerve, Michael, if you think I will stand here looking at you condemn this lame excuse of an experiment because you fell for a human you are dead wrong! You have become lazy, one of your humans even went missing last night, none of the other demons knows where the heck he was while the place was literally a burning here!” her cheeks had gone red, completely out of herself.  
  
“Is that it? Are you done?” He had patiently waited for the woman to finish while holding his head in his right hand against the desk.  
  
“No, I’m not!” Michael continued silent, waiting for the woman to finish her sentence. “… ugh, fine. Yes, I am.” Her body fell heavy on the chair in front of Michael’s. “But you are not getting out of this so easy, you royally forked up.”  
  
“I know.” Vicky’s eyes opened wide in disbelief.  
  
“You know?”  
  
“Yes, I know. You are right, I’ve been overseeing some things… but you are also wrong, you are always wrong, Vicky, you make of being wrong an art. I don’t know where Jason is because I am too busy babysitting Eleanor while all the other demons are eating frozen yogurt or watching netflix… you have to admit that you and I are the only ones truly working right now.”  
  
“Well…” He was right, she spent all her day stuck to Chidi, Michael spent his day attached to Eleanor, Tahani and Jianyu were torturing each other… something wasn’t right.  
  
“So I quitted.”  
  
“You did what now?”  
  
“I am no longer Eleanor’s soulmate. That will give me more time to focus on the other humans, while also torturing her.”  
  
“You have to be forking kidding me, Michael! This whole reboot was about you being her soulmate what is the purpose of telling her you are really not like four days later? Why don’t you reboot all of them now? It will save us time and effort.”  
  
“Oh Vicky…” he gave her the look that always insulted her the most; the pity one. “You can’t see it, can you?”  
  
“See what, Michael? Because let me tell you, after last night there are some things that I’d really like to unsee.” He rolled her eyes and displayed a screen in front of them; it was one giant graphic, showing a line that went up and down in an endless zig-zag.  
  
“Eleanor’s pain? What is up with it?”  
  
“Right here.” He pointed at one point of the graphic, which was quickly marked by a red line displaying the phrase ‘unsuccessful sexual encounter’. “I don’t know how to spell it for you, it is literally a graphic in your face, Vicky, it doesn’t get any easier than this.”  
  
“Oh yeah, exactly the thing I’d like to forget; you forking a human and forgetting that I was this close to become a statue. Oh, let me re-phrase; failing at forking a human. I’d like to say ‘wait till all the other demons find out’ but I already told them.” He knew she would, of course he knew, but seriously…? All of them already knew? Vicky sucked.  
  
“I don’t understand; I voluntarily avoid involving myself in any sexual activity and you mock me, I engage in sexual intercourse and yet, you still mock me.”  
  
“I’m a demon; I don’t know what to tell ya.”  
  
“Oh, right.” He cleared his throat, trying to explain this was the second painful moment of the day because Vicky was as smart as his paperclips. “You can see there is a colossal decrease of her pain over her; pleasure so as to say.”  
  
“I wouldn’t say colossal, but… whatever.” He narrowed his eyes at her, trying to keep a clear mind. He wasn’t stupid, he knew her colleague had gone quite farther with Chidi herself and was seriously starting to consider bringing the topic to notice.  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry, you see, I’m new at this. Perhaps you could show me how a real peak of pleasure looks in Chidi’s.” His hand went up again, displaying a second graphic. “Oh, too bad, I don’t see any.”  
  
“Ew! Have you been peeping on me?! That was not part of the job!”  
  
“Get your mind out of the gutter. I am talking about graphics here!” Vicky seemed to calm down, or at least she seated down once again. “… But, also, yes, I know exactly what happens to all of the humans and since you decided to talk about this, there is something I’ve been meaning to tell you for two days now; wax, Vicky? Seriously? This is supposed to be The Good Place! You can’t simply start burning Chidi out of the blue, according to the file he explicitly told you ‘I don’t like this’ that should have been a red alert coming from the most insecure man on Earth.”  
  
“I’m an acid snake, okay? I have standards… you were the one who put me in the role; it’s not my fault you don’t know how sex works for us...”  
  
“… You are unbelievable. Can’t you just accept that I’m better at this than you?”  
  
“Hey, show me all the graphics you want, but I get results, I don’t have any ‘unsuccessful’ word in Chidi’s file.”  
  
“And that is exactly the point!” His headache just got worse by talking with Vicky and the worst part of the day was still to come. “You are such a failure, Vicky, and the fact you don’t realize it makes it all worse. Just… just let me explain; with some luck you will learn something.” Chidi’s graphics disappeared, while Eleanor’s became full of numbers. “I’ve spent these last few days building a relationship of trust and complicity with Eleanor, you can see how every time she’s with me her feelings and emotions go up and down. Every time she feels safe and content with her after-life, with me… I say something and completely ruin the mood, is she honestly enjoying my company… I dump her. This creates a negative effect, she’s not losing her usual numbers, she’s losing twice or three times more, and this can only happen when she’s feeling happy for starters.”  
  
“Ah.” She admitted only with the tone of her voice that she actually understood what he was saying; she had to admit that even when Chidi’s graphic was way lower than Eleanor’s it was more of a straight line of permanent unhappiness… unlike this one. It was like a freaking roller coaster. “And how are you sure that is a good thing?”  
  
“It is not, it is terrible. For the humans, I mean... you see our system measures pain as numbers, this feeling of ‘loss’, and sometimes you have to build so you can destroy. The higher you take them, the more painful the fall.” Something finally clicked in Vicky’s head.  
  
“I understand now… so, this whole thing with Eleanor? Part of the plan?” It was not, not exactly, not at all actually, but whatever, it seemed to be beneficial for him.  
  
“Absolutely. Now that Eleanor and I bonded she will truly miss me, because in her own words I am better than nothing.”  
  
“Hpmh… fine, I guess I’ll give it a try.”  
  
“No tries, I want results.” He was leaning over his desk, feeling much confident now that Vicky seemed to have understood his point. “Perhaps it would be better if I teach you.”  
  
“Ew! Dream on, Michael. Not in a billion years!”  
  
“Not that, Vicky. And you wish you had a chance with me, you saw the graphics.”  
  
“It was beginner’s luck.”  
  
“It is never about luck! This experiment is proof that luck means nothing, do you even listen what I say? Just… promise me you’ll read Chidi’s file and try to do something about him, something that actually works, no more wax, no more cutting, no more bondage… though, yes, that would be a good option. Do I really need to do your job and mine now? This is it; if this fails I’m becoming Chidi’s soulmate only to teach you how it is properly done.”  
  
“Why is it every time you speak I wish I was retired? ‘Cause that was…”  
  
“Just go, Vicky, just…” The woman rolled her eyes and turned to leave the room.  
  
\---  
  
Michael had Eleanor shortly at his office, they were supposed to spend the day searching for the real cause of the problems, but the minute the woman walked in, the minute he kicked her out.  
  
“What? But why?”  
  
“I’m sorry, Eleanor. I am really busy today, I have to finish the paperwork, analyze Tahani’s mansion and other architect things to do.”  
  
“Alright… you sure you don’t want me to stick around? Keep you company?” This was exhausting, he was an ace at lying but this was non-stop, he needed a break from Eleanor, couldn’t any other demon take her for a spin or something?  
  
“No, I’m sorry I- I’ll be working with very sensitive information about other residents and you shouldn’t be there.”  
  
“Uh… Sensitive information about Tahani, ah?” No, now the woman was for sure interested in staying.  
  
“… Yes, no, I mean, yes, but I can’t tell you, so, please.” He signed at his door, which he was keeping open for Eleanor to leave.  
  
“Wait a minute…” Instead of leaving the woman had closed their distance with her hands firm in her waist. “Something wrong, pal?”  
  
“Besides… everything?”  
  
“I don’t mean the neighborhood, I mean… Are you alright?” Michael blinked several times; he hadn’t intended for his nervousness to be noticed. He truly wanted her gone because he needed to prepare his own personal disaster for later, but… yes, he was acting extra nervous out of it, there was a real catastrophe coming, which went noticed by Eleanor, dang it. “Is this because of us?”  
  
“… Busted?” Not exactly, but whatever got the woman out of his office.  
  
“I know, I know, it is weird… humans don’t usually handle very well the working-with-the-ex kind of situation, but we will be in this neighborhood together for the rest of eternity, so… better get used to it, right?  
  
“Right.” He smiled shy and still nervous, his left hand twitching while lazily resting by his side.  
  
“Hey, I know you may need some space, after a life of zero humans, having 322 around must be exhausting. So I get it, I’ll go home, enjoy my after-life but promise me you will come see me whenever you feel like hanging out or… not working.” She smiled and the honesty of it made Michael feel like a bummer. Many times before Eleanor had offered him help, but it never felt so real like this time, it wasn’t about self-preservation anymore, she didn’t need to hang out or distract him. Her offer was honest, a genuine invitation to spend time with her… his plan of taking her high had worked much better than expected in only four days… and now it was time to see her fall and crash on the floor. His left hand played with his own shirt buttons and nodded.  
  
“I will… when I’m finished with this, I’ll go visit you.”  
  
“Good!” She nudged him in the arm, or that is what he supposed she had intended because it was a real punch, if his body was human that would have for sure left a bruise. “See you later, then!”  
  
The minute Eleanor left his office he sighed deeply… it was time for problem number four.  
  
\---  
  
Eleanor had got home, watched a tv show, had classes with Chidi, discussed the moral implications of transforming Tahani into a golden statue, fought over who started the fire, discussed the moral implications of arson, had classes about how killing others even if they were already dead was one of the big ‘no-no’s in life, and after the most tiring class so far Eleanor had managed to finally convince Chidi that she had not been the one who started the fire and also, that Tahani had actually enjoyed becoming pure gold… alright, Chidi didn’t believe that, but she tried and that was all that mattered.  
  
Chidi had left and she had gone back to her sofa feeling happy and content because even if Tahani was still her neighbor she had managed to save Michael from eternal damnation and that should be considered a win, why couldn’t Chidi understand that? Jeez, if she told Michael he would surely understand. Too bad that would literally condemn her.  
  
About two hours later there was a knock on her door, a warning that someone was –as always- simply coming in. Her head turned unsure who could it be and her face enlightened at the sight of Michael, shyly moving in but remaining at the door.  
  
“Hey man! Good to see you came, you done with the paperwork?” Eleanor stood up and walked a couple steps on his direction, already thinking in what movie the not-an-angel would enjoy the most.  
  
“Eleanor, I’m glad you are here, I-hum-no, I’m here for work.” She was quick to notice that the man was a mess, his left hand twitching, the right one playing with the collar of his shirt and the unnerving movement of his leg made it clear that something wasn’t alright, he was anxious and uncomfortable and concerned.  
  
“Oh… alright, so you in need of your assistant?” She tried to calm him with a smile, but it wasn’t working. “Easy, man, we can fix it, just tell me what happened.”  
  
“I-” He took a deep breath. “I have good news for you.”  
  
“Good news? It doesn’t look like it, but… alright, what is it?”  
  
“The phonecalls, the paperworks, the forms… they worked; Eleanor Shellstrop, I’d like to introduce you to your real soulmate.”  
  
The expression in Eleanor’s face shifted immediately, Michael could easily appreciate how the smile on her face fell and her brows went high, surprise and worry mixed together in a simple ‘o’ appearing on her lips.  
  
“Trevor Johnsons.” It was some kind of unspoken signal; Trevor himself opened the door, wearing a hideous t-shirt with a flower pattern and sandals with socks. Eleanor’s expression was one of true disappointment and fear, acknowledging in one sit what true hell was. Her eyes flew to Michael, begging for the man to tell her that this was a lie, a bad joke, because if she had thought that the idea of Michael as her soulmate was nonsense, this…?  
  
“I can’t believe it! You are Eleanor?! You are so cute! I feel like I’ve loved you my whole life!” Trevor was so extremely excited with her hands extended, Eleanor didn’t have much choice but to reassume her ‘good place person personality’ and offer him a hug.  
  
“Oh… cool! Bring it in, man!” As Trevor ran to her arms to embrace her, Michael had to literally turn around and look at the wall so he could laugh because this was so, so, so, so, bad! Every part of her body tensed at coming in contact with the man, it was so perfect...ly imperfect.  
  
Michael had been absolutely unsure about his decision of bringing Trevor back to the neighborhood. It had taken him real phonecalls, paperwork and forms, a headache beyond the one that Chidi’s manuscript had given him, but the moment he saw the way Eleanor’s teeth pressed in disgust he knew it had been the right decision. Even if painful for him, even if this cost him permanent and emotional abuse from the worst demon he’d ever known… it was worthy.  
  
He was already looking forward to see those numbers fall, drop out of her graphics and crash against his office’s floor.


End file.
